Must help the wife

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.” “We’re short-handed, Smith” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.” “Thanks, boss,” says Smith “I knew I could count on you!”

Top 13 New Star Wars Movies

13. Star Wars I: “Star Trek, the Next Generation” kisses our Jedi ass.

12. Just Hand Over the Wallet, and Nobody Gets Hurt

11. Springtime for Vader

10. Episode I: Mr. Lucas Wants A Bigger Boat

9. Obi Wan, Chaka Khan. Chaka Khan, Obi Wan.

8. Your turn, Steven.

7. The Toys-R-Us Christmas ’99 Catalog

6. Boba Fett’s Not In It So Don’t Even Ask, Fanboy!!!!

5. Titanic *THIS*, Jim Cameron!

4. Star Wars I (Harrison Ford Not Included)

3. Star Wars: Yoda Man! No, Yoda Man!

2. There’s Something About Money

1. Come To Papa, You Geeks

Tyson Excuses!

The top 10 reasons for Mike Tyson biting Evander Holyfield’s ear:

10. Got a little carried away after seeing “Face/Off”

9. Really wanted to win first prize on “America’s Funniest Home Videos”

8. Like this doesn’t happen every year in the Masters

7. Whenever Moe bites Curly’s ear, it’s hilarious!

6. Has to do this kind of thing to compensate for the fact that he talks like Melanie Griffith

5. I guess you’ve never heard of a little thing called “strategy”

4. Ears is tasty

3. It was self-defense — he wouldn’t stop punching me!

2. “Disqualified” sounds better than “got his ass kicked all over the ring”

1. He ran out of gum