Yours Fun Portal !
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the
aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, I’ve got news for you.
“You’re going straight to hell!”
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, “Dammmmmn, I’m on
the wrong bus!”
Q: How has Clinton made his cabinet look more like America?A: Many of them have sixth grade reading levels.
your mamma so ugly, her parents had to feed her with a slingshot
A bloke goes into a pub in the middle of nowhere, needing to go
to the toilet. The barman directs him outside, where a rickety
old dunny is.
The man does his buisness, and is about to wipe his arse when he
sees that there is no toilet paper. However, there is a note
nailed to the wall, which reads- We are sorry about the lack of
toilet paper, we ask you to please wipe yourself with your
finger, then stick it through a hole in the wall, where it will
be cleaned.
The bloke dosen’t think much of this, but he decides to follow
the request. So he cleans himself with his finger, then sticks
it out of the hole. All of a sudden it is hit by a hammer. So he
pulls his finger in…… and sucks it.
Little Johnny comes home from school one day and asks his dad for help on his homework. “Sure I’ll help you Johnny what’s the assignment?”
“The teacher says that we need to have a good understanding of the U.S. government by class time tomorrow.”
“Oh, well here just look at it like this: your mother can represent the government, I’ll be Congress, the maid can be the working class, you can be the people, and your little baby brother will be the future.”
Johnny remains confused even with his fathers great analogy, and his father suggests that he sleep on it. So that night Johnny hears his little brother crying and discovers that he needs to be changed. So he goes into his mother’s room and finds her sleeping. Then he goes to the maids room, looks through the key hole and see’s his dad fucking the maid.
Out of ideas Johnny merely goes back to bed. And when his father asks him if he understands the government yet he says, “Yes.”
“Lets hear it,” says his father.
“Well,” says Johnny, “Congress is fucking the working class while the government remains sleeping, the people are being ignored and the futures full of shit.”
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.” The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn’t *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?” Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. “1,228,” he answered. “That’s right! You may enter.” St. Peter turned to the lawyer. “Name them.”
Why did O.J. Simpson go to Raleigh, N.C. in the Ford Bronco?
He knew that the police would never look there for a Heisman Trophy winner.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
In a loan company window:
“Now you can borrow enough money to get completely out of debt.”
A guy was invited to some old friends’ home for dinner.
His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
He was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy:
“I think it’s wonderful that after all the years you’ve been married, you still call your wife those pet names.”
His buddy hung his head. “To tell you the truth,” he said, “I forgot her name about ten years ago.”
Una viejita, viendo la televisi�n en la noche, comienza a oir ruidos en la azotea. Se asoma por la ventana y pregunta con voz temerosa:
“�Quien anda ah�?”
Y otra voz, en tono agresivo contesta: “�Tu chingada madre…!”
La viejita se queda pensativa un momento y vuelve a preguntar: “No… �ya en serio!”
THE TOP TEN REASONS TRICK-OR-TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX
10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy.
6. Person you’re with doesn’t fantasize you’re someone else.
5. If you get a stomach ache, it won’t last 9 months.
4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you’re kinky.
3. Doesn’t matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning.
and, the #1 reason trick or treating is better than sex…
1. IF YOU DON’T GET WHAT YOU WANT,YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!
A group of biologists got together in hopes of producing an untimate sport fish. The decided to cross-breed a coho salmon, a walleye pike and a musky. After years of experimenting they finally produced one egg which hatched a newly “invented” fish. “Success” they began yelling while congradulating each other. “Wait” one of the scientists statee> “What will we call this fish?” They all got together in at attempt to pool their minds and come up with a meaningful name. The lead person the the group stated, “let’s see, we had a coho, a walleye and a musky; we’ll take part of each of those names to come up with a name for this new breed”. He continued, “co” for coho, “wall” for walleye and “skI” for musky. “That’s it……..KOWALSKI”. He gently picked up the fish and palced it in an aquarium. Kowalski sunk to the bottom and drowned.