What have an apple and an orange got in common?
Neither of them can drive a tractor!
Author: admin
Never call a man a
Never call a man a fool; borrow from him.
Password
I was working in a wall street investment bank when someone from the information technology group came by our office asking us to enter our passwords in the new software system.
My colleague Barry, with his usual rebellious attitude, entered the password “Penis.”
We all fell on the floor with laugher when the computer replied:
*** PASSWORD REJECTED. TOO SHORT *****
I love you
How to say…..”I Love You”
in Different Languages
English………I Love You
Spanish……..Te Amo
French………Je T’aime
German……..Ich Liebe Dich
Japanese……Ai Shite Imasu
Italian………..Ti Amo
Chinese……..Wo Ai Ni
Swedish…….Jag Alskar Dig
Eskimo………Nagligivaget
Greek………..S’Agapo
Hawaiian…….Aloha Wau la Oe
Irish………….Thaim In Grabh Leat
Hebrew………Ani Ohev Otakh
Russian……..Ya Lyublyu Tyebya
Albanian…….Une Te Dua
Finnish………Mina Rakkastan Sinua
Turkish………Seni Seviyorum
Hungarian….Se Ret Lay
Persian……..Du Stet Daram
Maltese……..ien Inhobbok
Catalan……..Testimo Molt
Redneck ……Nice Tits
Artificial intelligence
What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?
Artificial intelligence.
Jim and Bob Dragging Their Legs
Jim and Bob were walking down the street. Bob was dragging his
left leg, and Jim his right. Jim asks, “What happend to you?”
Bob says, “Vietnam, 1969, and you?” Jim says, “Dog shit, 2
Blocks back!”
Alphabet
What letter of the alphabet always askes a question?
A: the letter y {why?]
Quarter
A guy walks into a bar and says to bartender give four shots of your best scotch right now. The bartender pours them up and sets them in front of the man. The man slams back all four of them one right after the other.
Bartender says “man you must be in a hurry ”
The man says ” you would be to if you had only twenty-five cents.”
Never Mess With Bikers
There once was a man name Joe. He walked into a bar to find a
biker beating on a man witha book. Joe said he would call the
cops if he didn’t go. The biker left and helped the man getting
beaten on then found out he was gay. The week after at night he
heard the door rign. Who would be calling at this hour of night.
Joe walked down and opened the door to find the biker dressed up
in panty hose and other things for sex. So Joe then found out
the man with the book had been his boyfriend and had dumped the
biker. The biker forced Joe to go have *** with him. So Joe did
as he was told. That showed Joe never to mess with bikers.
Joke Info
A security man has a dream that the plane his boss is supposed to take the
next day is going to crash. When he wakes up he calls his boss at home and tells
him. Insanely enough, the boss listens to him and decides not to take the plane.
The next day, according to the young man’s words, the plane crashes. The
relieved boss calls the young man to his office and gives him a reward — and
then fires him. Curious as to why he is fired, the man asks his boss. The boss
replies, �You were sleeping on the job.�
Apology Form
Dear
a) Mom,
b) Dad,
c) Love of my life,
d) Assistant Principal,
e) Local Police Chief,
Words cannot begin to express how sorry I am that your
a) Car
b) House
c) Pet
d) Mother-in-law
e) Left arm
was severely damaged by my
a) infantile
b) puerile
c) inept
d) comically brilliant but nonetheless sadistic
e) woefully under appreciated
prank.
How could I have known that the
a) car
b) jet ski
c) large helium balloon
d) Patriot missile
e) Zamboni
I was riding in would go so far out of control? And while it is
true that I should not have pointed it in the direction of your
a) house
b) wife
c) Cub Scout troop
d) 1/16th sized replica of the Statue of Liberty, complete
with lightbulb in the torch
e) priceless collection of Rolling Rock beer cans
You must understand that it was all meant in fun. The subsequent
carnage that I caused is beyond my ability to
a) imagine
b) fathom
c) comprehend
d) appreciate
e) pay for
and I must therefore humbly ask your forgiveness. I know
that you are perfectly within your rights to
a) hate me
b) sue me
c) spank me
d) take my firstborn
e) gouge out my eyes with spoons and feed them to the
fish in your koi pond
but I ask you to remember all the good times we’ve had,
joshing around at
a) school
b) work
c) church
d) the bowling alley
e) the municipal jail
and to remember that I am first and foremost your
a) friend
b) child
c) sibling
d) lease co-signer
e) only possible match should you ever need a
bone marrow transplant.
I think that counts for more than one prank, especially one that
a) was so stupid
b) was so silly
c) would have been funny if it worked
d) you would have done, if you had thought of it first
e) I’m going to use again on someone else.
Sincerely,
(your name here)
—————-
Kiss Me Where it Smell
There was a promiscuous young couple making out in the back seat of a car. Temperatures were rising and things were getting pretty intense, and finally the girl gasped, “Oh darling, darling, kiss me where it smells.”So he drove her to the local sewerage plant.