Knock-Knock!
Who’s there?
Clinton.
Clinton Who?
Clinton wants to know if he can have his girlfriend back?
Author: admin
Clinton movie titles…
Some possible titles for the new Bill Clinton movie:
Dial M for Monica Saving Clinton’s Privates All the President’s Women The Lying King Free Willy Terms of Impeachment Driving Miss Monica Independent Counsel Day The Six Commandments The Full Monica President on a Hot Tin Roof Red Faced in October Honey, I Shrunk the Presidency Bedtime for Bubba The Me Lie Massacre!
Whorehouse
A little boy hears the word “whorehouse” in school and asks his father what it means.
His father is quite shocked, and replies: “Well, uh… you go there to… have a good time.”
The boy starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go there too, but his father insists that he’s too young.
Saturday night his dad and a few friends go to “Suzie’s” to “have a good time,” not knowing the little boy is following them.
After his father leaves, the little boy enters the whorehouse and tells the madame that he too wants to have a good time. She’s a bit puzzled at first, but being a kind-hearted lady, she gives him three doughnuts and tells him to leave.
Later that night he comes home, his parents all worried.
His father approaches him first and asks him where he’s been.
“IN A WHOREHOUSE!” he screams proudly.
“WHAT? Well… uh… how was it?”
“I managed the first two without any problem, but I just licked the last one.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
By the time you can
By the time you can make ends meet, they’ve moved the ends.
Funeral Story
A famous heart specialist doctor died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A regular coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart.
When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed.
Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing.
The guy next to him asked: “Why are you laughing?”
“I was thinking about my own funeral” the man replied.
“What’s so funny about that?”
“I’m a gynecologist.”
Trying To Fly
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree.
After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
“Dear,” she chirped, “I think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted.”
THE SMARTEST DOG
A doctor, an engineer, and a lawyer go out hunting in the woods one day. Each
of them brings along his hunting dog, and they spend most of the morning arguing
about which of the dogs is the smartest.
Early in the afternoon, they discover a clearing in the forest. In the middle
of the clearing is a large pile of animal bones. Seeing the bones, the doctor
turns to the others and says: “I’m going to prove to you two that my dog is the
smartest. Watch this.”
He then calls his dog over and says: “Bones. See the bones? Go get ’em.”
The dog rushes over to the pile, rummages around for a bit, and then proceeds
to build a replica of the human skeleton, perfect down to the last detail. The
doctor grins smugly.
Totally unimpressed, the engineer says: “That’s nothing. Watch this.” He calls
his dog over, and points out the pile. “Bones. Get the bones.
The dog rushes over, tears down the skeleton, and in its place builds a
perfect replica of the Eiffel Tower. It even has little French flag waving at
the top. The doctor is forced to agree the engineer’s dog is smarter than his.
The lawyer, however, is still not impressed. “My dog is smarter. Watch.” He
then calls his dog over, points to the pile, and says simply “Bones.”
The dog rushes over to the pile, tears down the tower, eats half the bones,
buries the other half, screws the other two dogs, and takes the rest of the
afternoon off.
Spreading Legs
A guy walks up to a woman and begins staring at her legs. He says “You have very nice legs”.While blushing, the woman thanks him and asks for his name.The man says, “My name isn’t important”, and continues staring at her legs.He looks up at her face and says “You have extremely nice legs.. What time do they open?”.
Your mom is soooo fat…
Your mom is so fat, I can get morning exercise by running around here!
Eating Bananas
Good evening ladies”, Sherlock Holmes said as he passed three women eating bananas on a park bench.
“Do you know them?” Dr. Watson asked. “No”, Holmes replied, “I’ve never met the nun, the prostitute or the bride we just passed.”
“Good Lord, Holmes, how in the world did you know all that?”
“Elementary, my dear Watson. The nun ate the banana by holding it one hand and using the fingers of the other hand to properly break the fruit into small pieces.”
“The prostitute”, he continued, “grabbed with both hands and crammed the whole thing into her mouth.”
“Amazing!” Watson exclaimed. “But how did you know the third was a newlywed?”
“Because she held it one hand and pushed her head toward it with the other.”
Potatoes
One day a blonde,a brunette,and a red head were walking threw a corn field.The farmer saw them so he chased them with a pitchfork. They ran into a farm and hid in potatoe bags.The farmer poked the three bags the first bag said “Woof”(brunette)the second bag said “meow”(red head)and the third bag said “potatoes”(blonde)
Superstitious
A hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment in Arkansas, when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a bar. After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed.”Say, how old are you anyway?” the reporter asked as the obviously young lass was disrobing.”Thirteen,” she replied with a shy smile.”Thirteen ??? My God, girl !!! You get those clothes back on at once at get the hell outta here ! Are you crazy ?” he thundered.Pausing briefly at the door as she left, the perplexed nymphet smiled and said, “Superstitious, huh ?”