Author: admin

Choosing the right condom

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At a mad night out a man and woman decided that they were going
2to make love for the first time. As the man was so excited he
ran out to the nearest pub to buy a condom. When he got there he
went to the machine, there was a flavoured condom for $1, a
colored condom for $2 and a metal condom for $3.

As the man only had $2 on him he bought a colouerd condom and
took it back to his girlfriend. The couple made love but the
condom split and he woman became pregnant.

Well after nine months the woman gave birth but to 2 blue baby
boy. The couple were very happy about this although it was a bit
strange. Well, the little boy grew up and one day the little boy
went up to his dad and said “dad why am i blue, i get bullied
for being different” and his dad turned around and said ” you
better shut up. For $1 extra you could of been Robo Cop!”

Satan comes for a visit

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Picture it: rural area, Sunday morning, church is packed. The
devil decides to pay a visit. The doors burst open, and a
roiling black cloud rolls in with the devil in its midst. People
jump out of the pews and run outdoors, screaming – all except
for two. One is the Pastor, the other is an elderly farmer.

Satan is a bit perplexed. He points to the Pastor and says,
“You! I can understand why you didn’t run away, you are in your
Lord’s house, you preach against me everyday and you aren’t
afraid of me. But YOU (points to the farmer), why didn’t you run
out scared like everyone else?”

The farmer crosses one leg over the other and drawls, “Why, I’m
surprised you don’t recognize me…I’ve been married to your
sister for 36 years!”

Alabama License Application

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Last name: _________________
First name:
(Check appropriate box)
[_] billy bob [_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe [_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray [_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue [_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae [_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack [_] Bobby-Beth Ann Sue

Age: ______ (if unsure, guess)

Sex: _____M_____F_____Not sure

Shoe Size: _____Left_____Right

Occupation:
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser [_] Waitress
[_] Unemployed [_] Dirty Politician

Spouse’s Name_________________________
2nd Spouse’s Name: _________________
3rd Spouse’s Name: _________________

Lover’s Name: ________________________
2nd Lover’s Name: ___________________

Relationship to spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother [_] Uncle
[_] Mother [_] Son
[_] Father [_] Daughter
[_] Cousin [_] Pet

Number of children living in household: _____
Number of children living in shed: _____
Number that are yours: _____

Mother’s Name: ___________________
Father’s Name: ___________________ (If not sure, leave blank)

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?
___ Total number of vehicles that you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Where your firearms are kept:
[_] truck [_] kitchen
[_] bedroom [_] bathroom
[_] shed

Model and year of your pickup: _______ 194_

Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; if no, please explain:
_____________________

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] National Enquirer [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Rifle and Shotgun

___ Number of times you’ve seen a UFO
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis
___ Number of times you’ve seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not applicable

Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black
[_] N/A
How many?_____

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: [_] Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 200-400 miles
[_] over 400 miles
[_] what’s a miles?

Gulf War Remembered!

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Q. What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common ?
A. Nothing, yet.

Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving ?
A: Turkey.

Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common ?
A: They both have Kurds in their Whey.

Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common ?
A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from !

Q: What is the best Iraqi job ?
A: Foreign Ambassador

Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
A: None. They can’t turn them on anyway.

Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb ?
A: Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting, and at a cost of US $8,000,000.

Q: “How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?”
A: “We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time.”

Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?
A: You only have to teach them to take off.

Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo ?
A: B-52…F-16…A-10

Q: What is Iraq’s national bird ?
A: Duck

Q: What’s the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile ?
A: Aeroflot has killed more people.

Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone ?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats ?
A: So they can see their Air Force.

Q: Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss ?
A: He elected to receive.

Q: Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper?
A: They need a map….