Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she’s pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: “Is it mine?”
Author: admin
A massive cold front swept
A massive cold front swept across the nation this week, but it’s not
expected to affect the election. Says Hamilton, “The Weather Channel said
the five-day forecast for Bob Dole is three days.”
Yo family is…
yo family is so poor that when i went over to your haouse, i steped on a lit cagarette and someone yelled out “Who turned out the heat”!!!!!!
Two men walked into a bar
Two men walked into a bar.You would think at least one of them would have ducked.
What days
I asked my boyfriend yesterday what days he preferred to engage in sexual activity.
He answered ” Tuesdays, Thursdays,Thanksgiving, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday and Thunday!!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Lousy Memory
A frustrated wife tells her friend, “I want to divorce my husband because he has a lousy memory!”
Her friend replies, “Why would you want to divorce him for that?”
The wife says, “Every time he gets around a young woman, he keeps forgetting that he’s married!”
Yo mama is so stupid
Yo mama so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
Blond Quiz!!
If you awnser YES for any of the following you are a Dumb Blond.
1.Have you ever sent a fax with a stamp in ot?
2.Have you ever tripped over a cordless phone?
3.Have you ever put you star sighn at the bottom of an
application form where it says sighn here?
4.Ever spoken you mind and been totally speechless?
5.Moved because you heard 90% of crimes are commited around your
home?
6.Did you know you could listen to am radio at night?
7.Do you stare at frozen orange juice because it says
comcentrate?
8.Do you think taco bell is an mexican phone company?
9.Ever told some one t meet you at the corner of walkand dont
walk?
10.Seen a sighn that says airport left so turned around and went
home?
11.Put lip stick on your forehead so you sould make up your mind?
12.Have you ever studien for a blood test and failed?
13.Ever taken 2hours to watch 60 minutes?
14.Ever sent someone an email asking them if they had an email
account?
15.Ever sold you car so you could have gas money?
Who’s horny?
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do.
Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!”
His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say, “WHO’S HORNY”…..?!!!”
And she acts like she’s sound asleep.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
History Lessons
The following are genuine snippets from essays by high school students:
“Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harold mustered his troops before the Battle of Hastings. Joan of Arc was cannonized by Bernard Shaw, and victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.”
“The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello’s interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Guttenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.”
“The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found it difficult to walk because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah.” Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.”
Honest Lawyer
An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, so she began interviewing young lawyers.
“As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.” She leaned forward. “Mr. Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?”
“Honest?” replied the job prospect. “Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I’m so honest that my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.”
“Impressive. And what sort of case was that?”
The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, “He sued me for the money.”
Little timmy
an old married couple couldnt have kids but they had this puppy called little timmy. they treated little timmy as if he was there son. they worked hard all there life and used there life savings to go on a cruise around the world and take timmy with them. during the cruise timmy jumps over board.the couple are completely distraught over timmys death.they come home after 2 weeks and to there surprise what do you think is sitting on there doorstep?……………………………………………………………………………nope not timmy…six pints of milk.they forgot to cancel there milk order from the milkman for the 2 weeks.