Author: admin

One day, a family of a mother and two boys, Timmy and Tommy, were riding in their car on the way to church.

Timmy leaned over, smacked Tommy across the head, and Tommy yelled out “Ouch you f*cking wanker!”

Later that day in church, the mom went to talk to the priest. she said “Father, my boys just won’t stop swearing and I don’t know what to do.”

The priest says “Well, have you tried smacking them?”

She said “No, doesn’t the church look down on that?”

The priest says “Well, yes, but in some cases we’ll make an exception.”

The next day, the two boys come down for breakfast and she asks Tommy what he wants for breakfast.

Tommy says “Well, gimme some f*cking waffles.”

The mom backhands Tommy so hard, he flies out of his chair and lands against the door.

Shocked and terrified by this, Timmy becomes very quiet. His mother asks him what he wants for breakfast, and his reply was, “Well you can bet your sweet ass I don’t want no f*cking waffles!”

There was a group of retarded kids that were having a tough time getting through life… Group home, no one to love them.

One day a music teacher happened through and wondered if music might cheer the kids up. It worked! A few of them were musically inclined, and the rest hummed along… The teacher kept coming back and working with the kids. They were improving, so one day she stopped at the store and bought a big bag of apples and some Coca-Cola as a treat to the kids. That day, the kids sang like never before, and the teacher attributed it to the apples and Coke. Every time she came back and brought apples and Cokes the kids were singing like songbirds, and really improving musically…

The music teacher started coming every day, bringing a big load of apples and cases of Coke, and lo and behold, what a choir. The downside of eating a lots of apples and drinking Coke was the kids were getting rather obese…So she decided to keep up with the apples, but changed their beverage to Tab diet cola…

The rest is history, for I think everyone’s heard of The Moron Tab andn Apple Choir.

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just
rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the
hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to
pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around
and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”

“Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”