An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, “Have you ever been arrested?” he wrote, “No.”The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was “Why?”The applicant answered it anyway: “Never got caught.”
Author: admin
busy dumbass
How do you keep a dumbass busy for hours?
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How do you keep a dumbass busy for hours?
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Redneck Defined
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You and your dog use the same tree.
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in
prison.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending upon how much gas
it has in it.
So hot in Washington
In fact, it was so hot in Washington, people were standing behind President Bush just to get the breeze from all the backpedaling.
Yo Mama’s So Fat… BVD’s
Yo’ mama so fat, when she puts on BVD’s it spells out boulevard!
Who want’s to be 100
When a grandmother was in her late eighties, she decided to move to Israel.
As part of the preparations, she went to see her doctor and get all her charts. The doctor asked her how she was doing, so she gave him the litany of complaints, this hurts, that’s stiff, I’m tired and slower, etc.
He responded with, “Mrs. Siegel, you have to expect things to start deteriorating. After all, who wants to live to 100?”
The grandmother looked him straight in the eye and replied, “Anyone who’s 99.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Manolo llega con el m�dico:
Manolo llega con el m�dico:
“Doctor, doctor, quiero que me castre.”
“�Est� seguro, se�or?”
“S�, s�, seguro, seguro, ahorita mismo.”
Al d�a siguiente operan a Manolo, y en horas de visita llega su mejor amigo:
“Oye, Manolo, �c�mo te fue con la circuncisi�n?”
“!ESA era la palabrita, esa era…!”
Solutions For An Insane World
Problem: World Hunger
Solution: Chop up some of the hungry people and feed them to other hungry people until no one is hungry anymore.
Problem: World Peace
Solution: Remove all the humans from the planet.
Problem: Poverty
Solution: Give the poor people the job of chopping up the hungry people and pay them.
Problem: People Leaching Welfare (CANADA)
Solution: Chop them up with the hungry people.
Problem: War
Solution: Create a new law so that for every person you kill, you loose a limb. Bullets and firearms will be sold to you, but at the price of a limb. When you die, your firearms will be cremated with you.
Problem: Injustice
Solution: This will never be solved, because no matter how fair something may be, some damn whiner will bitch about it and come up with some lame excuse as to why it is unfair.
Problem: Over Population
Solution: Sterilize the population.
Problem: Nuclear Weapons
Solution: Dismantle them and send them into space. If we ever need them to blow up an asteroid, then put them together again.
Problem: Aliens Stealing DNA Samples
Solution: Start shooting DNA into space to save the aliens the trip… and us the probing.
Problem: Washing Machine & Dryer Stealing Socks
Solution: Take them into the fields and shoot them along with the designers.
Problem: Stupid People
Solution: Kill them. Only I get to decide who lives.
Problem: Bad Parents
Solution: Parents must pass a test administered by me. If they fail, they get sterilized until they pass the test. If you fail twice, you stay sterilized for 5 years.
Problem: Animal Abuse
Solution: Kill the person doing it. I get to kill them.
Problem: Space Junk Floating AroundSolution: Make a giant pool skimmer and clean the place up! How can we possibly have company over when the place is a mess?
Problem: Stupid Teenage Female Puppet Singers (Like Brittany Spears)
Solution: Pump up their fake boobs until they explode or fuck them up the ass real hard until they bleed to death. Tape it as well so I can piss myself laughing.
Problem: Dumbass All Boy Bands Who All Sound The Same
Solution: Force them to do their little dance routines for months, or until they collapse. If that doesn’t work, then fuck them up the ass real hard until they bleed to death. Then shoot them and tape it for me.
Genie & Truck Driver
A truck driver was tooling down the highway one afternoon and heard a “pop.” Thinking that perhaps he had blown a tire, he steered the rig onto the shoulder and walked back to check his tires.
He found a bottle laying in the gutter. He picked it up and wiped off the label to see what kind of bottle it was when a very old genie popped out.
The genie said, “Man, I’m too old for this! You get one wish — not three — just one.”
The driver thought long and hard, and finally said, “It would be really nice for all the bridges to be wide enough that over-sized loads could get through without any trouble.”
The genie said, “Do you know how many bridges that would be?! Can’t you come up with something simpler?”
The driver replied, “How about if you make all the blondes as smart as brunettes?”
The genie shook his head vigorously and answered, “How wide would you like those bridges?”
Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to
Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose HuntersWomen’s Movement Called More Broad-BasedAntique Stripper to Display Wares at StoreProstitutes Appeal to PopeTeacher Strikes Idle Kids
So Information
Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But whips and chains
Excite me
I like your style
I like you class
But most of all
I like you ass
Guys are like roses
Watch out for the pricks
You can prick you finger
Just don’t finger you prick
Sex is evil
Evil is sin
Sin is forgiven
So put it in
Twatt’s twatt
And that’s that
Eat me
Beat me
Bite me
Blow me
Suck me
Fuck me
Very slowly
If you kiss me
don’t be sassy
Use you tongue
and make it nasty
Mental anxiety
Mental break downs
Menstral cramps
Menopause
Did you ever notice how all women’s problems begin with
MEN?!?!?!?!
I am me
a girl wanted to have sex with her boyfriend,but her boyfriend
said no.she then told her boyfriend but everyone does it and her boyfriend said but i am not everyone, i am me.