A boy was teaching girl arithmetic, he said it was his mission.
He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, “Now that’s addition.”
In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, “Now that’s
subtraction.”
Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation.
And both together smiled and said, “That’s multiplication.”
Then her Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision.
He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, “That’s long division!”
Author: admin
The Crook & The President
One Day The President was out jogging without his guards.
All of a sudden a man with a ski mask jumped out from behind some bushes with
a gun.
The masked man said “Give me all your money!”
Unwilling to do so, the President said, “You can’t do this, I’m the
President!” The man then replied,…
“Oh, never mind then. Give me MY money!”
Q: what is the difference between Bill Gates and a
Q: what is the difference between Bill Gates and a viberator?
A: A viberator is an artificial dick!
Need Olives
McMullen walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time
removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with
olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
“Excuse me,” said a customer, who was puzzled over what McMullen had done.
“What was that all about?”
“Nothing,” said the Irishman, “my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.”
Jack and Jill
Jack and Jill went over the hill to have a talk with their boss. Jack left. The boss got high pulled down his fly and Jill said,”How much does it cost?”
Awesome joke
fuck you
White-out
Why did the blonde use white-out on her computer screens?She couldn’t find their eraser.
Snappy comebacks
Man: ‘Haven’t we met before?’Woman: ‘Yes, I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.’Man: ‘Haven’t I seen you someplace before?Woman: ‘Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.’Man: ‘Is this seat empty?’Woman: ‘Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.’Man: ‘So, wanna go back to my place ?’Woman: ‘Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?’Man: ‘Your place or mine?’Woman: ‘Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.’Man: ‘I’d like to call you. What’s your number?’Woman: ‘It’s in the phone book.’Man: ‘But I don’t know your name.’Woman: ‘That’s in the phone book too.’Man: ‘So what do you do for a living?’Woman: ‘I’m a female impersonator.’Man: ‘What sign were you born under?’Woman: ‘No Parking.’Man: ‘Hey, baby, what’s your sign?’Woman: ‘Do not Enter’Man: ‘How do you like your eggs in the morning?’Woman: ‘Unfertilized !’Man: ‘Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason’Woman: ‘Yeah! Let’s pick up some chicks!’Man: ‘I’m here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.’Woman: ‘You mean you’ve got both a donkey and a Great Dane?’Man: ‘I know how to please a woman.’Woman: ‘Then please leave me alone.’Man: ‘I want to give myself to you.’Woman: ‘Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.’Man: ‘I can tell that you want me.’Woman: ‘Ohhhh. You’re so right. I want you to leave.’Man: ‘If I could see you naked, I’d die happy:Woman: ‘Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.’Man: ‘Your body is like a temple.’Woman: ‘Sorry, there are no services today.’Man: ‘I’d go through anything for you.’Woman: ‘Good! Let’s start with your bank account.’Man: ‘I would go to the end of the world for you.Woman: ‘Yes, but would you stay there?’
You Know You're
1. Your salary is less than your tuition. 2. Your potted plants stay alive. 3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd. 4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 5. You have to pay your own credit card bill. 6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal. 7. You haven’t seen a soap opera in over a year. 8. 8:00a.m. is not early. 9. You have to file for your own taxes. 10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work. 11. You’re not carded anymore. 12. You carry an umbrella. 13. You learn that “Bachelor” is a nicer term for a jackass. 14.”Extended childhood” only really pertains to your salary, which is a little less than your allowance used to be. 15.”Twenty-something” means over-qualified, under-paid, and not married. 16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up, and divorce instead of break-up. 17. You start watching the weather channel. 18. Jeans and baseball caps aren’t staples in your wardrobe. 19. You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack. 20. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7. 21. You stop confusing 401K plan with 10K run. 22. You go to parties that the police don’t raid. 23. Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you. 24. You don’t know what time Wendy’s closes anymore. 25. Your car insurance goes down. 26. You refer to college students as kids. 27. You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon, and rum.
The “Polish Virus”.
You have just received the “POLISH VIRUS!”
As we don’t have any programming experience,this Virus works on the honor system.
Please delete all the files on your hard drive manually and forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.
Thanks for your cooperation.
The Top 14 Rhymes in the Al-Qaeda Rap Song
14> My rhymes are hot, just like Shakira.
Um… whose songs I ain’t heard,
‘cuz they’re banned from Al-Jazeera.
13> If Sports Illustrated tempts you with swimsuit models,
Give praise to Allah and keep your hands off your throttles.
12> All you gots to do is pull the grenade ring,
And soon you’ll be wearin’ Allah’s bling-bling.
11> We’ll teach you to fly and we’ll make you a man,
But skip the last lesson, ‘cuz you won’t need to land!
10> To Allah you can give your soul,
Just don’t go down in no spider hole!
9> Al-Qaeda’s rulz:
Ya bodies are toolz for blowin’ up da churchz and da schoolz.
Ya blood’s in poolz, while ya leadaz live on to recruit
mo’ foolz.
8> Those infidel women drive Allah berserka!
Can’t someone please get Janet Jackson a burqa?
7> Ain’t nobody doper than our man, Osama.
He’s so phat, he out-phats yo’ mama.
6> Seventy-two virgins is paradise’s promise.
Let’s hope their names ain’t Harry, Frank or Thomas.
5> Allah Akhbar, let’s hit the crack bar.
In victory, we’ll smoke us a fatwa!
4> My name is Osama and I’m one badass bomba.
I got a beard like yo’ daddy, but I dress like yo’ mama.
3> Yo, it’s me you see, with lots of TNT in my BVDs.
Cool as can be, like Scott Bakula playin’ Dracula.
They’ll be cleanin’ up my insides with a spatula.
2> I’m the mutha of Mullahs, the baddest in Al-Qaeda.
I’ll fry Yankee ass like a bag of Ore-Ida.
1> Join one of our cells and be all invisible.
Slipping fives to strippers, just like an infizzidel.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
Marines and blonde
Three marines were stranded on a desert island with a lovely young blonde.
After about 6 months the blonde, being so ashamed of what she had been doing, killed herself… About a year later, the marines, being a little ashamed of what they had been doing, buried her!!!