this little old lady calls 911. when the operator answers she yells, “help,
send the police to my house right away! there’s a damn democrat on my front
porch and he’s playing with himself.”
“what?” the operator exclaimed.
“i said there is a f****** democrat on my front porch playing with himself and
he’s weird; i don’t know him and i’m afraid! please send the police!” the little
old lady repeated.
“well, now, how do you know he’s a democrat?”
“because, you damn fool, if it was a republican, he’d be f****** somebody!”
Author: admin
Sister and Priest
A priest and nun are on their way back home from a convention when their car breaks down. They are unable to get repairs completed and it appears that they will have to spend the night in a motel.
The only motel in this town has only one room available so they have a minor problem.
Priest: Sister, I don’t think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I’ll sleep on the couch and you take the bed.
Sister: I think that would be okay.
They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later…
Sister: Father, I’m terribly cold.
Priest: Okay, I’ll get up and get you a blanket from the closet.
Ten minutes later…
Sister: Father, I’m still terribly cold.
Priest: Okay Sister, I’ll get up and get you another blanket.
Ten minutes later…
Sister: Father, I’m still terribly cold. I don’t think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night.
Priest: You’re probably right…get up and get your own damn blanket!
The Fisherman
What do you call the best fisherman?
A master baiter.
What’s your best playing position
Jamie decided to try out for the Ohio State baseball team.
He arrived at the practice field carrying his glove and spikes.
The coach approached him and said, “Okay, Jamie. Name yer best playin’
position.”
“Sorta stooped over like this,” answered the country boy.
Blondes on walls
Why did the blonde climb the glass wall??To see what was on the other side
Over billed
Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Lawyers love sushi!
Q: Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
A: It’s called, Sosumi.
Airport
two blondes driving to the airport
and the sign says airport left
so they turned round and went back home again!!
What, No Golden Goos
A man comes home late one night, drunk.”Where have you been?” asks his wife.”In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and a golden urinal!” This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife, who calls the Golden Bar.”Do you have golden chairs?””Yes.””Do you have golden glasses?””Yes.””Do you have golden beer?””Yes.””Do you have a golden urinal?””Hold on.” On the other end, she hears “I think we have a line on the guy who pissed in your saxophone.”
Why are there no [ethnic]
Why are there no [ethnic] Paratroopers?
It’s against international law to through trash out of a plane.
Smart Blonde
Did you hear about the smart blonde? You won’t either.
Your Momma
Your mommas so fat, someone said it was chilly outside and she went to get a bowl