what do hindus worship?
obivosly stone!!lol
Author: admin
Ride To Miami
A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms and was
soaking up the Miami sun, when an old flea friend of his walked by.
Oscar, what happened to you? asked the first flea when he saw how terrible
his friend looked — runny nose, red eyes, teeth chattering.
I got a ride down here in some biker’s mustache and nearly froze my nuts off,
wheezed Oscar.
Let me give you a tip, old pal, said the first flea. Go to the stewardess
lounge at the airport, get up on the toilet seat, and when a stewardess comes
in, hop on for a nice warm ride. Got it?
A month later, while stretched out on the beach, the flea saw Oscar again,
looking more chilled and miserable than before.
I did everything you said, Oscar explained. I went to the stewardess lounge,
made a perfect landing, and got so warm and cozy that I dozed off.
And so? asked the first flea.
And the next thing I know, I’m in this guy’s mustache again!
Jackson’s new song
Michael Jackson starred in a CBS prime time special Friday in which the King of Pop sang his number one hits.
He’s beyond pop music now.
Classical music fans can’t wait to hear his first symphony, rumored to be called “Lewd Conduct with a Minor”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
Things NOT to say to a Cop!
Things NOT to say to a Cop!
1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.
3. Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must’ve been doin’ about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!!
5. Excuse me. Is “stick up” hyphenated?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
8. Bad cop! No Donut!
9. You’re not gonna check the trunk, are you?
10. Didn’t I see you get your butt kicked on “Cops”?
11. You look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend’s nightstand.
12. I pay your salary!
13. So, duhhhh, you on the take, or what?
14. Gee, Officer! That’s terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too.
15. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
16. I was trying to keep up with the other traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around, that’s how far ahead of me they are.
17. What do you mean, “Have I been drinking?” You’re the trained observer!
Legs apart?
Maria is very religious. She gets married and has 17 children, then her husband dies. She remarries a few weeks later and has another 22 children with her second husband. Maria dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says, ‘At least they are finally together.’
A man standing next to the priest asks,
‘Excuse me, but do you mean Maria and her first husband, or Maria and her second husband?’
The priest says, ‘I mean her legs.’
Dear John
You may know they’ve released John Hinckley from the mental facility for unsupervised visits to his parents home on weekends.
For those of you who may be too young to remember, John Hinckley shot President Ronald Reagan to impress the actress Jodie Foster. This is such a nice letter from the President:
THE WHITE HOUSE
WASHINGTON D.C.
Mr. John Hinckley
St. Elizabeth’s Hospital
Washington, DC
Dear John:
Laura and I hope that you are continuing your excellent progress in recovery from your mental problems. We were pleased to hear that you are now able to have unsupervised visits with your parents. The staff at the hospital reports that you are doing fine.
I have decided to seek a second term in office as your president, and I would appreciate your support and the support of your fine parents.
I would hope that if there is anything that you need at the hospital, you would let us know.
By the way, are you aware that John Kerry is screwing Jodie Foster?
Sincerely,
George W. Bush
President
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
I lost my wife!
Losing a wife can be hard. In my case it was almost fucking impossible!
What’s the new game they’re
What’s the new game they’re playing in the White House?
Swallow the Leader.
Need Bread
Back in the turn of the century in a mining town out west, a woman walked into a saloon. Suddenly she realised that she was not in the general store so she started to turn around and leave. As she was doing this, a drunk cowboy seated at the bar noticed her and said to the woman, “Come on over, Ma’am, sit yerself down right here next to me and have yerself a drink.”Thank you kindly Sir, but I’m afraid that I couldn’t,” replied the woman, “on account that I need to get bread.”The cowboy replied, “Uh, Ma’am, I do reckon you came to the right place for that!”
The Pirate
A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eye patch went to apply to be a pirate.
Interviewer: How did you get that peg leg?
Pirate: Arrr. I got me leg shot off during the First World War.
Interviewer: How did you get that hook?
Pirate: I got me hand cut off by a big knife.
Interviewer: What about your eye patch?
Pirate: It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird
crapped in me eye.
Interviewer: And that put your eye out?
Pirate: No, it was the day after I got me hooks.
Taxi driver
Why did the taxi driver give up his job?
Because people kept talking behind his back.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Flip
How do you keep a blonde busy?
Put “flip” on both sides of a piece of paper!
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo