Yours Fun Portal !
A science teacher set up a simple experiment to show her class the danger of alcohol. She set up 2 glasses, one containing water, the other containing gin. Into each she dropped a worm.
The worm in the water swam merrily around. The worm in the gin quickly died.
“What does this experiment prove?” she asked.
Little Johnny from the back row piped up: “It proves that if you drink gin you won’t have worms”
– Episode Two…Dignity, Shmignitty
– Star Wars Episode Two: The Empire Phones It In
– Jedi Jedi Bang Bang
– There’s Something About Anakin
– Star Wars Episode Two: Steaming Crap On a Stick
– Star Wars: Anakin Pie 2
– O Profits, Where Art Thou
– Star Wars II: A Clone Again, Naturally
– Episode II: Pretty Much a Two Hour Trailer For Episode III
– Anakin Skywalker in Clone Alone 2
– Star Wars Episode Two: Jar Jar’s Slow painful Death At The
Hands Of a Totally Nude Queen Amidala (Well Ok, Not Really–But
Come See It Anyway, Dweebs)
11> Condom that doubles as a self-inflating hot-air balloon (with reservoir tip)
10> “The Cartman” — an anal probe that facilitates otherwise impossible ski moves
9> Palm Pilot to distract bad guys with that hilarious Top 5 List
8> Condom coated with truth serum
7> Can of whoop-ass disguised as a Diet Coke
6> Miniature caulking gun for holes in the plot
5> Giant foam hand that says “British Secret Service #1!”
4> Viagra Martini: for when he’s shaken, not stirred
3> Really grippy pliers
2> Cool British sports car that — get this — actually *runs*!
1> Whatever it is, I bet a cheap plastic replica of it will fit in a Happy Meal.
16> The burger and fries taste about the same, but the Tab’s a bit flat.15> The environment-proof packaging doubles as wall insulation.14> Your prize? A Jimmy Carter figure with Hustle-Action Hips!13> Mayor McCheese doesn’t yet show the ravaging effects of his crack habit.12> That Daisy Duke on the box sure looks like a purty girl. But then so do Bo and Luke.11> The loogie hocked in the burger smells of Billy Beer.10> The burger is served *with* a bun, in blatant disregard for your child’s carb intake.9> It tastes like Norman Fell.8> The Farrah Fawcett mini-poster that came with it shows no discernible traces of irony or sarcasm.7> When you place your order, the guy behind the counter yells, No Coke. Pepsi!6> The included toy is hand-carved from real wood and can be fully enjoyed even if you haven’t seen the movie.5> The condiments include salt, pepper, ketchup and sweet, sweet cocaine.4> The fries are cold as ice… they’re willing to sacrifice your love.3> The Michael Jackson trading card inside has some black guy on it.2> You broke a French fry in half and counted the grease rings.1> The collectible Gary Coleman trading card draws your attention to the real Gary Coleman working the grill in the back. [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.
So he called on a female angel and sent her to Earth for a time.
When she returned she told God, “Yes it is bad on Earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good.”
Well, he thought for a moment and said “Maybe I had better send down a male angel; to get both points of view.”
So God called a male angel and sent him to Earth for a time.
When the male angel returned he went to God and told him “Yes, the Earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good.”
God said this was not good. He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good and encourage them a little, something to help them keep going.
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Do you know what that E-mail said?
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Oh! You didn’t get one either huh?
yo,momma is so poor that when i went to her house and rang the door bell, she ran to the door and said “ding dong”
What happens when people of different occupations get old.- Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.- Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils.- Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.- Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
Three laborers were sitting on the 20th floor of a new building not completed. One was Irish, one was American and the other was Australian.
At lunch the Australian claimed that if he got another Vegimite sandwich for lunch he would throw himself off the building the next day.
The American opened up his lunchbox and declared the same as he grimaced at the peanut butter and jelly sandwich and the Irish man declared the same as he grimaced at his baked bean sandwiches.
The next day the three go to work and they all received the same lunch again and they all threw themselves off the top floor of the building.
At the funeral the three wives got together and the Australian’s wife said, “All he had to do was say something and I would have packed him a different lunch.”
The American’s wife said the same thing.
Then the Irishman’s wife said, “Well, I don’t understand it at all, Paddy has been packing his own lunch for the past six months.”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job, and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.”
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a good job and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.” The head stewardesses doesn’t even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blonde is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.
The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, “I told her the front half of the airplane wasn’t going to Jamaica.”
In restaurant: “Open seven days a week and weekends.” On the freeway in Boston during a MAJOR transformation of the streets and bridges, etc: “Rome wasn’t built in a day. If it was we would have hired their contractor.” A sign in front of an advertising agency in south superhighway, Philippines: “A BUSINESS WITH NO SIGN IS A SIGN OF NO BUSINESS” A sign in front of a Macadamia Nut Factory in Hawaii: “Caution: Nuts crossing road.” On a ski lift in Taos, NM: ‘No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted.’
Why did the 3 blondes jump off the building?
They wanted to see if their maxi-pads really had wings.
A Jew, a Greek and an Irishman were killed in a car accident. When they got to heaven, being young men, they asked Saint Peter if there was any way for them to come back to earth.Saint Peter thought for a minute and then said, ‘Well, if you each promise to give up one particular thing, I’ll grant your request.’All jumped at the chance. The Jew had to agree to never touch any money, the Irishman had to agree to never touch even a drop of alcohol and the Greek had to agree to never touch another man.Later, the three of them are walking together down the street when they came to a bar. The Irishman begins shaking all over. ‘Oh boy, could I use a drink,’ he says. The other two try to talk him out of it but he goes into the bar anyway.He returns with a beer and takes a sip. Suddenly, poof, he disappears. The Jew and the Greek continue walking. At the next block the Jew spots a 5c piece on the footpath. He begins shaking and unable to resist, he bends down to pick up the coin. Suddenly, poof, the Greek disappears.