What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
Author: admin
Jaimito escribe una carta a
Jaimito escribe una carta a los Reyes Magos:
“�Queridos Reyes Magos! Este a�o quiero un coche teledirigido…. �No, no, esto no vale!” Rompe la carta y empieza otra.
“�Queridos Reyes Magos! Este a�o he sido muy bueno, y quiero una bicicleta…..�No,no, esto tampoco vale!” la parte y empieza otra.
“�Queridos reyes magos! Este a�o he sido un ni�o muy, muy bueno y quiero una Playstation y… �Que no, que tampoco vale!”
Entonces va a la Iglesia, y coge del Portal de Bel�n al ni�o Jes�s y comienza una nueva carta: “Queridos Reyes Magos: Tengo al ni�o Jes�s en el bolsillo… A ver lo que haceis.
See Clearlie Now
This guy was married to a woman named Lorraine for over twenty
years. He was, however, having an affair with a very beautiful
woman, names Cleerlie.
After having a secret romance for a year, Cleerlie finally said,
“Look, if you are not going to leave your wife, I’m outta here.
I’ve given you enough time!”
The guy decides to tell his wife Lorraine that their marriage is
over. She has no idea there is any problem. He take her to her
favorite place, the beach, to break the news to her. They walk
out on the rocks, and are standing there when a huge wave goes
over Lorraine and take her out to sea.
The guy look out to the water and sings, “I can see Cleerlie now,
Lorraine is gone!”
Have Fun While Taking a Driving Test
1. Turn the radio on. When the tester goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.
2. Rev the car really high, turn to the tester, and say with an evil look, “Buckle up!”
3. Knock over every cone while doing maneuverability. In the middle of it, get out and check to see if you have hit every one.
4. Come dressed in a suit. Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a piece of plastic wrap down so he doesn’t dirty the seat.
5. When the examiner tells you to stop, step on the gas. Tell him/her that you thought it was the brake.
6. When the examiner tells you to stop, pop the hood clutch and say “Oops.”
7. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, “Now which one is the gas again?”
8. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil.
9. Fill your car with beer bottles.
10. The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs.
11. Tell the registar that you are taking the remedial test.
12. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.
13. Swear at everybody on the road.
14. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and forth between the person next to you and the light.
15. Beep your horn at everything.
16. Break off your rear-view mirror and then ask the examiner to hold it up.
Warning: If you wish to pass the test, refrain from doing more than two of these, and be sure to grin widely at the end.
The Eternal Question
If a man says something in the woods and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?
Only if he is silly enough to repeat what he just said!
my first fuck in the woods
Jemma is the best. The best out of all the people I know, the
best
of all the females i know, just simply the best.
We were on holiday, Janice, me and Jemma. We were out in our
small cosy caravan, one night when Janice was fast asleep in her
bed me and Jemma went outside into the woods to have some fun,
we thought it would be better outside incase Janice heard us and
disturbed us.
I rammed jemma hard up against a thick tree, i felt her lovely
soft, tender tits, and licked her wet pussy, she was as excited
as me. when i slowly moved up licking all her body, i shoved my
hard cock up her pussy, i could feel it was wet and warm inside,
i felt her pussy closing on my dick. it was a wonderful feeling.
i was still feeling her beautiful tits, even though they were
very small i still enjoyed every minuet of it. Then jemma pulled
away she walked off as if nothing had happened. i followed her
getting dressed as i walked.
As i said before Jemma is the best, the best i knew, the best
pet id ever had, the best dog EVER.
Guys Hanging
Q: What do you call two guys hanging on a wall by a window?
A: Kurt and Rod.
Upset With Driver’s License
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver’s License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Sexual Tension Quiz
Instructions: For each answer, you will have three clues. Try to determine what the object or thing is that is being described. For every correct answer you give, give yourself 2 points, for every incorrect answer deduct 2 points.
If you score less than 14 points, you are in need of more sex. If you score between 14 points and 21 points, you are in need of more love. If you score over 21 points, you are classed as having a great sex experience. Now please begin.
“CLUES”
1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes.
When I’m not well, I drip.
When you blow me, I feel good.
2. I’m spread before I’m eaten.
Your tongue gets me off.
People sometimes lick my nuts.
3. I assist an erection.
Sometimes big balls hang from me.
I’m called a big swinger.
4. Over 1,000 people went down on me.
I wasn’t maiden for long.
A big hard thing ripped me open.
5. You stick your poles inside me.
You tie me down to get me up.
I get wet before you do.
6. When I go in I cause pain.
I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow.
I can fill your hole.
7. A finger goes in me.
You fiddle with me when you’re bored.
The best man always has me first.
8. All day long, it’s in and out.
I discharge loads from my shaft.
Both men and women go down on me.
9. I go in hard.
I come out soft.
You blow me hard.
10. If I miss, I hit your bush.
It’s my job to stuff your box.
When I come, it’s news.
11. I offer Protection.
I get the finger ten times.
You use your fingers to get me off.
12. I have a stiff shaft.
My tip penetrates.
I come with a quiver.
13. My business is briefs.
I am a cunning linguist.
I plead and plead for it.
*******************************************************
Answers:
1. nose
2. peanut butter
3. crane
4. Titanic
5. tent
6. dentist
7. wedding ring
8. elevator
9. chewing gum
10. newspaper boy
11. glove
12. arrow
13. attorney
A Blonde’s tragedy
One day, a blonde’s neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened.
The blonde said that her mother had passed away.
The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left.
The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again.
She asked her why she was crying this time.
”I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too!”
Submitted By Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Un d�a llega Juanita, la
Un d�a llega Juanita, la prima de cinco a�os de Pepito, donde su pap� y le pregunta:
“Papi, papi, �que es pene?”
El pap� de Juanita se pone nervioso, pero le explica con enciclopedia y todo la anatom�a y funciones del pene, al final le pregunta a la ni�a:
“Juanita, �d�nde escuchaste esa palabra?”
La ni�a inocentemente le responde:
“En la iglesia, el padre nos dijo que ten�amos que orar mucho para que el alma no pene.”
Organ joke
Q: Why are organists like a broken-winded cab horse?A: They are always longing for another stop.