Author: admin

A well-stacked young advertising secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked. Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, “Is that for sale?” “Of course not!” she snapped angrily, blushing furiously. Unchanged, he replied quietly, “Then, I suggest you quit advertising it.”

The girls’ prayer: Our Cash Which art on plastic Hallowed be thy name Thy Cartier watch Thy Prada bag In Myer As it is in David Jones Give us each day our Platinum Visa And forgive us our overdraft As we forgive those who stop our Mastercard And lead us not into Katies And deliver us from Sussans For thine is the Dinnigan, the Akira and the Armani For Chanel No.5 and Eternity Amex.The boys’ prayer:Our beer Which art in bottles Hallowed by thy sport Thy will be drunk I will be drunk At home as it is in the pub Give us each day our daily schooners And forgive us our spillage As we forgive those who spillest against us And lead us not into the practice of poofy wine tasting And deliver us from Tequila For mine is the bitter The chicks and the footy Forever and ever Barmen.

Un hombre est� en la cama con su amante cuando de repente se oye que alguien est� abriendo la puerta de la casa.

“�Rapido, v�stete!”

“Joder, �y ahora que hacemos?”

“D�jame a m�, que yo distraigo a mi marido.”

Total, que va la mujer, se pone una bata, y le dice a su marido: “�Pepe, t� que est�s vestido, podr�as sacar la basura? Asi, el marido se va a llevar la basura, mientras el amante se escapa tranquilamente, y por la calle va pensando: “Hay que ver lo lista que es Maria, no como mi esposa, que es tonta perdida la pobre.”

Total, que llega a su casa, abre la puerta, y se encuentra a su esposa vestida con una bata que le dice: “Manolo, t� que est�s vestido, podr�as sacar la basura?” As� que coge la basura y la baja a la calle pensando: “Joder, desde luego hay que ver lo vaga que es la boba de mi esposa, �todo el d�a en casa y no tiene tiempo ni de sacar la basura!”

Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor.
This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.

A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai.

The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly.
WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces!
The emperor says, “That is very impressive!”

Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOSH. WOOOOOOOSH.
The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces!
The emperor says, “That is really impressive!”

Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai.

The Jewish samurai thinks, “If it works for the other two…” So the Jewish samurai walks in, opens a matchbox,and out pops a little fly.
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH!
A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still buzzing around.
The emperor says in disappointment, “Why is the fly not dead?”

And the Jewish samurai replies – “Look closer, that fly has been circumcised!”

Adam and Eve

In the Garden of Eden, As everyone knows, Lives Adam and Eve, Without any clothes.

In this garden, Were two little leaves, One covered Adam’s, One covered Eve’s.

As the story goes on, Never the less to say, The wind came along, And blew the leaves away.

At the sight, Adam did stare, There was Eve’s treasure, All covered with hair.

And wonder came, Under Eve’s eyes, As Adam’s thing, Started to rise.

They found a spot, That suited them best, A nice big tree, Where they began to rest.

Her legs spread wider, And wider apart, While thrill after thrill, Came into her heart.

The head of Adam’s thing, Peeked into the hole, And filled her with passion, Beyond her control.

Backward and forward, His thing did slide, And Eve’s treasure, Was all wet inside.

The joy was good, She wouldn’t let loose, Until Adam’s thing, Was all out of juice.

Then down through the years, People did screw, And now it is time, For me and you.

So pull down your pants, And lay in the grass, Cause I’m in the mood, For a piece of that ASS!

What do you call two Vietnamese in a Trans Am?

The Gooks of Hazard.