Author: admin

Quiz for Weeding Out Induhviduals

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There is much concern that Induhviduals are trying to pass themselves off
as DNRC members. If you are in doubt about a particular person’s
Induhviduality, simply administer this IQ quiz (Induhviduality Quotient):

1. What is the capital letter in Russia?

2. If 2 + 2 is 4 and 2 x 2 is also 4, what’s the big deal about
multiplication anyway?

3. Titanium is:

A. A big boat that sank
B. A vulgar latin term
C. A long-haired performer who plays the ukelele

4. When you close the refrigerator door, what happens to the light inside?

A. Nobody knows because it’s dark in there
B. It gets trapped inside because it’s not as fast as you might think
C. It combines with the yogurt to make “Light Yogurt.”

5. If you bang your head against your keyboard, it feels good as soon as
you:

A. Stop
B. Become unconscious
C. 0;Hijejnkh9*&^^^jnnlwj

6. If you are planning to be in a relay race and you can’t find a baton,
a
good substitute would be:

A. Scissors
B. Hand grenade
C. Soap

Redneck 911

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A red neck dials 911 in a panic and the dialog goes:

Redneck: Operatur, we need some help here, we got some lady floppin around haven a heart attack or somethin. Git someone here quick!

Operator: Look sir, just calm down. You need to tell me where you are. Where are you?

Redneck: We’re over here at 909 Eucalyptus street..

Operator: O.k. sir, can you spell that for me?

Redneck: (long pause) Um,I’m gonna drag her on over to Oak street, umkay? Meet you on the corner.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING CANADIAN

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1. It beats being an American.
2. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the
ground.
3. You can play ice hockey 12 months a year, outdoors.
4. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the
ground.
5. Where else can you travel 1000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
6. A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his/her popularity ratings
will rise.
7. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the
ground.
8. Kill Grizzly bears with huge shotguns and cover your house in their
skins.
9. Own-an-Eskimo scheme.
10. Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the
ground.

Way bhind

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“A British doctor says ‘Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take
a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work in six
weeks.’

A German doctor says, ‘That’s nothing, we can take a lung out of one person
put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks.’

A Russian doctor says, ‘In my country medicine is so advanced we can take half
a heart out of one person put it in another and have them both looking for work
in two weeks.’

An American doctor, not to be outdone, says, ‘You guys are way behind, we just
took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House now half the
country is looking for work, and the other half is preparing for war.”

How can you tell Doc?

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A man went to the dentist to get his teeth checked.

While he was sitting in the chair being examined, the dentist said to him, “Have you done oral sex lately?”

The man replied, “Why yes, I did this morning actually. How could you tell? Have you found a pubic hair stuck in my tooth?”

The dentist says, “No, not quite. You’ve got some shit on the end of your nose!”

First Time in Prison

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This man is convicted of crime and sentenced to do hard time in
prison. The man has never been imprisoned before and is very
scared. He is most terrified from the stories of how new inmates
are raped and used sexually by other prisoners.

As he is being led to his cell the first day, other inmates are
whistling at him and yelling lewd comments. This only
intensifies his worries and concerns about being raped.

When he reaches his cell, he sees that his cellmate is a very
large, ugly, mean-looking guy. The man is just sure that he’ll
be abused. When the guard leaves, the cellmate says nothing and
appears uninterested in the man’s arrival. He is is a little
relieved. “Maybe I got lucky,” thinks the man to himself.

The end of the day approaches and still no conversation or
contact from the big, ugly cellmate. The guards announce lights
out, and the place goes almost black. The man is relieved when
still nothing is said and starts to relax a little.

Then all of a sudden in a deep, straight-forward voice, the
cellmate says, “You want to be the man or the woman tonight?”

The man’s heart races and he is stricken with fear. This is the
moment he’s been dreading. He says, “Excuse me?”

Again, the big, ugly cellmate says, “You gonna be the man or the
woman tonight?”

The man thinks to himself that he has no way to avoid this
situation. The other guy is too big and there is no escape. He
says, “I think I’d like to be the man,” thinking that he can at
least close his eyes and perform the sex act without pain this
night.

The cellmate says, “You want to be the man tonight?”

The man replies, “Yes, please, if that’s alright with you.”

The big ugly cellmate turns around, drops his pants, bends over
spreading his ass cheeks wide. He looks around and say to the
man in a deep demanding voice, “Alright, then get over here and
start eating your ol’ lady’s pussy!”

Porsche

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There was this blonde applying for a job and saw a sign that said needed for paint job, Come here. So she went to the house and knocked on the door.
She said,I’m here for the paint job;and the guy said,Ok.Here’s the paint I want you to paint the porch.

She said, No Problem, and set off to work. She finished the first coating and decided because it didn’t take very long she would give it a second coat.

She finished the second and knocked on the door. She said, I gave it two coats and oh,by the way, It’s not a porsche, It’s a ferrarie.

TWINKEYS

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THIS GUY THREW HIS USED CONDEM OUT THE WINDOW BECAUSE IT WAS FILLED UP WITH HIS JUICE SO THE GUY WAS ALL OUT OF CONDOMS SO HE GOES TO THE STORE AND ASKS FOR A CONDOM HES ALL OUT TO SO HE GOES TO HIS BETS FRIEND AND ASKS IF HE COULD USE ONE OF HIS HE WAS ALL OUT TOO SO WHEN HE WAS WALKING BACK TO HIS APPARTMENT HE DECIDED THAT HE AS GONNA JUST GO FIND HIS USED ONE THAT HE THREW OUT THE WINDOW SO HE GOES TO THE SPOT THAT HE THREW HIS CONDEM BUT THER WASA LITTLE GIRL THERE SO THE GIRL PICKED UP THE CONDEM BUT THE LITTLE GIRL DIDNT NO WHAT IT WAS SO THE GUY SAID TO THE LITTLE GIRL I WILL GIVE YOU $1.00 FOR THAT TWINKEY SO THE GIRL SAID OK SO THE GUY GETS HIS CONDEM BASK AND THE LITTLE GRIL GOES TO HE HOUSE AND SAYS TO HER MOM AND SAYS MOM I JIPED THIS GUY HE GAVE ME A $1.00 FOR A TWINKEY BUT I SUCKED OUT ALL THE CREAM

The Net

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I think I’d like to go use the net.
Will it mess up? You bet!
There are too many things loading now.
How slow can it go? Just how?
All the loading is done.
Time for some fun.
Hey, there’s an ICQ mail.
If Netscape messes up NOW, I’ll wail.
Now I’ve got the message, and might want to send one.
I might have some fun!
I click back on Netscape, and somehow the ICQ screen is stuck.
Netscape is a slow as a giant puddle of muck.
I can’t do anything now.
I can? How?
Netscape 4 won’t run,
but I can still have fun.
Time to use old Netscape 3.
Hee Hee Hee!
What? I need a newer browser?
Do you want me to become Bowser?
I can still do some.
But that some is kinda dumb.
At least I can chat,
and eat until I get fat.
Well, I’m having some fun looking at lol-jokes.com now.
It just disconnected. How?
That was bad.
I had about one 10000th the fun I thought I would have had.
So now I know, that I should get MY browser from Microsoft!
It will keep me aloft!