Author: admin

25th Anniversary

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A man and his wife go to their honeymoon place for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband:

“When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”

The husband replied: “All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked: “What are you thinking now?”

He replied: “It looks like I did a pretty good job.”

Divorce Time

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Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, “I want you to help me get a divorce.The Lawyer says OK, what are your grounds.My husband is getting a little queer to sleep with.””What do you mean?” asked the attorney. “Does he force you to indulge in unusual sex practices?””No,” replied the woman, “and neither does the little queer.”

Blonde Hijacker

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Airport Security alerted an airline crew to keep an eye a blonde passenger who appeared excessively nervous and shifty-eyed. Soon after takeoff, the blonde man called a stewardess to his seat and said, “I have a live grenade in my pocket. I’ll blow up the plane if you do not divert to Cairo.”Perplexed, the stewardess said, “But, sir. This is TWA flight 1219 to Cairo.””Damn!” replied the blonde passenger, “I got on the wrong plane.”

Camping with Sherlock Holmes

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see!”

“I see millions of stars,” Watson said. “What does that tell you?” Holmes asked.

Watson replied. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful. Meteorologically, I suspect we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

“Watson, you idiot,” he said. “Someone has stolen our tent!”

Reflections on Life

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Life’s Reflections1. I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.2. I’m in shape. Round is a shape.3. I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.4. Ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?5. Ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?6. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we have no idea where she is.7. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

Fighting Logic

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“I’m ashamed of you,” the mother said. “Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!””He threw a rock at me!” the boy said. “So I threw one at him.”The mother stated emphatically, “When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me.”The boy quickly replied, “What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours.”

Another Castration

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A man went to his doctor and said, “I want to be castrated.”
“What?” said the doctor, “surely you don’t want that.”
“Yes,” said the man, “that’s what I want; I insist.”

So, the doctor told him to check into the hospital. When he did he was stripped, laid on a cart, wheeled into the operating room, anaesthetized, and CHWOP! off they came. The next day, he woke up in a double room and, wanting to be socialable, asked the man in the next bed what he was in for.

“Oh, I was circumsized,” the man said.
“Son of a bitch! That’s the word I was looking for!”