Blonde gone down

One day a blonde named Stephanie wanted to learn how to fly a airplane. So she goes to the airport and says hi, i’d like to learn how to fly a airplane. Well the guy say all the planes are being ysed,but you can used our last Helicopter. She says….well ok. the guy says you will have to check in every 10 minutes.Stephanie agrees.After 10 minutes she checks in “the scenery is great!”10 minutes later”wow this is so fun!”10 minutes after that she doesn’t check in….So the guy calls her….”what happend to you?” Stephanie replied “well i got really cold and turned off thhe big red fan.�

Tyson Excuses!

The top 10 reasons for Mike Tyson biting Evander Holyfield’s ear:

10. Got a little carried away after seeing “Face/Off”

9. Really wanted to win first prize on “America’s Funniest Home Videos”

8. Like this doesn’t happen every year in the Masters

7. Whenever Moe bites Curly’s ear, it’s hilarious!

6. Has to do this kind of thing to compensate for the fact that he talks like Melanie Griffith

5. I guess you’ve never heard of a little thing called “strategy”

4. Ears is tasty

3. It was self-defense — he wouldn’t stop punching me!

2. “Disqualified” sounds better than “got his ass kicked all over the ring”

1. He ran out of gum

Viajaban en avi�n un cura

Viajaban en avi�n un cura y una monja; de repente falla el motor y caen en medio del desierto. Comienzan a caminar con la esperanza de encontrar un oasis. Hallan un camello y se suben en �l. Pasan las horas, los d�as y del oasis �nada de nada! Por lo que es demasiado para el pobre camello, y �ste muere. Entonces el sacerdote repara en la monjita, que a decir verdad no estaba nada mal, y el instrumento se le empieza a poner duro, raz�n por la cual se acerca a la monjita y le dice:

“Mire, aqu� nos vamos a morir, nos hemos portado muy bien obedeciendo en todo al Se�or, por tal motivo tengo la seguridad de que si cometemos un pecadillo se nos perdonar� all� arriba, as� que �por qu� no fornicamos hasta morir?

“�C�mo cree, padre!”

“�ndele, hag�moslo, al fin y al cabo de que nos morimos, nos morimos”

Despu�s de no mucho insistir la monja acepta, y le dice el sacerdote, “a ver, ens��eme su cosita”.

La monja se levanta el h�bito y le muestra tremendo mollocoyo, y todo excitado le pregunta, “�y eso qu� es?”

“�El para�so!”, le contesta la religiosa.

Despu�s, la hermana le dice al cura que le muestre lo suyo. El padre inmediatamente se despoja de su investidura y deja ver tremendo animalote, y la monja le pregunta: “�y eso qu� es?

El religioso agarr�ndose el instrumento con ambas manos responde, “�esto es la pura vida!”

“�Ah s�?, �Pues m�tasela al camello a ver si revive!”

New Survivor Series

Six married men will be dropped on an island with 1 car and 4 kids each, for 6 weeks.

Each kid plays two sports and either takes music or dance classes.

There is no access to fast food.

Each man must take care of his 4 kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc.

The men only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

There is only one TV between them and there is NO REMOTE.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves, either while driving or while making four lunches.

They must attend weekly PTA meetings; clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m.; make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4-year-old to eat a serving of peas.

The kids vote them off the island, based on performance. The last man wins ……..only if,�he has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over again for the next 18-25 years …eventually earning the right to be called Mother.

Submitted by BreeBrown
Edited by Curtis

Top 13 New Star Wars Movies

13. Star Wars I: “Star Trek, the Next Generation” kisses our Jedi ass.

12. Just Hand Over the Wallet, and Nobody Gets Hurt

11. Springtime for Vader

10. Episode I: Mr. Lucas Wants A Bigger Boat

9. Obi Wan, Chaka Khan. Chaka Khan, Obi Wan.

8. Your turn, Steven.

7. The Toys-R-Us Christmas ’99 Catalog

6. Boba Fett’s Not In It So Don’t Even Ask, Fanboy!!!!

5. Titanic *THIS*, Jim Cameron!

4. Star Wars I (Harrison Ford Not Included)

3. Star Wars: Yoda Man! No, Yoda Man!

2. There’s Something About Money

1. Come To Papa, You Geeks