Yours Fun Portal !
A Huey Cobra practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise had a problem and landed on the tail rotor, separating the tailboom. Fortunately, it wound up on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s in a brilliant shower of sparks.
As the Cobra passed the tower, the following exchange was overheard:
Tower: “Sir, do you need any assistance?”
Cobra: “I don’t know, tower. We aren’t done crashing yet!”
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.
The second Catholic woman chirps, “My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Your Grace’.”
The third Catholic woman says smugly, “My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Your Eminence’.”
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.
The first three women give her this subtle “Well…?”
She replies, “My son is a gorgeous, 6’2″, hard-bodied stripper………… Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘Oh my God…’.”
Greetings prospective White House interns!
This year, our program is heading into its 69th year of bringing America’s
best and brightest to the Nation’s Capitol to help the “Head Man” do his job. We
expect this year will be the most exciting one yet!
Why, you might be asking yourself, do I want to be a part of this demanding,
yet rewarding program?
Check this out:
* be a part of the action in the pulsing, throbbing political scene of the
hottest city in the world!
* Get up close and personal with some of America’s movers and shakers!
* See rooms in the White House that even a VIP tour won’t show you!
* Get total access to plenty of sensitive Presidential activities!
Sound like it’s for you? Just listen to this testimonial from a former
intern:
“I couldn’t believe it! After only a few months on the job answering
phones and fetching coffee, there I was, debriefing the president. … Getting
involved in executive branch affairs is just fantastic.” – M. Lewinsky, Beverly
Hills, Calif.
As you can see, being a White House intern is more than long hours, hot
debates, and touchy national issues.
Still interested?
Fill out this information form and send it back to the White House at
[email protected]
Name: Hometown:
Sex: F__ Age:
Measurements: (required for medical purposes)
How many beers it takes to get you… …Giggly: …Drunk: …Hot: …To lie
to a federal prosecutor:
Quick quiz: You’ve always considered the White House:
a) a monument to democracy
b) the place where great leaders meet
c) vaguely erotic
d) extremely erotic
Hillary Clinton is a (n):
a) model wife and mother
b) icon of late 20th century femininity
c) an obstacle
d) inappropriate companion for the leader of the free world
You’ve always wanted to know more about the President’s:
a) MidEast policies
b) childhood in Hope, Ark
c) romper room
d) “monument to democracy”
My social life as an intern would likely consist of:
a) hitting Georgetown bars with the other interns
b) reading, studying
c) late nights working at the White House
d) late nights working the White House
Score 1 point for each a, 2 for each b, 3 for each c, 4 for each d.
Scores of 16 can start tomorrow.
Scores of 12 and above, please call soon.
Uncle Sam (and Uncle Bill) wants you.
*Please feel free to tell anyone you know who might be interested in this
program.
The White House is an equal opportunity abuser.
A new jail warden was being shown through the jailhouse by the old warden.
Soon, after making rounds around the rest of the jail, they get to the cafeteria. In one corner, he sees a group of elderly men laughing hysterically.
Interested, he watches them while the older warden gets his food. One of the men shouts out “63!” and the entire table bursts out laughing. The new warden is totally baffled by the behavior of them. “74!”, again a chorus of guffaws ring out.
The old warden comes back to the table where the new warden sits staring, and the new warden asks “What are those elderly men doing.”
The old warden smirks, and says, “Oh, those are the life timers. They’ve been in here so long, they just number their jokes.”
Meanwhile another one calls out “2!”. Nobody laughs.
The new warden leans over and asks, “What happened?” To this the warden replied, “Oh, he blew the delivery.”
what do you call a full beer bottel of beer a full glass of beer
Your mama’s pussy so dry even the crabs carry a canteen.
A man walks into bar, sits on a nearby stool and ganders at a large jug of money. Upon pondering, he asks the bartender, “How much money is in there?”
The bartender, with a gentle smile replied, “26,000,000..”
The man jumped up with his eyes about ready to emerge from their sockets. He asked, “So is it for the poor? Or is it lika a charity?”
The bartender shook his head.”No no no! That money is for the first person to complete three tasks.”
A little curious, the man said, “Is that so? Well, I’m sure I could get them done, so what are they?”
Grinning slightly, the bartender replied, “First task: You must chug down a 5 gallon bucket of beer. Second task: You must pull a rotten tooth from a wolf with rabies. Then for your final task, you must have sex with a 100 year old grandmother located upstairs.”
The man gulped a little, but replied, “Well, that still sounds like a deal!”
The man chugged down the 5 gallon bucket of beer. Woozy, he told the bartender to take him out to the wolf with rabies. “Leave me here! This could get rough,” the man said in a fluury of slurred words, as the bartender let him go and walked back in to tend to the custumers.
Minutes later he heard the wolf yelping and crying out. “Man, he must really have a thing with animals. He’s probably pulled that tooth right out.”
The bartender looked up in wonder as the man stumbled through the door and yelled in a drunken voice, “Now where’s that old lady with the rotten tooth?”
12> “Thank you for calling Epson. All operators are currently helping other customers. You have been on hold for approximately… one… thousand… years….”
11> “Senator Thurmond, your wife is on line 3.”
10> “Another Christmas like this, and Amazon.com just may turn a profit!”
9> “Chris White, you have been defrosted to stand judgement for the recently discovered document known as ‘The Rejected Hurricane Name List’.”
8> “I found it on the Galactinet — I think it’s a picture of how humans used to reproduce.”
7> “Hi, I’m Dick Clark, here to count you down into the new millennium!”
6> “I did *not* have cybersex with that netbot.”
5> “Okay, I’ll go over it one more time: It doesn’t really start until January 1, *3001* because…”
4> “Middle East peace talks have been put on hold once again…”
3> “25,000 zelgers, same as on Mars.”
2> “We at NASA cannot be discouraged by this recent failure, and we are fully confident that our next manned mission to Mars will be a complete success.”
1> “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of Microsoft…”
Q: How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?A: There is nothing to change.
A young man was staying on a farm with his uncle and aunt for the summer. One morning the aunt and uncle walked in the kitchen and the young man was drinking an extremely large glass of milk.The young man said “I took the liberty of milking your cow this morning!” He then continues and says ” it took me a while to get her started up. She must be old and stubbly.”The uncle says with a confused look ” Um son we don’t have a cow…We have a bull!”
Q. What do you call two skunks having a 69?
A. Odor Eaters
A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people.