A new neigbour arrives. The kids meet.
The local kid:
“My mom was born in California!
Where was your mom born?”
The other kid answers, “Alaska”.
The first one replies:
“Gee, then don’t worry about it… I’ll ask’er myself!”
Author: admin
Go give us a donation
Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on.He said “It’s Al Gore. He’s up there threatening to set himself on fire! We are going car to car collecting donations.””Donations!” I said, “How much you got so far?”He said “about ten gallons.”
Blonde and mosquito
whats the difference bewtween a blonde and a mosquito?
when you slap a mosquito it stops sucking
En una finca a la
En una finca a la media noche, en la frontera con M�xico y los Estados Unidos, mor�a una se�ora.
El padre de esta se�ora le dec�a a su yerno, “Vaya al pueblo y traiga al m�dico urgentemente, no ve que su mujer se muere.”
El yerno respond�a: “Pues vaya usted que es el padre”, y as� discut�an sin llegar a un acuerdo.
El motivo por el cual no querian ir al pueblo era porque ten�an que pasar por un puente en donde la leyenda dec�a que aparecia el Vampiro Fronterizo, un negro alto y fornido con una verga m�s grande que la de un burro y todo aquel que por ah� pasaba en la noche se lo cog�a.
Estando en esta discucion lleg� un vecino y les dijo: “Acaso no saben el rezo: Vampiro Fronterizo que por las noches volar�s, a pesar de tus hechizos mi culo no tocar�s.”
El esposo sale en su carro repitiendo este rezo durante todo el camino. Al llegar al sitio se le aparece tremendo negro con la verga parada y el esposo le dice: “Vampiro Fronterizo que por las noches volar�s a pesar de tus hechizos mi culo no tocar�s.”
Se lo queda mirando el vampiro y le dice: “�WHAT!”
Un hombre caminaba con su
Un hombre caminaba con su hijo de 8 a�os adentro de una farmacia. Al pasar por el estante de condones, el ni�o pregunta:
“�Qu� son �stos, pap�?”
“�sos son condones, hijo. Los hombres los utilizan para tener sexo seguro”.
“Ah, ya entiendo. S�, eso o� en mi clase de salud en la escuela”.
El chiquit�n toma un paquete de 3 del estante y pregunta:
“�Por qu� hay 3 en este paquete?”
“�sos son para los muchachos de prepa: uno para el viernes, uno para el s�bado y otro para el domingo”.
“�Genial!”
El infante se da cuenta que hay paquetes de 6 y vuelve:
“Entonces, �para qui�nes son �stos?”
“�sos son para los universitarios: dos para el viernes, dos para el s�bado y dos m�s para el domingo”.
“�Guau! Y, entonces, �qui�n usa �stos?”, cuestiona al tiempo que coge un paquete de 12.
“Ah, esos son para los hombres casados: uno para enero, uno para febrero, uno para marzo…”
Magic Frog
A man with a 25 inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he is having a problem with this cumbersome instrument and has had more than one complaint. “Doctor,” he asked, in total frustration, “is there anything you can do for me?” The doctor replies, “Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you.” So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.
The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. “Witch, my penis is 25 inches long and I need help. Can anything be done to help me? You are my only hope.” The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, “I think I may be able to help you with your problem. Do this. Go deep into the forest. You will find a pond. In this pond, you will find a frog sitting on a log. This frog has magic. You say to frog, will you marry me? When the frog says no, you will find five inches less to your problem.”
The man’s face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He called out to the frog, “Will you marry me?”
The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied, “NO.”
The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 5 inches shorter. “WOW,” he screamed out loud, “this is great!” But it was still too long at 20 inches, so he decided to ask the frog to marry him again. “Frog, will you marry me?” the guy shouted.
The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, “NO!” The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it was another 5 inches shorter. The man laughed, “This is fantastic.” He looked down at his penis again, 15 inches long, and reflected for a moment. Fifteen inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal. Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, “Frog will you marry me?”
The frog looked back across the pond shaking its head, “How many times do I have to tell you? NO, NO, NO!!!”
Little Red Riding Hood was
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly
the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a machete to
her throat, said, “Red, I’m going to screw your brains out!” To that, Little
Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a
.44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, “No you’re not! You’re going
to eat me, just like it says in the book!”
Car Dimmer Switch Modification
STATE OF CALIFORNIA
DEPARTMENT OF INSURANCE
1700 “J” STREET
SACRAMENTO, CA 95368
PETE WILSON HARRY WALBRATH
GOVERNOR DIRECTOR
BULLETIN NUMBER 95-2374
DATE: OCTOBER 20, 1995
TO: ALL CALIFORNIA INSURANCE AGENCIES
ALL CALIFORNIA DEALERS OF NEW/USED AUTOMOBILES
FROM: CALIFORNIA DEPARTMENT OF INSURANCE
SUBJ: AUTOMOTIVE VEHICLE HEADLAMP DIMMER SWITCH
1. Pursuant to the California Department of Motor Vehicles Act Number DMV 95-79221, all motor vehicles sold in the State of California after November 1, 1995 will be required to have the headlamp dimmer switch mounted on the floor of the vehicle. The dimmer switch must be mounted in a position accessible to operation by pressing the switch with the left foot. The switch must be far enough removed from the left foot pedals to avoid any inadvertent operation and/or pedal confusion.
2. Included in the above act, and beginning January 1, 1996 all other vehicles with steering mounted switches must be retrofitted with a floor mounted dimmer switch of the type described above. The steering column mounted dimmer switch must be disabled or removed from the vehicle. Vehicles which have not made this change will fail the forthcoming California State Safety Inspection which will begin on this date.
3. It is recognized that this will cause some difficulties and hardship for the driving public. However, this change is being made in the interest of public safety. A recent study entitled Initiation Sequence in California Night Time Highway Traffic Accidents was conducted jointly by the California Department of Highway Patrol and the California Department of Motor Vehicles along with the University of California at Berkeley Public Safety Research Department. In this study it has been shown that 90-95% of all California night time traffic accidents are caused by a blonde getting her foot caught in the steering wheel in an attempt to dim the headlamps of her vehicle.
Q. What’s the difference between a hog and…
Q. What’s the difference between a hog and a man?
A. A hog doesn’t have to sit in a bar and buy drinks all night just so he can score with some pig.
The Mistress
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of
a mistress.
The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of
being discovered….
The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce,
bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.
The computer scientist says, “It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to
me. My wife thinks I’m with my mistress. My mistress thinks I’m home with
my wife. And I can spend all night on the computer!”
I’m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze…
I’m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
A few years ago, when
A few years ago, when the Catholic church reform began to be much in
the news, Mrs. Moskowitz said to Mrs. Finkelstein, “Tell me, Becky,
have you heard by chance what’s going on in Rome?”
“No,” said Mrs Finkelstein. “I haven’t. What’s going on in Rome?”
“A meeting of high Catholic churchmen has, among other things,
decided that the Jews are not responsible for the crucifixion of
Jesus.”
Mrs Finkelstein raised her eyebrows. “Indeed? And who is
responsible, then?”
“I’m not sure,” said Mrs. Moskowitz. “I think they suspect the
Puerto Ricans.”