Author: admin

Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole as their older sister is getting it on with her new boyfriend.They hear her say, “Oh, Jim, you’re going where no man has gone before!”The six-year-old says to his brother, “He must be fucking her up the ass!”

After a very successful career, a former Human Relations guru found herself at
the pearly gates.

“Welcome to Heaven,” said St.Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it
seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had a Human
Resources Director make it this far, and we’re not really sure what to do with
you, so what we’re going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven
and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in.”

With that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and went down to hell.
The doors opened, and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a
beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club, and standing in front
of her were all her friends – fellow executives that she had worked with – and
they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up, kissed
her and talked about old times.

They played an excellent round of golf, and at night went to the country club,
where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil, who
was

actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes
and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was
time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and

waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates, and she found St.
Peter waiting for her. “Now it’s time to spend a day in heaven,” he said. So she
spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and
singing. She had a great time, and before she knew it, her 24 hours were up and
St. Peter came and got her and asked her to choose.

The woman paused for a second and then replied, “Well, I never thought I’d say
this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better
time in Hell.” So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went
down-down-down back to Hell.

When the doors of the elevator opened, she found herself standing in a
desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were
dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The
Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.

“I don’t understand,” stammered the woman, “yesterday I was here and there was
a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a
great time. Now, all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look
miserable.”

The Devil looked at her and smiled. “Yesterday, we were recruiting you, today
you’re staff.”

A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night.

The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.

Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked,
“What are those for?”

The elderly gentleman replied, “There are just two things I can’t stand…
“the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber!”