Author: admin

Why don’t Blackwomen make good nuns?

They can’t say “Superior” after “Mother”

This bloke walks into a bar and over the next couple of hours proceeds to get increasingly drunk. Suddenly he spots a guy in the corner with a group of friends and begins to verbally abuse him.”Oi you he shouts. I’ve shagged your mum!!” The man carries on drinking trying to ignore the guy’s drunken rantings.Half an hour later the drunk stands up and renews his abuse.”Oi you” he shouts even louder this time “I shagged your mum up the bum”The guy in the corner turns his back on him and continues talking with friends although by now visibly irate. Half a hour later the drunk pipes up once again.”Oi you! your mum sucked my d*ck!!” By now the guy in the corner has lost his cool, he stands up furiously and yells……….. “For f*cks sake Dad go home, you’re embarrassing me.”

A young woman in a REALLY skimpy skirt is at the bus stop. When the bus arrives and the doors open she tries to climb the steps. However, her skirt is too tight and her legs can’t move. So she reaches behind her and undoes her zipper.

She tries to step up again, and still can’t, so she reaches behind again and plays with the zipper.

She tries to climb the steps again…still no luck.

So as she’s reaching behind again, a pair of strong hands pick her up and place her on the top step.

“What do you think you’re doing?”, she asks the guy behind her.

“Well, I figured the second time you undid my fly we were at least good friends!”

“Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man who run in front of car get tired.”

“Passionate kiss is like spider web, soon lead to undoing of fly.”

“Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give girlfriend upright organ.”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

What do you call a spanish woman with a yeast infection?

A macarena with cheese.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo

Sam & Jesus [PUN WARNING] Many many years ago in the town of Jerusalem lived a very nice Jewish man, named Sam, with his wife and children. Times were hard, and this gentleman had to work very long hours daily as a laborer to house and feed his family. But his real love was sewing. Although he put in long hours at his job, he would often stay up half the night designing and making clothes. His dream was to some day have a shop of his own where he could outfit everyone. One evening, as he sat sewing by lamp light, he heard a commotion outside. When he went to look, he saw all his neighbors going to an area of raised field, so he tagged along. There was an enormous crowd, and up on the hill he saw a tall bearded man preaching. Sam was intrigued by this man, a very eloquent speaker, the crowd was so quiet. But, thought Sam, this man looked dusty, dirty, poorly dressed, and tired. So after the sermon, Sam managed to go speak to this man. Sam told him he was great speaker, really holding the people’s attention, but that clothes really do help, and that if he were dressed better he would make a much better impression. Then Sam had a great idea — he offered to make the man, (whose name he found out was Jesus), a new outfit, for free, if when Jesus went out on another speaking tour, he would just happen to drop into his speech from where he got his clothes. Jesus thought this over, saying that it was true his appearance did need improving, after all, traveling the way he did was hard on his clothing and that he just hadn’t the time or the money to get new outfits. And so it was agreed. Jesus was to be gone on the road for another two weeks, so Sam spent nearly every night now designing, cutting out, and sewing a beautiful robe. When Jesus was back in town, Sam took him the new outfit. And Jesus promised to tell folks from where his new outfit had come.Over the next several months, people began coming to Sam’s house, asking for new clothes because they had seen and admired what the man Jesus was wearing. With orders for several complete wardrobes, Sam was able to quit his day laborer job, and, with the help of his wife, he set up a little business. A month later, Jesus was back in town and he came to Sam’s house. Sam thanked him profusely and said he thought they should be partners, open up a real shop, not just in his house. Sam said he would put up a sign, what did Jesus think of ‘Sam and Jesus Clothing’? Jesus thought a minute, then said, ‘I think the sign should read ‘Lord and Taylor’.

How do get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an alter boy.

O’Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket
when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet
running down his leg.

“Please, God,” he implored, “let it be blood!”

There was a man wanting to hire someone for his new buisness.
This black woman walked in and said, “I’m looking for a job.”
The man said “Okay”, but i don’t have the applications ready
yet.”Then he said I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll give you four
words and you have to make a sentence out of them. She said I
gotts tis! The man said the first word is “Read.” So she said “I
went to the store and bought a red dress. The man said okay,
second word, “nachos”. She said “okay i gotts tis,” I went to
the store and bought a red dress and its nach yos. The man was
getting angry with the women but said okay third word
“NINEBUTTONS.” She replied again, “Okay I gotts tis,” I went to
the store and bought a red dress that nach yos and has nine
buttons and buttonss eight. The mas was really angry now,but he
said okay last word “HOTEL!” She said,” OKAY I GOTTS TIS!!! I
WENT TO THE STORE AND BOUGHT A RED DRESS AND ITS NACH YOS IT HAS
NINE BUTTONS AND I ONLY BUTTONSS EIGHT AND WHEN I BEND OVER YOU
CAN SEE MY HO’TAIL!”