Why does a woman close her eyes when she’s having sex?
Because no woman ever wants to see a man enjoying himself!
Author: admin
Why cry?
Two children were in a doctor’s waiting room. A little girl was softly sobbing.
“Why are you crying?” asked the little boy.
“I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger,” said the girl.
When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.
“Why are you crying?” asked the girl.
The boy looked at her worriedly and said, “I’m here for a urine test.”
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
Bridge to Hawaii
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He
picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, ‘OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah, and blah. This
is the fourth time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes, so
you can forget about three. You only get one wish.’
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, ‘I’ve always wanted to
go to Hawaii but I’m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a
bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?’
The genie laughed and said, ‘That’s impossible. Think of the logistics of
that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how
much concrete… how much steel! No, think of another wish.’
The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said,
‘I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t
care and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women… know
how they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent
treatment… know why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say
“nothing”… know how to make them truly happy. .’
The genie said, ‘You want that bridge two lanes or four?’
Parking Meter
You’re so dumb you put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for a gumball
to come out.
Blondes & the Genie
Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie’s lamp.
After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, “I will grant three wishes, one for each of you.”
The first said, “I wish I were smarter.”
So, she became a redhead.
The second blonde said, “I wish I were smarter than she is.”
She became a brunette.
The third blond ordered, “I wish I were smarter than both of them!”
So, she became a man.
Llega un cura reci�n muerto
Llega un cura reci�n muerto a las puertas del Cielo, pero no hay nadie afuera. Entonces toca, pero nadie le abre porque adentro hay un fiest�n y se escucha mucho ruido.
El padre vuelve a tocar como cinco veces y por fin le contesta San Pedro:
“�Qui�n eshhh?”
“Soy yo, San Pedro, vengo en busca de soledad y paz”.
Y San Pedro le responde:
“�No, esas putas ya no trabajan aqu�!”
Wishing for Intelligence
There were these 3 guys on a fishing trip in the ocean. They meet up with a mermaid who jumps up on their ship and grants them each a wish. The first guy is a little suspicious so he says, “Double my IQ. by one more time.” Pow. The guy starts reciting Shakespeare. The others are amazed and another asks, “Will you please triple mine?” Zowie. Then he starts spitting out answers that have stumped Mathematicians and other people for years. Then the last guy wants to be really smart so he tells her to make his I.Q. larger by doubling it 7 times. She says,” Gee I don’t know. Cant you wish for like peace or a million dollars or a Porsche ar something else?” “No. You fixed them up. Why cant you do me?”She then says,” O.k. Boom” Then the guy turns into a woman!!!!!!!!!contributed by Angela Emmert 12 years.
The amazing golf ball
A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, “Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!” The golfer, annoyed, says, “What is it?” “It’s a special golf ball,” says the salesman. “You can never lose it!” “Whattaya mean,” scoffs the golfer, “you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?” “No problem,” says the salesman. “It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it.” “Well, what if you hit it into the woods?” “Easy,” says the salesman. “It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed.” “Okay,” says the golfer, impressed. “But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?” “No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I’m telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!” The golfer buys it at once. “Just one question,” he says to the salesman. “Where did you get it?” “I found it.”
yo mama so stupid when tried to work at job…
yo mama so stupid when tried to work at job on the paper she saw sex and she put two times a week
Poem about Economics
If you do some acrobatics
with a little mathematics
it will take you far along.
If your idea’s not defensible
don’t make it comprehensible
or folks will find you out,
and your work will draw attention
if you only fail to mention
what the whole thing is about.
Your must talk of GNP
and of elasticity
of rates of substitution
and undeterminate solution
and oligonopopsony.
Suck It In
I noticed my husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his ample stomach.
Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, I quipped, “I don’t think that is going to help much, hon?”
“Sure it does,” he said. “How else can I can see the numbers!”
Europe
A baseball player is sitting on the bench along with the coach. Suddenly,
the
coach starts saying, “Germany, Italy, Spain, Britain.” The guy looks at
him and
says, “Huh?” to which the coach replies… “Europe!”