Yo mama’s so fat, when she got liposuction, she drowned the
doctor.
Yo mama’s so slutty, there is a street sign pointing to her
bedroom.
Author: admin
“Why do you say that?”
I don’t think my mom knows much about children.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because she always puts me to bed when I am wide awake and gets me up when I
am sleepy.”
If Men Rewrote The Rules.
Rule # 1 – Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.
Rule # 2 – If you don’t want to dress like Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
Rule # 3 – If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.
Rule # 4 – It is in neither your best interest or ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.
Rule # 5 – Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women how can we know how pretty you are?
Rule # 6 – Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
Rule # 7 – You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done – not both.
Rule # 8 – Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Rule # 9 – Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions and neither do we.
Rule # 10 – Women who wear Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
Rule # 11 – When we’re turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, you saying “This is our exit” is not necessary.
Rule # 12 – Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
On February 3, 1990, a
On February 3, 1990, a Renton (Seattle area) man tried to commit a
robbery. This was probably his first attempt, as suggested by his
lack of a record of violent crime, and by his terminally stupid
choice:
- The target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gunshop;
- The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial
fraction of the adult population is licensed to carry concealed
handguns in public places; - To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked King County
Police patrol car parked at the front door; - An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having
coffee before reporting to duty.
Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup and
fired a few wild shots.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, removing him from the
gene pool.
Several other customers also drew their guns, but didn’t fire. No one
else was hurt.
Noah’s
Noah’s wife.
Question and answer blonde joke
Q: Why don’t blondes call 911 in an emergency?A: They can’t remember the number.
Satisfied Redhead
How do you know when you’ve satisfied a redhead?She unties you.
At the blood donor clinic
A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.
Man: “What are you doing here today?”
Woman: “Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re going to give me $5 for it.”
Man: “Hmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.”
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.
Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.
Man: “Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?”
Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] “Unh unh.”
Comfortable
Ole and Lena’s bull took sick and died, so they needed to go to the auction to buy a new one. Ole had to get the crops in and couldn’t leave the farm, so Lena took the train to the city to buy a bull. If she was successful, she would take the train back to the farm, then she and Ole would go to town with the truck to pick up their newly purchased bull.
The bidding was furious at the livestock auction, and Lena found herself bidding on the last remaining bull. It took everything she had but ten cents, but she was finally the successful bidder.
Unfortunately, the train home was fifty cents. “Please, Mr. Conductor, couldn’t you make an exception just once?” pleaded Lena. “Sorry lady,” he replied, “but you can send your husband a telegram to tell him your problem. The office is just down the street.”
At the Telegraph office, Lena asked, “Mister, how many vords can I send to my husband for a dime?” “It’s ten cents a word,” the clerk answered. Lena pondered her dilemma, then finally said, “OK, here’s da message: “COMFORTABLE”.
Una vez contrataron a una
Una vez contrataron a una cuadrilla de trabajadores en Tontilndia para pintar la l�nea blanca en la autopista de cuatro carriles. El primer d�a rindieron 10 Km., el segundo d�a 5 Km., el tercero 3Km., el cuarto 1Km. Entonces el encargado de la obra no aguant� m�s y les pregunt�:
“�Qu� es lo que est� pasando?, hab�an empezado muy bi�n y bajaron much�simo su rendimiento.”
“�Pues claro! �Cada d�a nos queda m�s lejos el bote de pintura.”
Dinner with Bill and Hillary
Bill and Hillary Clinton went out to dinner and when the waiter came to take their order, he asked Hillary how she wanted her steak, she replied, “medium.”
Then the waiter said, “how about your vegetable?” Hillary replied, “Oh, he can order for himself.”
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Titantic Coffee
Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
A: Sanka.
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