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Ebonic Lord’s Prayer

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The Ebonic Lord’s Prayer

Big Daddy’s Rap – The Lord’s Prayer
Yo, Bid Daddy upstairs, – Our Father, who art in heaven
You be chillin – Hallowed be thy name
So be yo hood – Thy Kingdom come
You be sayin’ it, I be doin’ it – Thy will be done
In this here hood and yo’s – On earth as it is in heaven
Gimme some eats – Give us this day our daily bread
And cut me some slack, Blood – And forgive us our trespasses
Sos I be doin’ it to dem dat diss me – As we forgive those who trespass against us
don’t be pushing me into no jive – And lead us not into temptation
and keep dem Crips away – But deliver us from evil
‘Cause you always be da Man

Tres ermita�os, a los que

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Tres ermita�os, a los que casi no les gusta hablar, se encuentran sentados a la entrada de una cueva; en eso, pasa un caballo a toda prisa. Un a�o despu�s, el primero de ellos dice:

“�Ah, qu� bonito caballo bayo!”

Pasa otro a�o m�s y el segundo de ellos comenta:

“No era bayo, era retinto”.

Dos a�os despu�s, el �ltimo de los anacoretas advierte:

“�Donde sigan discutiendo, me largo de aqu�!”

What Would U Takeoff

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I can let you have this top-of-the-line stereo for nine hundred dollars, minus six percent for cash,” the salesman said.

The customer, not able to figure the calculation, said he would think about the deal and return the next day.

That evening, the fellow asked his female friend, “If you were offered nine hundred dollars minus six percent, how much would you take off?”

“Everything but my earrings,” she purred.

Turning into a horse

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A middle-aged woman enters her family doctor’s office in a frantic state. She says, “Doctor, I think I’m turning into a horse!”The doctor, taken aback, replies, “I’m sure you may have SOME problem, but I assure you no human has ever turned into a horse.”The woman became more insistent and said, “Doctor, look at my teeth. They’re getting bigger and more yellow!”The doctor calmly replied, “Yes, I see. Your teeth appear a bit larger and more yellow than your last visit, but I don’t think you’re turning into a horse.”Getting more frustrated, the woman said, “Well, I think I’m getting a mane! Look at all this hair on the back of my neck. It’s grown 5 inches in ONE WEEK!”Becoming more concerned, the doctor said, “You’re NOT turning into a horse. We’ll just shave your neck occasionally.”At this point the woman became considerably frustrated, speaking faster and louder. “Just look at my finger and toe nails! They’ve become very thick and big. I’m developing HOOVES!”The doctor in amazement cried, “Holy cow! I’ve never seen finger and toe nails THAT big!”Then the woman pulls up the back of her skirt and said, “And look at this, doctor. My backbone is protruding significantly from my butt!”The doctor looked in amazement, then started scribbling on a small piece of paper.The woman asked, “Are you writing me a prescription?”The doctor said, “No. I’m writing a memo to my brother-in-law. He works at City Hall. Take this to him and he’ll give you a permit to take a dump in the street!”

TGIF

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A businessman got on an elevator in a building. When he
entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by
reciting the letters, “T-G-I-F.”

He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T.” She looked at him, Puzzled, and said
“T-G-I-F” again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering, “S-H-I-T.”The blonde was trying
to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said, as sweetly as
possible, “T-G-I-F” another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a Quizzical expression,
“S-H-I-T.”
The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she
said, “T-G-I-F,Thank Goodness it�s Friday, get it?”

The man answered,”S-H-I-T: Sorry Honey, its Thursday.”

The Top 16 Worst-Selling Hardware Store Items

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16. PVC crack pipes

15. Howard Sterno

14. AK-47 Semi-automatic glue gun

13. Stud-Muffin Finder

12. DermAbrade 9000 Acne Remover! Fits most popular belt sanders.

11. Martha Stewart Terracotta Torque Wrench Cozy

10. Pee Wee Herman light switch plates

9. VladCo Electric Impal-O-Matic

8. Richard Simmons “Spackling to the Oldies” video

7. Lewinsky Leaf Blowers

6. The TurboBidet 2000

5. Time-Life’s “So, You’re A Moron With A Workshop” Books

4. Caulk Rings

3. The Hair Club for Men (attaches to your head to deter would-be toupee thieves)

2. Goose Tape

1. “Hoe House” shag-carpeted tool sheds

Blew a Seal

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A penguin had to take his car for engine repair.

The mechanic told the penguin to leave his car with him for about two hours, to find out whats wrong.

The penguin goes across the street to a grocery store, climbs into a freezer and ate vanilla ice cream.

When the two hours was up the penguin went back to the garage to find out what happened to his car.

When the penguin entered the garage, the mechanic looked at him and said, “Looks like you blew a seal.”

The penguin replied, “NO way, thats vanilla ice-cream!”

If You’re A Democrat You Believe:

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1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of
funding.

2. You have to be against capital punishment but for abortion on
demand – in short, you support protecting the guilty and killing
the innocent.

3. You have to believe that the same overpaid public school
idiot who can’t teach 4th graders how to read is qualified to
teach those same kids about sex.

4. You have to believe that trial lawyers are selfless heroes
and doctors are overpaid.

5. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding
Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands
of the Red Chinese.

6. You have to believe that global temperatures are less
affected by cyclical, documented changes in the brilliance of
the Sun, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

7. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but
being gay is natural.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and
governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don’t care about nature but
pasty-faced, fey activists who’ve never been outside Seattle do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than
actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe there was no art before federal funding.

12. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians,
start wars.

13. You have to believe the free market that gives us 500+
channels can’t deliver the programming quality PBS does.

14. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it stands up for
certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good,
because they stand up for certain parts of the Constitution.

15. You have to believe that taxes are too low but ATM fees are
too high.

16. You have to believe that Harriet Tubman, Cesar Chavez and
Gloria Steinman are more important to American history than
Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Alva Edison.

17. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but
racial quotas and set-asides aren’t.

18. You have to believe that second-hand smoke is more dangerous
than HIV.

19. You have to believe that conservatives are racists but black
people couldn’t make it without your help.

20. You have to believe that the only reason democratic
socialism hasn’t worked anywhere it’s been tried is because the
right people haven’t been in charge.