486 – The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art – Any computer you can’t afford.
Obsolete – Any computer you own.
Microsecond – The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.
G3 – Apple’s new Macs that make you say ‘Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.’
Syntax Error – Walking into a computer store and saying, ‘Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.’
Hard Drive – The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.
GUI – What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced ‘gooey’)
Keyboard – The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse – An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
Floppy – The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
Portable Computer – A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.
Disk Crash – A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
Power User – Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.
System Update – A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.
Author: admin
Sore
The young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk with her mother on her first visit home since starting college.
“Mom, I have to tell you,” the girl confessed. “I lost my virginity last weekend.”
“I’m not surprised,” said her mother. “It was bound to happen sooner or later. I just hope it was a romantic and pleasurable experience.”
“Well, yes and no,” the pretty student remarked. “The first eight guys felt great, but after that, my pussy got kind of sore.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Redneck lunch
An italian, a mexican, and a redneck constuction worker all sat down one day to eat their lunch on top of a building they were working on. The italian opens his lunch and looks in and says “Salami again! If I get salami one more day, I’m gonna jump off this building” The mexican opens his lunch and says “Burrito again! If I get a burrito one more day, I am gonna jump off this building” The redneck opens his lunch and says “P-nut butter and jelly again! If I get p-nut butter and jelly one more day, I am gonna jump off this building. The next day at lunch, the Italian opens his lunch and finds salami so he jumps off the building. The mexican opens his lunch and finds a burrito so he jumps off the building. The redneck opens his lunch and finds p-nut butter and jelly so he jumps off the building. Later, at the funeral the Italians wife cries out “I didn’t know he disliked salami so much” The mexican’s wife cries out “I wish I knew he was so sick of burrito’s” The redneck wife says “Hey, don’t look at me, he always fixed his own lunch!”
Spider Mate
A little girl was playing in the garden when she spied two spiders mating.
“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked.
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked.
“That’s a daddy long legs,” her father answered.
“So, the other one is a mommy long legs?” the little girl asked.
“No,” her father replied. “Both of them are daddy long legs.”
The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them
flat.
“Well, we’re not having any of THAT in our garden.”
If three prostitutes are sitting on a park…
If three prostitutes are sitting on a park bench, what do you call the
two on the ends?
Support hose.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Chuck!Chuck who?Chuck in
Knock KnockWho’s there?Chuck!Chuck who?Chuck in a sandwich for lunch!
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the
bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
Un matrimonio llev� a su
Un matrimonio llev� a su hijo de vacaciones a una playa nudista. El padre sali� a dar un paseo por la playa mientras el hijo jugaba en el agua.
De pronto, el ni�o lleg� corriendo hasta donde estaba su mam� diciendo:
“�Mam�, acabo de ver mujeres con los senos mucho m�s grandes que los tuyos!”
“No te preocupes hijo, mientras m�s grandes los tengan m�s tontas son”.
As� que el ni�o se regres� a jugar en el agua. Varios minutos despu�s, el peque�o regres� corriendo:
“�Mam�, acabo de ver a pap� platicando con la mujer m�s tonta que he visto, y mientras m�s hablaban, mi pap� se volv�a cada vez m�s tonto tambi�n!”
How do you drownd a blonde??
How do you drownd a blonde?? you put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool!!
God busy Creating
God created the mule, and told him, “You will be Mule, working constantly from
dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back.
You will eat grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 50years.”
The mule answered: “To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give
me no more than 20.”
And it was so.
Then God created the dog, and told him, “You will hold vigilance over the
dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his
table scraps and live for 25 years.
And the dog responded, “Lord, to live 25 years as a dog is too much. Please,
no more than 10 years.” And it was so.
God then created the monkey and told him, “You are Monkey. You shall swing
from tree to tree, acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live
for 20 years.�
And the monkey responded, “Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is
too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years.”
And it was so. Finally, God created Man and told him, “You are Man, the only
rational being that walks the earth.
You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the
world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years.”
And the man responded, “Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little.
Please, Lord, give me the 30 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog
refused, and the ten years the monkey rejected.”
And it was so. So God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live
30 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is
to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the
leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as
a monkey, acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren.
A stick
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A: A stick.
An Ugly Position
What’s the position to make ugly babies?
Ask your parents.