Q: How many sheep does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to follow him round while he looks for a new one.
Author: admin
Dentro de muchos muchos a�os,
Dentro de muchos muchos a�os, est� Dios sentado en su trono y como esta solo y aburrido decide que quiere que dos personajes de la historia de la humanidad se sienten a su lado, para lo cual hace poner un asiento a su izquierda y otro a su derecha.
Luego de pensarlo mucho Dios arma una terna que esta formada por Bill Clinton, Jhon Lennon y Carlos Menem, ex presidente de Argentina, de los cuales uno de ellos se sentar� a la derecha de Dios y otro a la izquierda. Para decidir quienes ser�n Dios decide hacerles preguntas a los candidatos a cerca de sus creencias.
Pasa Clinton primero y Dios desde su trono le pregunta:
“Clinton, digame �qu� cree usted?”
Y Clinton responde:
“Yo creo que en el mundo debe triunfar la democracia, la lucha por los ideales, que cada uno debe buscar justicia e igualdad y la verdad. Creo que hay que luchar por un mundo m�s solidario”.
Dios conforme con la respuesta le dice que se siente a su derecha. Luego pasa Lennon y Dios le pregunta:
“Lennon, digame �qu� cree usted?”
Lennon le contesta:
“Yo creo en la paz en el mundo, en la hermandad de los hombres, creo en el amor y en la fraternidad”
Dios muy contento con la respuesta le dice a Lennon que se siente a su izquierda. Por �ltimo pasa Carlos Menem y Dios se da cuenta de que ya no hay mas lugares pero para ser justo igual le pregunta:
“Y usted Menem, �que cree?”
A lo cual Menem le contesta:
“Yo creo que usted est� sentado en mi lugar”.
What educational programs
What educational programs should the United States support to alleviate the burgeoning US-Japan trade imbalance?
Japanese language lessons for lawyers.
Old Folks at the Movies
An elderly couple sat through a porno movie twice. They didn’t get up to leave until the theater was ready to close for the night. ‘You folks must’ve enjoyed the show,’ the usher says. ‘Disgusting,’ says the old lady. ‘It was revolting,’ her husband adds. ‘Then why did you sit through it twice?’ the usher asks. ‘We had to wait until you turned up the house lights,’ the old lady replies. ‘We couldn’t find my panties, and his teeth were in them!’
Dumb Blonde Joke
Q:How do you know when a blonde has been at the computer?
A: There is white out the screen.
Catch her eye
A man is eating in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous blonde eating at the next table. He has been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go and talk to her.
Suddenly the woman sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs and snatches it out of the air.
‘Oh my God, I am sooo sorry,’ the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. ‘Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you.’
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invites him to the theatre followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to breakfast the next morning.
When he arrives the next morning, she has cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. ‘You know you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?’
‘No,’ she replies, ‘you just happened to catch my eye.’
Dumb blonde-Car
A blonde called 911 to report a horrible accident. She was
hysterical as she said, “robbery, robbery! they have stolen my
dashboard, steering wheel, even my stick shift!” The police said
they’d be right over.
A few minutes later, the blonde called back, saying she had
been in the back seat.
Brigham Young
A woman visiting Salt Lake City in the latter half of the 18th century sees someone that she thinks may be Brigham Young, the leader of the Mormon church.Woman: “Are you Brigham Young?”Brigham Young: “I am.”Woman: “Are you the Brigham Young that is the head of the Mormon church?”Brigham Young: “I am.”Woman: “Are you the Brigham Young that led the Mormons to Utah?”Brigham Young: “I am.”Woman: “Are you the Brigham Young that denounces all Christian religions as false except Mormonism?”Brigham Young: “I am.”About this time, the woman is beginning to lose her temper.Woman: “Are you the Brigham Young who preaches polygamy?”Brigham Young: “I am.”Now she’s really getting mad.Woman: “Are you the Brigham Young who has 26 wives?”Brigham Young: “I am.”Then furiously, she says -Woman: “You ought to be Hung!”Brigham Young: “I am.”
Ten Important Men In Woman’s Life
They are:
Her Doctor; he says, “Take your clothes off.”
Her Dentist; he says, “Open wide.”
Her Veterinarian; he says, “And how is your little pussy doing today?”
Her Gardener; he says, “Do you want me to mulch your bush?”
Her Hairdresser; he says, “Do you want it teased or blown?”
Her Interior Decorator; he says, “You’ll like it once it’s in.”
Her Hunter; he goes deep into the bush, shoots several times, and always eats what he shoots.
Her Remodeler; he says, “It fits tongue-in-groove with a little hammering.”
Her Milkman; he says, “Do you want it in front or in back?”
Her Banker; he says, “If you take it out too soon, you’ll lose interest.”
Political Periodic Table
In a recent contest, The Washington Post asked readers to dream up new
elements for the Periodic Table. Among the best of the batch:
Limbaughium Lb
The heaviest known element. It possesses an ever-expanding mass. Very white.
Acidic. Emits heat but no light. Instantly polarizes all elements that come in
contact with it. Repels protons and electrons; attracts only morons.
With a slick appearance and slimy texture, this element undergoes a series of
interesting changes when in hot water.
Canadium Eh
Similar to Americium, but a little denser. Much more rigid. Often called
Boron.
Innofensium Pc
Precisely equal numbers of electrons, protons, neutrons, leptons, quarks.
Completely inert, utterly useless, but smells like a rose.
Newtium
Extreme irritant. Carries a strong negative charge. Does not possess magnetic
properties. Can be purchased cheaply.
Quaylium Vp
Einsteinium it ain’t.
Budweisium Ps
Has no taste or smell; is often indistinguishable from water.
Cabmium Cb
Found in abundance, except when needed. Exists in two states, in motion and at
rest. When in motion, it cannot be stopped, no matter what you do. Cabmium has a
charge associated with it. The charge is variable, and scientists have not
determined the formula for calculating it.
Politicium Po
Contains a great deal of gas. Similar to radon in that it can reach lethal
concentrations in the House.
Congress Cg
Atomic number 525. Can never be found in a solution.
Snot Sn
Bonds forever with corduroy.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Tibet!Tibet who?Early Tibet
Knock KnockWho’s there?Tibet!Tibet who?Early Tibet and early to rise!
Blonde selling car
A blonde tried to sell her old car.
She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.
The brunette told her, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.”
“That doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde, “if I only can sell the car.
“Okay,” said the brunette. “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore.”
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, “Did you sell your car?”
“No,” replied the blonde, “why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it.”