Two pretzels walk into a dark alley… one was a salted.
Author: admin
The General & the Private
A general and a private are going to a city. At the next stop, a lady and her teenage daughter get on and sit down in the same cabin as the general and the private.
They ride along and they get to a tunnel. The cabin is completely dark. This is what is heard: a kiss and then a slap.
The mother thinks: That rude private kissed my daughter, but she showed him.
The daughter thinks: That old nasty general kissed me, but my mother slapped him.
The general thinks: Sombody hit me.
The private thinks: I am pretty smart. I kiss the girl, and got to slap the general.
How is a blonde like a hardware store?
10 cents a screw.
10 REASONS IT’S GREAT TO BE A GUY!
1) When clicking through the channels, you don’t have to stall at every shot
of somebody crying.
2) Your butt is never a factor in job interviews.
3) All your orgasms are real.
4) A beer gut doesn’t make you invisible to the opposite sex.
5) Guy in hockey masks doesn�t attack you (unless you smash ’em into the
boards).
6) You don’t have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
7) You understand why Stripes is funny.
8) You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
9) Your last name stays put.
10) You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
Hilary Clinton’s new name
What’s Hilary Clinton’s new name.
Sharyn Dick.
Death of the Energizer Bunny
Today, the world was stunned by the news of the death of the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old. Authorities believe that the death occurred approximately 8:42 last evening. Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going, and going, and going, “Pinkie”, as he was known to his friends and family, was alone at the time of his death. An emergency autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief Medical Examiner, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone had put the bunny’s batteries in backwards and he kept coming, and coming, and coming …
A quote on marriage
When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
Gone With The Schwinn
What do a bicycle, chicken, and frog have in common?
They all have handlebars! Except for the frog and chicken
After The Crash
A blonde, a brunette, and a man are driving in their pick-up truck.
The brunette was sitting up front with the man and the blonde was in the back.
While driving across a bridge the man lost control of the truck and drove over the side of the bridge!
After the truck had sunk, the man and brunette fought their way out of the cab and surfaced.
A couple of minutes later the blonde came out of the water, panting and breathless.
“Where have you been?” asked the man.
Exasperated, she said, “I can�t believe you left me down there! I couldn’t get the tailgate open!”
Best way to force a man to do sit-ups
Q. What�s the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.
Advice for Idiots
An actual tip from page 16 of the HP “Environmental,Health & Safety Handbook for Employees”: “Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes.”
Blonde freezer
Q: What do you call blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted flakes.