Author: admin

Job Centre

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After the Second Coming Jesus returns to Earth.
Within a week he is summoned to the Job Centre and told to find a job.
He is asked to state previous work experience.
He replies that he has done a bit of fishing and some carpentry.
The Clerk checks the computer and finds two job vacancies.
Job one is #200.00 a week as a Carpenter in Birmingham .
The other is as a Fishermen in Galilee at #1,000.00 a week.
The clerk asks him which job he wants to apply for.
After much thought Jesus replies the Birmingham one.
The Clerk tells him again the difference in pay.
He asks him why he doesn’t want the Galilee job.
He sighs and says.
” I worked in Galilee once and was hammered with tax (tacks).
Only joking …don’t get cross.

Humor about Knowledge

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The person who knows everything has the most to learn.

The less a man knows, the easier it is to convince him he knows it all.

Nothing annoys me more than a man who thinks he knows it all and does.

Feel sorry for the man who has been educated beyond his intelligence.

The only successful substitute for a lack of brain is silence.

The more a man knows himself, the less he says about it.

A wise man never blows his knows.

If a little learning is a dangerous thing, then most people are safe.

Knowing a lot is of no value if what you know isn’t so.

An ignorant person is one who doesn’t know what you just found out.

Beanie weanie

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A guy walks into a store an asked where the beanie weanies were.the clerk said”Down the hall to your left you can’t miss it.”” So he went down the hall to the right and a gost came up “”I’m the gost of baenie waenie tuch my baenie I’ll cut off your waenie.”” the guy ran home crying .Another guy comes in and asked where the baenie waenies were the clerk said””Down the hall to your left you can’t miss it.””so he went there a gost comes up and said””Im the gost of baenie waenie tuch me baenie I’ll cut off your waenie.””the guy ran home crying .Another guy comes in an asked where the baenie waenies were the clerk said “”Down the hall to your left you cant miss it.”” so he went down the hall to his left a gost came up and said “”I’m the gost of baenie waenie tuch my baenie I’ll cut off your waenie.””and the guy said im the gost of christmas past tuch my dick I’ll kick your ass.””

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Making Sand Policeman

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One day a police officer wanders along the beach. He notices a kid playing
with the sand. The kid makes a man out of sand and shits on it.

Officer: What are you doing, kid?
Kid : I make a man, then I shit on it and it becomes a policeman.
Officer: I warn you, you should not do this again the next time I come.
Kid : OK! I will not do it again.

Another day the same officer goes by the beach. He notices the kid playing
with the sand. The kid makes a man out of sand and shits on it.

Officer: What are you doing, kid?
Kid : I make a man, then I shit on it and it becomes a policeman.
Officer: I warn you the last time, otherwise you will be punished fiercely.
Kid : OK! I will not do it again.

The following day, the officer comes to beach and sees the kid playing
with the sand. The kid makes a man out of sand and nothing more…

Officer: What is this, kid?
Kid : It is a fireman.
Officer: Why don’t you shit on it?
Kid : Then it becomes a policeman!

Pact with Satan

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An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, “I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and parents-in-law, and the souls of all of your friends and law partners.”

The lawyer thought about this for a moment, then asked, “So, what’s the catch?”