So two friends walk into a party and the one friend says to his other friend say whos that hot girl over there.His friend says”thats Amanda”.Two hours later his friend comes running up to him and says “dude!! I just madeout with Amanda”.
His friend gasps, then and starts to laugh and laugh until his friend says whats so funny and his friend replied dude are you deaf I said A Man Duh, your so stupid.
Author: admin
What’s green and flies over
What’s green and flies over Poland?
Peter Panski.
WC
In the days when you couldn’t count on a public facility to have
indoor plumbing, an English woman was planning a trip to Europe.
She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the
local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest
house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called
a WC which stands for water closet. She wrote the schoolmaster
inquiring into the location of the nearest WC.
The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest
if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible
meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to
know if there was a “Wayside Chapel” near the house . . . a
bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster wrote
the following reply:
Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9
miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of
pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of
holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As
there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest
you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room.
This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the
habit of going regularly.
It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married
in the WC as it was there that she met her husband. It was a
wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was
wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. My wife, sadly,
has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a
year since she went last, which pains her greatly.
You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch
and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute
and arrive just in time! I would recommend your ladyship plan to
go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The
acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be
heard everywhere.
The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person
enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all
since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting
you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be
seen by all.
With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster
Light bulb
Q: How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 50. One to screw in the lightbulb and the remaining 49 to guard him.
Yo mama is so greasy
Yo mama so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her
Dear Abby
Snappy answers to sappy questions:
All your puny problems solved in 10 words or less!
Q: Dear Abby,
What can I do about my little brother? He’s such a pest!
A: Have you tried a flyswatter?
Q: Dear Abby,
My boss is a mean, unappreciative slave driver who constantly belittles me. What can I do?
A: Shut up and get back to work!
Q: Dear Abby,
My dad insists I clean my room! How can I get out of this?
A: Get a new dad.
Q: Dear Abby,
Why are you so lazy?
A: Dear loser, Why are you so stupid? Next question.
Q: Dear Abby,
Help! I need to lose weight! How can I stop eating all the fattening foods I love?
A: Send them to me and I’ll eat them for you.
Surgeon Says
Three things nobody wants to hear the surgeon say:
Oops.
Has anyone seen my watch?
That was some party last night. I can’t remember WHEN I’ve been that drunk!
Golf Injury
A guy at the golf course takes a high speed ball in the crotch. Writhing
in pain and agony, He falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the
doctor. He says, “How bad is it DOC?” I’m going on my honeymoon next week
and my fiancee is a virgin in every way shape and form.” The Doc said,
“I’ll have to put it in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It
should be okay by next week.” So the Doc took four tongue depressers and
made a neat four sided bandage and wired it all together. It was an
impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his fiancee. Then
they marry. And on their honeymoon night in there hotel room, she rips
open her blouse to reveal the most gorgeous set of breasts he has ever
laid eyes on. This is the first time he saw them. She says, “You are the
first to see these. No one has ever touched my breasts.” He pulls down his
pants, whips out his peker and says, “And look at this, it’s still in the
crate.”
Knock KnockWho’s there?Whittle!Whittle who?Whittle Orphan
Knock KnockWho’s there?Whittle!Whittle who?Whittle Orphan Annie!
Tower
farther christmas a dumb blonde and a smart blonde jump off a building which one hits the ground first? the dumd blonde because the other two are not real
Justice Is Blind
Judge Claudia Jordan of Denver slipped a message to her clerk during a trial.
The note said:
“Blind on the right side. May be falling. Please call someone.”
The clerk called 9-1-1. She told the judge not to worry, help was on the way.
The judge made a noise.
“I wanted someone from maintenance,” she said.
The trouble was the window blinds on the courtroom’s right side. The judge appologized to the paramedics when they arrived.
One day a Canadian an
One day a Canadian an Indian and an American went to a cliff.
The American says “Lets each throw something over the cliff
that we have too much of in our countries.”
The American throws $100. The other two say “What’d ya do that
for? The American replies “Money we’ve got plenty of it in the US.
The Indian pulls out a bag of weed and throws it over. The other
two say “What’d ya do that for? The Indian relpies “Drugs, we’ve got
it too much in India.”
The Canadian throws the Indian over the cliff. The American says
“That was kinda cold, what was that for?” The Canadian replies:
We’ve too much of that in our country.