The President was visiting a grade school the other day and sat in on an English class. To participate in the class, he asked for someone to give him an example of a tragedy. A little girl named Peggy held up her hand timidly and said, ‘If my friend was walking across the street and a car ran over her… well, that would be a tragedy!’ ‘Well, thank you for trying,’ The Prez said. ‘That would be what we would call an accident, but not a tragedy. Can anybody else give me an example?’A little boy named Timmy said, ‘If the school bus was full of kids and a truck hit it and killed all the kids that would be a tragedy.”Well, that would be what we call a great loss, but it doesn’t quite make the tragic category,’ the President replied. About his time little Johnny held up his hand. ‘Oh. Oh. I know, I know…’ Johnny started. ‘If you and the Vice President and all the senators and all the congressmen were having a meeting, and a bomb blew everybody up that would be a tragedy.’ ‘That’s right!’ the President exclaimed. ‘How did you figure that out?’ ‘Well,’ said Johnny, ‘it wouldn’t be an accident and it darn sure wouldn’t be a great loss!’
Author: admin
Related sale
“The Related Sale” was the subject of a pep talk given recently
by the manager of a certain super-drug store.
“For instance, if a customer wants razor blades,” he told
employees, “ask him how he’s fixed for shaving cream and
after-shave lotion. That way you can turn a small sale into a
bigger one and make more commission.”
The youngest clerk was very impressed with the talk and was
eager to try the technique on his very next customer. This
turned out to be a rather embarrassed gentleman who shyly
requested a box of Kotex for his wife.
Ten minutes later, the manager of the store was amazed to see
The customer staggering out loaded down with assorted fishing
equipment, tackle, nets, boots and a one-man inflatable life
raft.
“What happened?!” The manager gasped, and the clerk modestly
attributed his success to “The Related Sale.”
“Related Sale!” Exclaimed the manager. “But all he wanted was a
box of Kotex.”
“I know,” said the clerk. “So I said, ‘Look, mister, there isn’t
going to be much doing around your house this weekend. Why don’t
you take a fishing trip?'”
One Chicken, One Roa
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Job humor…or is it?
‘COMPETITIVE SALARY:’ We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. ‘JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:’ We have no time to train you. ‘CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:’ We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up. ‘MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:’ You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day. ‘SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:’ Some time each night and some time each weekend. ‘DUTIES WILL VARY:’ Anyone in the office can boss you around. ‘MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:’ We have no quality control. ‘CAREER-MINDED:’Applicants must be childless (and remain that way). ‘SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: ‘ You’ll need it to replace three people who just left. ‘PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:’ You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos. ‘REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:’ You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect. ‘GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:’ Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do.
A BBS Commandment
10. Thou shalt help other users.
A blonde breaks out of jail
A brennette, a red head, and a blonde break out of jail. They decide to hide in a next door barn. The next morning the brenette hears police car sirighns. “Quick lets hide in those baskets!” Says the bernette. So they hide. The cop is ordered to kick the first basket he does and the bernett says “Bark!” “Darn dogs.” The cop mumbles. He is ordered to kick the second basket. He does and the red head says “Meow!” “Darn cats.” the cop again mumbles. He is ordered to kick the last basket and the blonde yells “PATATOES!!!”
Difference
Q: What’s the difference between mathematics and economics?
A: Mathematics is incomprehensible; economics just doesn’t make any sense.
Sexy Timepiece
A man is sitting at a bar one night, wearing a fancy new watch, covered with buttons and lights and dials. The woman next to him says, �Wow, that’s a really fancy watch.� �Thanks, says the guy, �It’s the cutting edge of technology. I can telepathically ask this watch anything I want to know, and it’ll answer me, telepathically.� �Rubbish, you’re having me on,� says the girl. �No, it’s true,� says that guy. �Look, tell you what, I’ll prove it. I’ll ask it if you’ve got any panties on.� The guy scrunches up his eyes for a moment, as if concentrating hard to talk to his watch, then opens them and says, �Nope, it says you haven’t got any panties on.� �Well, it’s wrong,� says the girl, �I do have panties on.� �Damn,� says the guy, slapping his watch, �it’s an hour fast!�
Extreme
guess what
what
Blonde on duty
there’s this blonde,she works at a police station.{that right
there tells you something is bad}one day all the police men got
a stomach virus from a special cake that the blond
maked.So,later that day as her being the only one that could
actually go outside and fight bad guys,there was a criminal that
robbed a bank down the street.the people at the bank called in
and reported it ,then the chief told the blonde to go on duty
and try to catch the bad guys.so the blond had a choice,between
a rifle,a big big gun,and a bb gun,so as being a blonde,she
chose the bb gun,anyways,she got in her cop car and raced down
the street,she passed the bank up and went to the river bank,in
other words the park,but we say river bank.so she looked
around,and nothing seemed bad,so she keep looking.2 hours later
the cheif spots her on his lunch break down at the river bank,he
said to the blonde,”what are you doing?,the criminals got
away”she replied,”but you said to get on duty so I went to the
park and found some duty to get on,oh yeah,I think you need to
put more bb’s in the gun too!”
My donkey
what do you say when someone jumps on your donkey?
“get of my ass!”
The freezer
a gay guy comes home from work and takes a shower after his shower he goes to the freezer and opens it and finds his gay lover in the freezer.he says what the hell are you doing in the freezer.his lover said i thought you might want to slip into something cold after your shower….