Your Momma So Fat When She Put On A Yellow Suit Everyone Lined Up To Go On The Bus.
Author: admin
INTER OFFICE
INTER OFFICE MEMORANDUM
SUBJECT: Solution to Y2K Problem
Factory Networks is pleased to announce the successful completion of a pilot program that was developed to establish a low-cost solution to the Year 2000 issue. In accordance with the wishes of the our manager, at meeting last week, we have been asked to implement this plan on a group-wide basis ASAP. Our new goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by Jan, 1999. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch.
There are many sound reasons for doing this:
1. No Y2K problems
2. Reduction in technical problems
3. Major reduction in software costs.
4. Smaller learning curve for our managers.
As part of our continuing effort to be proactive in our customer relations, we are including the most frequently asked questions from our test group from the pilot phase. We believe that these questions cover approximately 99% of the issued involved with the new ‘systems’ – though we recognize it is certainly not foolproof since we all know how ingenious fools are. Should you have questions or concerns with this plan, please contact a member of the system administration team and take it up with them.
Banana Cake Mix
Ingredients:
—————–
2 x Laughing Eyes
2 x Well-shaped Legs
2 x Loving Arms
2 x Firm Milk Containers
2 x Nuts
Fur-lined mixing bowl
Firm Banana
Method:
————
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs slowly.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently until
fur-lined mixing bowl is well greased. Check frequently
with finger.
4. Meanwhile ensure that loving arms are attached to firm banana.
5. Add firm banana to fur-lined mixing bowl gently. Work in and
out until well creamed. For best results continue to knead milk
containers.
6. As heat rises plunge banana deep into fur-lined mixing bowl,
cover with nuts, sigh with relief. Leave to soak (preferably not
overnight).
7. The cake is cooked when the banana is soft. If the banana
doesn’t soften, repeat method or change mixing bowl.
8. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen be sure to wash utensils
carefully after use.
Please Note:
DO NOT LICK MIXING BOWL AFTER BANANA SOFTENS.
IF CAKE “RISES” LEAVE TOWN AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
Dinosaur sh**
your mama is so brown when she sat down she looked like a pile of dinousaur shit
Absent minded professors?
A Mississippi professor was at a party and became indignant when asked if
college professors were absent-minded.
“Professors haven’t got bad memories,” he declared. “They’re not
absent-minded. Don’t you think I know where I am right now, and don’t you think
tomorrow I’ll know where I was last night? Would somebody like to ask me another
question?”
“Yes,” said another guest. “Is it true that professors are absent-minded and
have bad memories?”
“Good!” said the professor. “I knew sooner or later somebody would ask me that
question.”
Q: How many statisticians
Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Walt Pirie to hold the bulb and one psychologist, one economist, one sociologist and one anthroplogist to pull away the ladder.
Knock Knock 183
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Usher!
Usher who?
Usher wish you would let me in!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Uta!
Uta who?
Uta sight, uta mind!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Utah!
Utah who?
Utah told me to knock!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Utica!
Utica who?
Utica the high road and I’ll take the low road!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Uva!
Uva who?
Uva vacuum!
Doggie Style
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Does you and your wife ever do it doggie style?”
“Well… not exactly. She’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.”
“Oh, I see, kinky, huh?”
“Well… not exactly….”
“I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead.”
Q: How many keyboardists
Q: How many keyboardists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Only one, but if you wait until next month, Yamaha will have a new model bulb out which is much better.
La mujer se pone un
La mujer se pone un vaporoso neglig� y trata de excitar al hombre que est� en la cama leyendo el Newsweek.
Nada.
La f�mina se quita la bata para mostrar lo que hay debajo. El esposo sigue leyendo su revista. Con un ligero retint�n en la voz, la esposa le pregunta:
“�Qu� ha tra�do la revista de interesante?”
“Un art�culo donde dicen que cient�ficos de la Universidad de Tokio han logrado probar que tener relaciones sexuales prolonga la vida”.
Acto seguido, el tipo coloca la revista en la mesita de noche y apaga la luz.
“Hasta ma�ana, amorcito”, dice.
“Hasta ma�ana… �SUICIDA!”
Bribing the juror
Murphy, a dishonest lawyer, bribed a man on his client’s jury to hold out for a charge of manslaughter, as opposed to the charge of murder which was brought by the state. The jury was out for several days before they returned with the manslaughter verdict. When Murphy paid the corrupt juror, he asked him if he had a very difficult time convincing the other jurors to see things his way. “Sure did,” the juror replied, “the other eleven wanted to acquit.”
Sexual tension quiz
Answers below….
1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes.
When I’m not well, I drip.
When you blow me, I feel good.
2. I’m spread before I’m eaten.
Your tongue gets me off.
People sometimes lick my nuts.
3. I assist an erection.
Sometimes big balls hang from me.
I’m called a big swinger.
4. Over 1,000 people went down on me.
I wasn’t maiden for long.
A big hard thing ripped me open.
5. You stick your poles inside me.
You tie me down to get me up.
I get wet before you do.
6. When I go in I cause pain.
I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow.
I can fill your hole.
7. A finger goes in me.
You fiddle with me when you’re bored.
The best man always has me first.
8. All day long, it’s in and out.
I discharge loads from my shaft.
Both men and women go down on me.
9. I go in hard.
I come out soft.
You blow me hard.
10. If I miss, I hit your bush.
It’s my job to stuff your box.
When I come, it’s news.
11. I offer Protection.
I get the finger ten times.
You use your fingers to get me off.
12. I have a stiff shaft.
My tip penetrates.
I come with a quiver.
13. My business is briefs.
I am a cunning linguist.
I plead and plead for it.
…………………………………………………………………………….
Answers:
1. nose
2. peanut butter
3. crane
4. Titanic
5. tent
6. dentist
7. wedding ring
8. elevator
9. chewing gum
10. newspaper boy
11. glove
12. arrow
13. attorney
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis