Q:How do you starve a black person?
A:you hide their food stamps underneath their work boots.
Author: admin
Australian Kiss
Q. Do you know what an Australian kiss is?
A. It’s like a French kiss, but down under.
Satisfaction
There was an older man who’d married a younger woman. All was going well…
except in the bedroom. He couldn’t last long enough to satisfy her. She said it
didn’t matter but he knew it was getting her down. So he went to the doctor and
asked for help.
The doctor recommended that he satisfy himself before they have sex — that
way, he’d last longer. The next day, the man planned on ravishing his wife when
he came home, and decided to please himself on the way. So he pulled over onto a
quiet road. But he couldn’t just sit there in his car having a wank, so he
decided to lie under the car and pretend that he was fixing he car. He crawled
under the car, closed his eyes, imagined his wife naked, and started wanking.
After a while he felt something tugging at his jeans.
“Sir, this is the police. Would you mind telling us what you’re doing?”
Not wanting to lose this wonderful image of his wife he kept his eyes closed.
“I’m just fixing the axle of my car, officer.”
“Well, while you’re down there you’d better check the brakes. Your car has
crashed into a tree half a mile down the road!”
Da Bears
Why is Chicago called the Windy City?
Because the Bears blow!
Blonde Brain cells
What do you call a blonde with one braincell?Answer: LuckyWhat do you call a blonde with two braincells?Answer: PregnantSubmitted by: Bertha
Nat King Cole
Nat King Cole was a merry ole sole.
A merry ole sole was he. Chew off his tit,
ate his own shit,
and washed it down with some pee.
The kitchen
What is the funniest thing in the kitchen?
A. The washing machine that takes the piss out of your pants
Wal-Mart in China
Wal-Mart says they plan to open 90 stores in China by the end of next year.
90 stores! Well, that makes sense.
I guess they figure they might as well open stores in China. That’s where all the stuff is made.
– Jay Leno
Mississippi
A bus stops and two Italian men get on.
They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time.”
“You foul-mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”
“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talking abouta sexa? Imma justa tellun my frienda how to spella “Mississippi”!
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by BreeBrown
Three blondes
what do you call three blondes under a christmas tree?…ho ho ho
The severity of the itch
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
You think a strip joint
You think a strip joint is where they disassemble cars.You are in 6 grade and the only one in your family that can write your name.You’ve ever been stuck in your own driveway.