Author: admin

Humphrey comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large
bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?”
“Sand,” answered Humphrey. The guard says, “Well, we’ll see about that. Get off
the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and
finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Humphrey overnight and has the sand
analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The
guard releases Humphrey, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man’s
shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens.
The guard asks, “What have you got?” “Sand,” says Humphrey. The guard does his
thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He
gives the sand backs to Humphrey, and watches him cross the border on his
bicycle. This sequence of events repeated everyday for three years. Finally,
Humphrey doesn’t show up one day and the guard meets him in a Cantina in Mexico.
“Hey, Buddy,” says the guard, “I know you’re smuggling something. It’s driving
me crazy. It’s all I think about… I can’t sleep. Just between you and me, what
are you smuggling?” Humphrey sips his beer and says, “bicycles.”

A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers.

The guy says, “Who is this?”

“This is the maid.”, answered the woman.

“We don’t have a maid!”

“I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house.”

“Well, this is her husband. Is she there?”

“Ummm…she’s upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was
her husband.”

The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, “Listen, would you like to make
$50,000?”

“What do I have to do?”

“I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and
the jerk she’s with.”

The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a
couple of gunshots.

The maid comes back to the phone. “What should I do with the bodies?”

“Throw them in the swimming pool!”

“What?! There’s no pool here?” Long pause.

“Uh.. is this 832-4821?”

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who’s not a creep.
One who’s handsome, smart and strong,
one who�s thingy is thick and long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
when he promises to call, he won�t wait weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
and when I spend his cash, won’t be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair & opens my door,
Massages my back & begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who will make love to my mind,
knows just what to say when I ask “How bag�s my behind?
One who’ll make love till my body’s a twitching’,
in the hall, the tub, the garden and kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me no end,
and never attempts to shag my best friend.
And as I kneel and pray by my bed,
I look at the jackass you sent me instead.
A-man.

what do you call a gay condom?
Shithead!