Q: what do you call a bull that sleeps
A: a bulldozer
Author: admin
The problem was his poetry, which was of the…
The problem was his poetry, which was of the Naturalistic school and
leaned heavily on the S alliteration: “Sad, sorrow-sunk survivors of a
sadistic society, saturated with strong, stiff stench of stifling
strife…”
– Patrick F. McManus
Not late
You’re not late.
You just have a, “rescheduled arrival time.”
Trick
Think of a number from 1 to 10
Multiply that number by 9
If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together
Now subtract 5
Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with (example: 1=a, 2=b, 3=c,etc.)
Think of a country that starts with that letter
Remember the last letter of the name of that country
Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter
Remember the last letter in the name of that animal
Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter
Scroll down….
Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange?
Elephant Tampon
Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?
A: A sheep.
Voo Doo
There is a man and he finds out his wife is cheating on him because she isnt getting enough pleasure. He goes to a porno shop and tells him his problem. The man says he has just the thing for him, so he pulls out a box labeled Voo Doo Dick. He says watch this and opens the box and says, “voo doo dick, door!” so it jumps out of the box and start humping the keyhole. The guy buys it and takes it home to his wife. He tells her how to use it and goes to work. Later, his wife wants pleasure so she opens the box and says, “voo doo dick my pussy!” so it starts humping her like crazy. when she gets like 8 orgasms she wants to stop, but she doesnt know how, so she gets in her car and drives to the hospital, and on the way she has another orgasm and swerves all over the road. A police stops her and asks whats wrong, so she says that she has a voo doo dick in her pussy. The policeman says, “yeah right, voo doo dick my ass!”
You Mama’s So Hairy…
– Yo mama’s so hairy, they filmed “Gorillas in the Mist” in her shower.
– Yo mama’s so hairy, Bigfoot took a picture of her.
– Yo mama’s so hairy, her armpits look like she has Don King in a head lock.
– Yo mama’s so hairy, she looks like a Chia pet with a sweater on.
– Yo mama’s so hairy, she has afros on her nipples.
– Yo mama’s so hairy, you almost died of rug burn at birth.
– Yo mama’s so hairy, she shaves with a weedwacker.
– Yo mama’s so hairy, she got a trim and lost 10 pounds.
– Yo mama’s so hairy, when she spreads her legs ,the first thing that comes to my mind is “We’re going to Bush Gardens.”
Special High Intensity Training
(S.H.I.T)
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained, through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.).
We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our supervisors are especially
skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Employees who do not take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in Departmental Employee Evaluation Program (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to Employee Attitude Training (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.).
Since your supervisor took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they do not have to do
S.H.I.T. anymore, because they are full of S.H.I.T. already. If you are full of S.H.I.T. you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. will get S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to Director of Intensity Programming (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.).
If you have any questions, please direct them to our Head of Training Special High Intensity Training (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.)
Thank You,
Boss In General Special High Intensity Training
(B.I.G.S.H.I.T.)
Me Tarzan!
Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees for sex.
Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for awhile.
Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came out into the open and offered herself to him.
As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in the crotch.
In pain she screamed ‘What the hell did you do that for!?’
Tarzan replied, ‘Always check for squirrels.’
The Money, the Bible, or the Whiskey
An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The
parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about
his future career…. so they decided to do a small test.
They took a ten dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put
them on the front hall table. Then they hid, pretending they were not at
home.
The father’s plan was: “If our son takes the money, he will be a
businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest–but if he takes
the bottle of whiskey, I’m afraid our son will be a drunkard.”
So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping
through the keyhole they saw their son arrive…the son saw the note they
had left.
Then, he took the 10 dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid
it in his pocket.
After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it.
Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff
to be assured of the quality…then he left for his room, carrying all the
three items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said: “Darn, it’s even worse than I
could ever have imagined…”
“Our son is going to be a politician!”
Life is a game, the object of which…
Life is a game, the object of which
is to discover the object of the game.
Not speaking
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months–I don’t like to interrupt her.