Yo mama is so fat she sweats barbeque sauce.
Author: admin
Blonde In a Potato Sack
A blonde, brunette, and a red head were driving in a car and ran a stop sign. A police officer seen them and immediately started chasing them. The girls ran from the police and when they got a long wayz away from the police they saw 3 potato sacks on the side of the road. They all got out and each got in a potato sack. When the cops came and they seen the empty car and the three potato sacks, they went over and kicked each one. The first one they kicked was the brunette and she said ruff ruff. The cops thought it was a bag of puppies and went to the next bag. This was the red head and when they kicked this one she said meow. They thought it was just a bag of kittens and went to the next bag. This was the blonde and when they kicked the bag she said potato!!!
Check’s in the Mail
Back in the unhappy days when Czechoslovakia was under Soviet domination, a valiant freedom fighter was wandering through the countryside, trying to evade a Soviet agent, who was in hot pursuit, found himself near an old castle, and went inside for refuge.
Soon he found that the Soviet agent had followed him into the castle so our hero slipped into the nearest hiding-place, which was a medieval armor. He remained there, very still, until the Soviet gave up in disgust, and left him free to continue working for the liberation of his native land.
Why didn’t the Soviet agent think to look inside the armor?
“Very simple,… As a well-trained Marxist, he would never consider any capitalistic lie as that there was a Czech in the mail.”
if sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come…
if sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it ?
Seven Dwarfs
The seven dwarfs got on the bus.They talked for a while, and got
bored. About 20 minutes into the journey, they started feeling
sleepy.
So he got off.
Why fake orgasms?
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because men fake foreplay.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Female Reindeer
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, every single one of them – from Rudolph to Blitzen – had to be a girl.
We should’ve known. Only women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
ADIDAS
A woman is picked up by Dennis Rodman in a bar. They like each other and she
goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his
tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, “Reebok.” She thinks
that is a bit odd and asks him about it.
Dennis says, “When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and
Reebok pays me for advertisement.” A bit later, his pants are off and she sees
“Puma” tattooed on his leg.
He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear
comes off and she sees the word “AIDS” tattooed on his penis. She jumps back
with shock.
“I’m not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!” exclaims the woman.
Dennis Rodman replies, “It’s cool baby. In a minute it’s going to say
‘ADIDAS.'”
The Asylum Loonies..
One night in the bar, the owner is lamenting the fact that business is so quiet on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays.As he moans to some of the regulars a stranger, dressed in a tweed jacket and wearing glasses wanders over and says, “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation. I’m a doctor at the lunatic asylum up the road and I’m trying to integrate some of the more sane individuals into the community. Why don’t I bring some of my patients along, say next Tuesday. You’ll have some customers and my patients will have a night out.”Well, the publican isn’t sure but the thought of more paying customers on a quiet night appeals, so he agrees.So, the following Tuesday the guy in the tweed jacket and glasses shows up with about ten lunatics.He says to the publican, “They might try to pay for their drinks in unusual ways, please just accept whatever they give you, put it all on a tab and I’ll settle up at closing time.”The barman has a great time selling loads of drinks and encouraging the loonies to eat chips and peanuts. The loonies have a great time, getting drunk and paying for their drinks with empty Coke cans, banana peels, used tea bags and plastic shopping bags.At closing time the barman adds up the bill and it comes to just over two hundred dollars! The guy with the glasses and the tweed jacket starts to organize the loonies ready to take them back to the asylum. Finally he comes over and asks for the bill. The publican, feeling that he’s charged them rather a lot and feeling he should do his bit to help these poor unfortunate people gives him a discount.”Let’s call It $150,” he says.The guy in the tweed jacket smiles and says, “That’s fine. Have you got change for a garbage can?”
ANT jOKES! :)
WHAT DO ANTS TAKE WHEN THEY NEED MEDICINE?
ANTIBIOTICS!
You might be a redneck if… Chrisman
You might be a redneck if… Chrisman
You’ve ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.
Two Engineers
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”