Why did they have to change the name from AIDS to HIV?
All the [ethnics] were tyring to sign up for AIDS.
Author: admin
A well trained coon hound
I had a coonhound once that was so well trained that all I had to do was show it a certain size fur stretching board and that hound would go out and tree a coon the exact size of that board.
Well, one day my wifehappened to set the ironing board out on the porch to clean it and I ain’t seen that hound since!
Numbers of the Beast
Numbers of the Beast
- 660 — Approximate number of The Beast
- DCLXVI — Roman numeral of The Beast
- 666.000000 — Number of the High Precision Beast
- 0.666 — Number of the Millibeast
- / 666 — Beast Common Denominator
- 0.005015 — Reciprical of the Beast.
- 666i — Imaginary number of The Beast
- 1010011010 — Binary number of The Beast
- 443556 — Square of the Beast
- 2.8235 — Log of the beast
- 6.5913 — Ln Beast
- 1.738E289 — Anti-log of the beast
- 6.66E2 –Scientific number of the Beast
- 29A — Hexadecimal number of the Beast
- 666! -_ Factorial of the Beast
- 6, uh… what was that number again? — Number of the Blonde Beast
- 1-666 — Area code of The Beast
- 00666 — Zip code of The Beast
- <Mailto://[email protected]. — E-mail address of the beast
- <http://www.666.org.html. — web-page of the Beast
- 1-900-666-0666 — Live Beasts! One-on-one pacts! Call Now! Only $6.66/minute. Over 18 only please.
- $665.95 — Retail price of The Beast
- $55.50 — Monthly cost of the Beast in twelve easy equal monthly installments
- $699.25 — Price of The Beast plus 5% state sales tax
- $769.95 — Price of The Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
- $656.66 — WalMart price of The Beast
- $646.66 — Next week’s WalMart price of The Beast
- Phillips 666 — Gasoline of The Beast
- Route 666 — Way of The Beast (Highway to Hell)
- 666 Minutes — Weekly news program about the Beast
- 666 F — Oven temperature for roast Beast
- 664 & 668 – Neighbours of the Beast
- 666k — Retirement plan of The Beast
- 666 mg — Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
- 6.66 % — 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
- Lotus 6-6-6 — Spreadsheet of The Beast
- Word 6.66 — Word Processor of The Beast
- i66686 — CPU of The Beast
- 666-I — BMW of The Beast
- 665.99999973 _ Intel Pentium number of the Beast
- 666 Sunset Strip _- Old T. V. series about the Beast soon on Nick-At-Nite
- DSM-666 (revised) — Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of The Beast
- Windows 666 — Bill Gates’ personal Beast
Top Cigar Ad Slogans
*These aren’t your father’s cigars … or your mother’s, for that matter.
*When’s the last time you had a good stiff Cuban?
*Because size really does matter.
*The bigger the hole, the bigger we roll.
*Available in small, medium, and donkey sizes.
*The “fun-to-put-in” carcinogen!
*New ribs for her pleasure. (oops.. that was for condoms)
*After a stroking’ it’s still good for smoking’.
*Long enough for a man, but made for a woman.
*Won’t leave a mess all over her dress!
*All the flavor of a fine Cuban cigar…with the pungent aroma of a tuna
canning factory!
*These won’t go floppy in your mouth.
*The best thing you’ll ever find in a box.
*Melts in your mouth, not in her muff!
*Cigars… they’re not just for oral pleasure any more.
*Batteries not included.
Remember the tea kettle; though
Remember the tea kettle; though up to its neck in hot water, it continues to sing.
Blonde AND Polish!
A Sailor is sitting at a bar one night and is chatting it up with a beautiful blonde. After some drinks she starts to cry and tell him the sad story that she is Polish and misses home terribly but can’t afford to buy a ticket to go home.
The sailor tells her his profession and makes a deal with her.
“I’ll hide you away on my ship on one condition.
You have to have sex with me when I ask.”
She hugs him, crys and agrees. So late that night they sneak on to his ship and he hides her in a big life boat with a canvas cover. He tells her he’ll bring her food and water and she’ll just have to stay hidden because she’ll be in big trouble if she’s caught.
So for the next three weeks he brings her rations every day and sleeps with her every night.
Finally one day the captain is strolling on deck, sees something suspicious and lifts the cover discovering the girl. He yells “STOWAWAY!”
Scared she explains: “Dont be mad at me sir. One of your sailors stowed me away to take me home to Poland, and is having sex with me for payment!”
“No kidding? Lady… this is the Staten Island Ferry!”
Lawers in contempt
> > > A small town prosecuting attorney called his first > > > witness to the stand in > > > a trial – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He > > > approached her and asked, “Ms. > > > Jones, do you know me? > > > “She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you Mr. > > > Williams. I’ve known you since > > > you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big > > > disappointment to me. > > > You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate > > > people and talk about > > > them behind their backs. You think you’re a rising > > > big shot when you > > > haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount > > > to anything more than a > > > two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.”> > > > > > The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, > > > he pointed across the > > > room and asked, “Ms. Williams, do you know the > > > defense attorney?”She > > > again replied, “Why, yes I do. I’ve known Mr. > > > Bradley since he was a > > > youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his > > > parents. And he, too, has > > > been a real disappointment to me. He’s lazy, > > > bigoted, and has a > > > drinking problem. The man can’t build a normal > > > relationship with anyone and > > > his law practice is one of the worst in the entire > > > state. Not to mention he > > > cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, > > > I know him.”The > > > defense attorney was also surprised and shocked. > > > > > > At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to > > > silence and called both > > > counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he > > > said with menace, “If > > > either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, > > > you’ll be jailed for > > > contempt!”
The Reason
One day a very fat blonde met a very skinny brunette downtown.
The blonde gave the brunette a long look full of contempt and
said, “Looking at you, I’d think this country is suffering from
starvation.”
The brunette just smiled and replied, “Looking at you, I’d think
you’re the reason.”
Holey Ice Cubes
Paddy O’Shea got friendly with some of the local Boston Irish and they took
him to an upscale “Irish” pub.
“Amazing’, just amazing’, that’s what America is,” he said, looking with
delight into his glass.
“Never have I been seeing’ an ice cube with a hole in it!”
“Oi sure have,” said his host, Michael Sullivan.
“Bin married to one far fifteen years.”
Baby Drink
How do you make a baby drink? Stick it in the blender.
An original idea can never
An original idea can never emerge from committee in its original form.
I don’t think you can
I don’t think you can really know how heavy something is until it has
fallen on you.
– LeMel Hebert-Williams