A rich man and a poor man had a talk about cristmass presents
richman \I got my wife a ring and a BMW for cristmass
poorman \ why both
richman \ if she dont like the ring she can drive back with
a smile
poorman \ i got my wife a piar of slippers and a vibraitor
richman \ why both
poorman \ if she dont like the slippers she can go fuck her self
Author: admin
Portland Fair
Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine.
Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said
“Ya know Mahtha, I’d like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane.”
And every year Martha would say “I know Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs… and ten dollahs is ten dollahs.”
So Stumpy says “By Jeebers Mahtha, I’m 71 yeahs old. If I don’t go this time I may nevah go.”
Martha replies “Stumpy, that there aihplane ride is ten dollahs… and ten dollahs is ten dollahs.”
So the pilot overhears them and says “Folks, I’ll make you a deal, I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won’t charge you, but just one word and it’s ten dollars.”
They agree and up they go.The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard.
He does it one more time, still nothing. So he lands.
He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to holler out, but you didn’t.”
And Stumpy replies “Well, I was gonna say something when Mahtha fell out, but ten dollahs is ten dollahs!”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Why Men Prefer Blondes
Why do men prefer blondes?
Men always like intellectual company.
Flags tell us information about our taxes
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. “Our flag symbolizes our taxes,” he said. “We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them.””That’s the same with us,” the American said, “only we see stars, too.”
Esta es la historia de
Esta es la historia de un culo que ya no quer�a ser culo, as� que hablo con el Supremo:
“Ya no quiero ser un culo”, pidi�.
“Pero, �por qu� no quieres ser un culo?”
“Es que soy la cosa m�s miserable del universo; me ultrajan y abusan de m�. No, ya no quiero ser un culo”, se queja.
“Entonces, �qu� quieres ser?”
“Yo quisiera ser un pajarito”.
Y, zas, el Alt�simo lo convierte en p�jaro. Cuando se trepa a una rama de un �rbol, como lo hacen todos los p�jaros, llega otro p�jaro que lo saluda:
“Hola, culito”.
“No soy culito”, reclama.
“Eres un culo”, insiste el ave.
“No, que no soy”.
“Entonces, �qu� eres?
“Pues soy un pajarito”.
“A ver, canta”.
Y comienza a cantar:
“Prprprprprpr”.
Upset Wife
One day, a man came home to find his wife hysterically crying.
He said, “Honey, whats the matter?” She said, “Oh it was
terrible. This black man broke in the house. He raped me, made
me suck his cock and made me sing the star spangled banner”.
“That’s terrible,” the man replied. “I know. I don’t know how to
sing.”
Chicken bone
A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town out in the South. She orders the chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast she starts to choke on a chicken bone.
Buford Buck’s 2 country boys in the next booth notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt.
The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out she starts spewing up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat.
Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck “You’re right, that hind-lick manoeuvre works like a charm.”
A quote on marriage
May you grow so rich your widow’s second husband never has to worry about a living, God forbid.
You might be a red neck…
If you have to go out to your garage to heat something up in the microwave.
Yo mama
yo mama is so stupid that she stuck a phone up her ass and thought she was making a booty call
How many times.
After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.
“C’mon, tell me,” she asked for the thousandth time, “how many women have you slept with?”
“Baby, ” he protested, “if I told you, you’d throw a fit.”
Kim promised she wouldn’t get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.
“Okay,” he said, then started to count on his fingers “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven – then there’s you – nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen…..
That is what you get!
So, my friend said,”Hey, what do you think about him?””Who? the principal?”I said. “No way Jose!!”she said. “Are you calling ME Jose?? Huh,huh???”I said. “No! Why would I, booger times infinity!!!!”she screamed in my ear. “Muppet Puppet MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!”I said laughing. Then someone was sneaking around the school and he heard our conversation,so when he passed us, WE GAVE HIM A DOUBLE WEDGIE!! And his boxers had B-A-R-N-E-Y on them so he was the laugh of the school!!