Un hombre le dice a su novia:
“Mar�a, ahora mismo te la voy a meter hasta el fondo”.
“�Pero, Carlos, podr�as ser algo m�s rom�ntico! �No?”
“Est� bien, Mar�a: A la luz de la luna, te la voy a meter hasta el fondo”.
Author: admin
Drunken Scottsman
Q: How does a drunken Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?A: Very satisfying
Housekeeper
This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home.
He calls her on the phone, and says, “I’ll be home in an hour.”
“Perfect,” she replies.
The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before.
He takes the Viagra and waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife?
She calls him on the phone and she says, “Traffic is terrible. I won’t be there for about an hour and a half.”
The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. “What should I do?” he asks.
The Doctor replied, “It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?”
“Yes” the man replied.
“Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?” said the Doctor.
The man then replied with dismay, “But I don’t need Viagra with the housekeeper…”
Jonnys new radio
Two twins, Donny and Johnny, are asked by their parents what they each would like for their 10th birthday.
“I’d like a new bike” says Donny. “Then I could ride around and see everything that happens in the neighborhood”.
“And I’d like a radio for my room” says Johnny. “Then I would hear all the news that goes on in town”.
So their parents buy them the gifts. Later on that day, Donny is out on his bike when he comes upon a serious car crash. There are bodies and emergency vehicles all over.
“I gotta go tell Mom” says Donny, so he races back to the house and shouts “Mom! There’s been a terrible accident!”
“Yeah, yeah” says his brother, “We heard all about it on my new radio.”
Donny is disappointed he could not be first with the news, so he leaves on his bike. A little while later, he comes upon a burning orphanage.
“Wow! I gotta go tell Mom.”
So he races home again and yells for his Mom, but again Johnny interupts and says “We heard it all on my new radio.”
Once again Donny leaves disappointed. He rides and rides until he is out in the country. He sees a big, fat pig all alone in a field, and decides since he appears to be alone, to fuck the pig. He has his first orgasm and is so excited he thinks “I gotta go tell Mom!”
He races home and yells “Mom, Mom! I lost my virginity!”
His brother says with a sneer, “In a pig’s ass you did!”
And Donny says “That FUCKIN’ radio!!!”
Health condition
The Queen of England was visiting one of Canada’s top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.
“Oh my God,” said the Queen, “that’s disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?”
The Doctor leading the tour explains; “I am sorry your highness, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with
semen. If he doesn’t do that 5 times a day, they’ll explode, and he would die instantly.”
“Oh, I am sorry,” said the Queen.
On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient oral sex.
“Oh my God,” said the Queen, “what’s happening in there?”
The Doctor replied, “Same problem, better health plan.”
Fun to do during an exam
You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.36. Come in wearing a full knight’s outfit, complete with sword and shield.
Friends golfing
Sid and Barney head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only nine holes.
Sid says to Barney, ‘Let’s say we make the time worth while, at least for one of us and put $5 on the lowest score for the day.’
Barney agrees and they enjoy a great game.
After the eighth hole, Barney is ahead by one stroke but cuts his ball into the rough on the ninth.
‘Help me find my ball. You look over there,’ he says to Sid.
After five minutes, neither has had any luck and since a lost ball carries a four-point penalty, Barney pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ‘I’ve found my ball,’ he announces triumphantly.
Sid looks at him forlornly, ‘After all the years we’ve been friends, you’d cheat me on golf for a measly five bucks?’
‘What do you mean cheat?’ says Barney, ‘I found my ball right here.’
‘And a liar too,’ Sid says with amazement, ‘I’ll have you know, I’ve been standing on your ball for the last five minutes.’
The Arab and the Jew
Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat.
Just before take-off a fat, little Jewish guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the arab in the window seat said, “I think I’ll go up and get a Coke.” (Shuttle flights do not have cabin attendants, but you probably knew that.)
“No problem,” said the Jew. “I’ll get it for you.”
While he was gone the Arab picked up the Jew’s shoe and spit in it. The Jew brought back the coke, when the other Arab said “That looks
good. Think I’ll have one too.”
Again, the Jew obligingly goes to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab picks up the other shoe and spits in it. The Jew returns with the coke, and they all sit back and enjoy the short flight. When the plane was landing the Jew slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
“How long must this go on?” he asked. “This enmity between our peoples ….this hatred… your spitting in my shoes and me pissing in your Coke?”
Duck
One day there are three drunk teenagers (girls). In the middle of the night they are driving home. The driver swirves and goes off a cliff and all three die.
In heaven there is only one rule don’t step on a duck (there are ducks every where). So a few hours later the first woman steps on a duck and gets chained to the ugliest man ever.
So a couple daps later the second woman steps on a duck and gets chained two the second ugliest man in heaven.
So years go by and the third woman is shopping and all of the sudden a handsome man gets chained to her. She then says “what i didn’t step on a duck.”” And the man says “”but i did.””
“
Loud Orgasm
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, “I’ve got a big problem doctor. Every time we’re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear-splitting yell.”
“My dear,” the shrink said, “that’s completely natural. I don’t see what the problem is?”
“The problem is,” she complained, “It wakes me up.”
Wrong Breasts
The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant. “Doctor,” she explained, “the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.” The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl’s breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on one nipple.”Young lady,” he finally announced, “no wonder the baby is losing weight, you haven’t any milk!””Of course not!” she shrieked. “It’s not my child, it’s my sister’s!”
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the…
Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad
Wolf crouched down behind a log.
“My what big eyes you have, Mr Wolf”, says Little Red Riding Hood.
The wolf jumps up and runs away.
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time
he is crouched behind a tree stump.
“My what big ears you have, Mr Wolf” says Little Red Riding Hood. Again the
wolf jumps up and runs away.
About two miles down the ighway Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf yet again
this time crouched down behind a road sign.
“My what big teeth you have, Mr Wolf” taunts Little Red Riding Hood.
With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, “Will you leave me the
hell alone! I’m trying to take a shit!”