An anxious woman goes to her doctor.
“Doctor,” she asks nervously, “can you get pregnant from anal sex?”
“Certainly,” replies the doctor, “Where do you think lawyers come from!”
Author: admin
Can My Dog Stay at Your Hotel?
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.
He wrote:”I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?”
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, “I’ve been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I’ve never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I’ve never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I’ve never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you’re welcome to stay here, too.”
Top 25 Classic Country Songs
25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye.
24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Were Pure.
23. How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?
22. I Don’t Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.
21. I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don’t Run So I Figure We’re Even.
20. I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You.
19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.
18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim’s Gettin’ Better.
17. I Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win.
16. I’ll Marry You Tomorrow But Let’s Honeymoon Tonight.
15. I’m So Miserable Without You, It’s Like Having You Here
14. I’ve Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin’ On My Back and Cryin’ Over You.
13. If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.
12. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I’d Be Out By Now.
11. Mama Get A Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head).
10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don’t Love You.
9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him.
8. Please Bypass This Heart.
7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.
6. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat.
5. You’re The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.
4. If the Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s Me.
3. She’s Actin’ Single and I’m Drinkin’ Doubles.
2. She’s Looking Better After Every Beer.
1. I Haven’t Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women But I’ve Sure Woke Up With A Few
Knock Knock 103
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Joan!
Joan who!
Joan you remember me?!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Joan!
Joan who!
Joan call us we’ll call you!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Joanna!
Joanna who!
Joanna big kiss!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Joanne!
Joanne who!
Joanne tell!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Joe Namath!
Joe Namath who!
Joe Namath not on the door thats why I knocked!
Roach
Knock-knock.
Who’s there?
Roach.
Roach who?
Roach you a letter-did you get it?
Rush Limbaugh
Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road.
Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer. They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed hours. When he came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his employee had been there so long.
“Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses,” explained the driver.
“What did you tell the farmer?” Limbaugh asked.
The chauffeur replied, “I told him that I was Rush Limbaugh’s driver and I’d just killed the pig.
Dirty Paddy
An Irish wife was having a shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards, she slipped over and did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.She yelled out for her husband. ‘Paddy! Paddy!’ she yelled.Paddy came running in. ‘Paddy I’ve suctioned myself to the floor,’ she said.’Ohhh nooo! Paddy said and tried to pull her up. ‘You’re just too heavy, love. I’ll go across the road and get Shamus.’Paddy comes back with Shamus and they both tried to pull her up. ‘Nope, I can’t do it,’ Shamus said, ‘Let’s try plan C.”Plan C?’ exclaimed Paddy. ‘What’s that?”I’ll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we will break the tiles under her.”Oh okay,’ Paddy said. ‘While you’re doing that I’ll stay here and play with her tits.”Play with her tits?’ Shamus said. ‘Why would you do that? This is hardly the time.’Paddy replied, ‘Well, I figure if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren’t so expensive to replace.’
The Funniest Joke in the World
This is the funniest joke in the world you ready….here goes…
There were these six men…they were in an airplane…oh man, I forgot the punchline…but your Momma is a whore
Untitled joke
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One to turn it in and four to form a support group and blame the whole thing on men in the first place.
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They…
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage
in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their
conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears
one of the men say the following:
“Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come
again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice.
Den I come one-a more.”
“You foul-mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this
country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!.”
“Hey, coola-downa lady”, said the man. “Imma justa teachin’ my fren’
howa to spella Mississippi.”
Morticians
Three morticians were having a few drinks one night and started discussing their hardest cases. The first said I believe I had the hardest. I had a young man that ran into a tree, it took a week before I could show him.
The second smiled, “That’s nothing” he said. I had this couple that hit a train. It took two weeks before I could show them.
The third grinned and said “You two didn’t have anything, I had a woman who jumped off a ten story building. She landed on a fire hydrant. It took me three weeks to get the smile off her face.
Beautiful
The teacher says, “Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence.
Today’s word is “beautiful”. Little Sally, would you please come up here and use “beautiful” in a sentence?”
Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, “Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world.”
Teacher says, “Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn.”
Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, “Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen.”
Teacher says, “Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it’s your turn.”
Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, “Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said…
‘Beautiful, just fuckin’BEAUTIFUL!'”
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis