During a fight, a husband threw a bowl of Jello at his wife.
She had him arrested for carrying a congealed weapon!
Author: admin
How many Kennedys does it take to screw in…
How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four. One to hold the bulb and three to drink till the room spins.
What kind of bunny…..
What kind of bunny drinks coffee?
Mugs bunny!
Americans
How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the light bulb, and one to sue the original light bulb
manufacturer for pain and suffering for having to change the light bulb,
compensation for lost light, and to set a new legal precedence requiring
light bulb manufacturers to state clearly that light bulbs may require
replacing and that the manufacturer is in no way responsible for lost
wages or any other consequential damages as allowed by law.
Top 20 Programers Excuses
The Top 20 replies by programmers when their programs do not
work:
20. That’s weird…
19. It’s never done that before.
18. It worked yesterday.
17. How is that possible?
16. It must be a hardware problem.
15. What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?
14. There is something funky in your data.
13. I haven’t touched that module in weeks!
12. You must have the wrong version.
11. It’s just some unlucky coincidence.
10. I can’t test everything!
9. THIS can’t be the source of THAT.
8. It works, but it hasn’t been tested.
7. Somebody must have changed my code.
6. Did you check for a virus on your system?
5. Even though it doesn’t work, how does it feel?
4. You can’t use that version on your system.
3. Why do you want to do it that way?
2. Where were you when the program blew up?
And the number one reply by programmers when their programs
don’t work:
1. It works on my machine.
dicks
why did god give niggers the biggest dicks?
because he felt sorry for putting pubic hairs on their heads.
The Heat
Your family is so poor, when I went into your home, I stepped on a
lit cigarette, and your mom yelled, “Who turned off the heat!”
Top 5 Blonds Inventions
Top 5 Blond Inventions:
5. Water proof tea bag
4. Water proof towel
3. A new item at an antique store
2. Discount price to a free show
1. A book on how to read
The Special Pig
One day a man drove by a farm and saw a three-legged pig. The man went up to the farmer and said, “Excuse me sir, but why does that pig only have 3 legs?”
“Well,” said the farmer, “that there pig is very special. One time my wife was cooking something she stepped out of the kitchen and it caught on fire. No one in the house knew about it but the pig and he saved me, my wife, and my 2 kids.”
“That’s amazing sir but why does that pig onlly have three legs?” said the man.
“Then there was that time the pig saw a big storm coming and we didn’t. The pig ran into the house and dragged us out to the storm cellar. If it weren’t for that pig we would all be dead.”
“But still, that doesn’t explain why the pig only has 3 legs.”
“And I remember the time my youngest son was stuck up in a tree but I was too far away to hear him scream. The pig came running towards me and led me to where he was.”
“Well, that is miracle but how come that pig only has 3 legs?” the man said quite annoyed at this point.
“Well,” said the farmer, “with a pig that special…
you have to eat ’em real slow.”
Spots much clearer
Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.
Doctor: Didn’t the new glasses help?
Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.
Two choices in life
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Legs
A woman who had outlived eight husbands finally passed away.
Old friends and enemies alike gathered at her grave side and consoled or bitched with each other, as is so often the way.
“Oh well, at least they’ll be together again…” sighed of the departed’s lady friends.
“Yes,” replied a childhood friend with a sob, “But with which husband?”
“No silly,” said the snide friend, “I meant her legs.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing