Q: Why is Chelsea Clinton a miracle child?A: Because lawyers use their personalities for birth control.
Author: admin
Derek is crying
freek freek freek freek fereyf
Nice Girl
A little girl is walking her dog, when a priest comes along and says, “Hello, little girl. What’s your name?”
She says, “Rosepetal.”
He says, “That’s a nice name.”
She says, “Yeah. When I was a little baby a rose petal fell on my head and my daddy’s called me Rosepetal ever since.”
The priest says, “That’s so nice. Is this your doggy?”
She says, “Yeah.”
The priest says, “What’s his name?”
She says, “Porky.”
He says, “Oh, I guess he likes to eat pork.”
She says, “No. He likes to fuck pigs.”
Just A Juggaloo
A man is driving home, when is pulled over by a patrolman for a broken blinker. The cop looks into the guys’ car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat. “Sir,” the cop says.”Why do you have all those knives?””They’re for my juggling act,” the man says.”I don’t believe you,” says the cop.”Prove it.”So the man gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives. At the same time, a car with two guys in it drives by.”Man,” says the first guy.”I’m glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard.”
President Clinton confounded critics
President Clinton confounded critics when his job approval rating went up to
69%. “It’s no secret why most Americans love him. He’s the only person on TV
who’s not talking about Monica Lewis.”
I’d rather sit
Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner. One says to the other, “Jeez, I’d really like to dance with that girl.”
The other replies, “Well go ahead and ask her, don’t be a chicken shit.”
So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, “Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me.” Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, “I’m sorry. Right now I’m concentrating on matrimony and I’d rather sit than dance.”
So the man humbly returns to his friend. “So what did she say?” he asks.
“She said she’s constipated on macaroni and would rather shit in her pants.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
Yo momma so ugly…..
yo momma so poor she went to kfc licking other peoples fingers.
Tilit hurts
there was a girl named suzie likes
and she lives in a town called tilit hurts
in a pub called the cockwell inn
her address, suzie likes
the cockwell inn
tilit hurts
How do you confuse a stupid person?
Purple.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Llama!Llama who?Llama Yankee
Knock KnockWho’s there?Llama!Llama who?Llama Yankee Doodle Dandy…!
The Guy from Jurass
There once was a man from Jurass,
Who’s balls were made out of brass,
He banged them together,
It played stormy weather,
And lighting shot out of his ass!
Unconcerned Widow
An old man and woman were married for years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most: “When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!”The neightbors believed he practiced black magic and was responsible for missing cats and dogs and strange sounds at all hours. He was feared and enjoyed it. Then the man died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors approached in a group to ask if she wasn’t worried about this man who practiced black magic and swore he would dig his out of the grave to come back and haunt her for the rest of her life?The wife put down her drink and said, “Let the old guy dig. I had him buried upside down.”