Author: admin

Go Now!

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The Pastor approaches his pulpit one Sunday and said, “Before we get started today I want you to know that there are rumors running rampant-I’ve heard that there are many of you out there been a He’n and a She’n out of wedlock-if you been then get up and get out of my church right now!”
Some couples got up and left.

Then he said, “Some of you been a He’n and He’n-I want you to get up and get out of my church right now!”

Some guys got up and left.

He says, “Some of you ladies been a she’n and she’n-leave my church right now!” Some women left.

Old Brother Brown in the back got up and was leaving.

Pastor asked, “Where you goin’ Brother Brown?”

Brother Brown replied, “I know sooner or later you’ll be gettin’ to me’n and a me’n and I’m just gettin’a head start……

Very Short Books

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Very Short Books…

1) Outdoor activities in Chernobyl
2) Hot Scenic Real-estate opportunities on top of Mt St. Helens
3) Investment opportunities in worm futures for the deceased
4) Ballerina lessons for men with size 13 or larger feet
5) Defensive Driving tips for the Blind
6) Contraceptive tips for Nuns
7) Delicious Beef Recipes for Hindus
8) Mutual Fund Investment strategies for compulsive gamblers
9) Cooking with Pork Fat for Vegetarians
10) GreenPeace Guide for Buying Quality Baby Seal coats
11) GreenPeace Guide to Preparing Fast & Easy Whale Dishes
12) Jewish and Arab Friendship Customs
13) Human Rights organizations in Libya
14) Democracy Debate clubs in Cuba
15) Applying for Tibetan Vendors Permits
16) Applying for Flight Clearance over The White House
17) Guide to Redneck Gay Bars
18) Guide to NeoNazis Jewish Friendship Centers
19) Famous Native American Judges, Senators and Presidents
20) Famous Black Canadian Hockey Players
21) Famous Hillbilly Physics
22) Guide to apply for Pan Handling Permit in Singapore
23) Street guide to most original graffiti in Singapore
24) Country Singers who have appeared at Carnegie Hall
25) Sports Illustrated’s Gay Mens Swimsuit Edition
26) How to start you own part time Hospital from home
27) Guide to Gay NBA, NFL, AFL & NHL Teams
28) E-mail address directory for the homeless
29) All Night Libyan Moshe pits
30) List of Fine Wines from Iran

Con motivo de las elecciones

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Con motivo de las elecciones presidenciales en varios pa�ses de Latinoam�rica, Naciones Unidas ha designado a un grupo de veedores, de distintas partes del mundo, para controlar que el acto se lleve a cabo con total transparencia.

A continuaci�n la lista de los veedores:

Alemania: Herr Doktor Otto von Frauden.

Arabia Saudita: Elim Postor.

Brasil: T. del Falcao do Nascimento.

China: Chan Chu Yo.

Corea del Norte: Chin Guen Guen Son.

Corea del Sur: Kuan Do No.

Cuba: Silvio Panada.

Espa�a: Paco R. Ovando.

Francia: Pierre D’elvotto.

Grecia: Hurto Sinescroupoulos y Akylos Transo.

Holanda: T. Van Aestaffar.

India: Gandhi Sima Farsa.

Israel: Abraham Urnas.

Italia: Massimo Atraco.

Jap�n: Tekito Tuboto.

L�bano: Mestafa Al-Votar.

Panam�: Many Puleo.

Portugal: Santiago de Trampinha.

Rep�blica Checa: Ivana Jodernos.

Rumania: Robele Sinolopescu.

Rusia: Ivana Timar.

Uganda: Amin Mewele Alomimo.

Estados Unidos: Johnny Miro

Bumper Stickers

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Bumper stickers that I have actually seen:

Official Government Policy: If it ain’t broke, fix it till’ it
is.

Just because you’re child was an honor student doesn’t mean you
know anything.

If you can read this than your close enough that I could slam
and my brakes and sue you.

(T-Shirt on a Motorcyclist) If you can read this than the bitch
fell off.

Keep honking, I’m reloading.

Trick Alligator

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This guy goes into a bar leading a half-sized alligator on a leash. The bartender yells at him, “You can’t bring that animal in here!”The man says, “This isn’t just any old alligator, he knows tricks. I’ll show you.” He lets the alligator climb up on the bar, then says, “This alligator can hold his mouth open for any length of time you say, to the exact second. Name a time.”So, the bartender says “47 seconds.” The man says, “OK, when I say go, start your watch. Go!” The alligator opens its mouth wide, while the bartender watches his mouth. The man says, “To prove how much confidence I have in my pet, I’m gonna lay my dick in his mouth. But, just for safety’s sake, start counting the seconds from 45 on.” The man does so, and when the bartender starts saying “45…46…47..,” right when he says 48 the man pulls back his dick and the alligator’s mouth snaps shut.Everyone at the bar was very impressed with this stunt. The man says, “Thanks a lot! Now, would anyone else like to try?” And, of course, all the men just sort of mumble and turn back to their drinks. I mean, trust only goes so far.One little guy at the end raises his hand rather timidly.The man says, “You there!! You’re a real man! You’re brave enough to try this??!”To which the other man says, “Yeth, but I don’t think I could keep my mouth open the whole 47 seconds.”

Between the Holidays

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A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put “Happy Thanksgiving” under the turkey.

So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good. The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Clause with “Merry Christmas” up on her left thigh. So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too. As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says “if you don’t mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?”

She says “I’m sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there’s nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas.”