Author: admin

Una mujer mayor estando internada en un hospital tiene una experiencia extra corporal y se encuentra con Dios al que le pregunta:

“�Se�or, he muerto acaso?”

“No, hija, vuelve a la tierra que te quedan treinta a�os m�s de vida”.

La mujer despierta y piensa que aprovechando que ya estaba en un hospital, ten�a dinero y muchos a�os por delante decide hacerse todo tipo de cirug�as est�ticas: lipoescultura, tratamiento de varices, se quita las manchas y las estr�as con l�ser, se estira la cara, se opera senos, piernas, gl�teos y todo lo dem�s hasta verse con al menos veinte a�os menos. Al salir del hospital, luciendo m�s joven, la atropella una ambulancia y ahora si que se muere. Cuando se vuelve a encontrar con Dios le reclama:

“�Qu� pas�? �No dijiste que vivir�a treinta a�os m�s?”

“�S�, pero, te juro que no te reconoc�!”

Many years ago when I was 23
I got married to a widow who
was as pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father’s wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow’s grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father’s wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter’s son.

My wife is now my mother’s mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She’s my grandmother too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!

This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi.

As they “oohed and aahed” the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

“It’s free,” Peter replied, “this is Heaven.”

Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth.

The old man asked, “what are the green fees?”.

Peter’s reply, “This is heaven, you play for free.”

Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine’s of the world laid out. “How much to eat?” asked the old man.

“Don’t you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!” Peter replied with some exasperation.

“Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?” the old man asked timidly.

Peter lectured, “That’s the best part…you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven.”

With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.

The old man looked at his wife and said, “This is all your fault. If it weren’t for your bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!”