Author: admin

Jack and Jill went up the hill
to smoke some maruighuana
Jack got high and dropped his fly
so Jill said “Ooh I wanna!”

Old Mrs. Stubbard went to the cubboard
To get the dog a bone
When she bent over
the dog took over
and gave her a bone of his own

Every time Timmy’s mom had her boyfriend over, she put Timmy in the closet with his teddy bear. One day, hearing her husband coming up the stairs, she quickly shoved her boyfriend in with Timmy.”Gee, it’s mighty dark in here,” Timmy said.”Yes, it sure is,” replied the boyfriend.”You wanna buy my teddy bear for fifty bucks?” asked Timmy.”No way, kid. You’re crazy,” said the boyfriend.”I’ll scream,” said Timmy.So the boyfriend forked over the money. The next time Timmy’s grandmother came to visit, she noticed that her grandson was buying candy, ice cream and comic books. “Where did you get the money for all those things?” she asked, but Timmy wouldn’t tell her. “Well, if you won’t tell me, you’ll have to go to confession and tell the priest,” said Grandma, and dragged Timmy off to the church.As he entered the gloomy confession booth, Timmy said, “Gee, it’s mighty dark in here.””Are you going to start that shit again?” the priest replied.

It seems God noticed Adam was despondent. So the Lord God said, “Adam, come over here and sit down!”. And Adam did so.

“Adam,” spoke the Creator, “I see your countenance is fallen and you seem to feel rotten and lonely.” Adam said nothing in response. “So,” continued the Lord, “I am going to create an alternate person who will be with you!” Adam just looked puzzled but interested. “This person,” said the Lord, “will take all the raw and tasteless food that you are currently ruining and will prepare wonderful, spicy, and tasty dishes.” Adam looked grateful. “This person, “said the Lord, “will be beautiful to behold and graceful and interesting to watch as she walks.” Adam looked thoughtful. “This person, “emphasized the Lord,”will be able to satisfy all those dreams that you currently are having!” Adam really looked relieved. “And, lastly,” said the Lord, “She will obey your every whim and desire and order with cheerfulness.” Adam was really impressed and finally spoke.

“O.K., Lord, but what is this going to cost me?” “An arm and a leg,” said the Almighty.

“Well,” Adam then said, “What can I get for a rib?”

Quotes taken from actual employee evaluations:

1. “Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has
started to dig.”
2. “I would not allow this employee to breed.”
3. “This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definitely won’t be.”
4. “This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”
5. “Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a
trap.”
6. “When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever
foot was previously in there.”
7. “He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
them.”
8. “This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”
9. “This employee should go far-and the sooner he starts, the better.”