yo mamas so fat when she gave me her wieght I thought it was her phone number
Author: admin
Real programmers don’t number paragraph
Real programmers don’t number paragraph names consecutively.
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Made in China?
A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a pile of tampon boxes stacked on a table in the corner with a sign on them saying “5 boxes for a dollar.”Well, the woman just could not believe this price so she asks the clerk if it was correct.He said “Oh yes, 5 for a dollar.”She said “That can’t be right!”The clerk says “Oh yes, it’s right !! 5 boxes for a dollar, no strings attached.”
A quote on marriage
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. — Guitry
Rocky road
yo mama so fat her blood type is rocky road!
Life Insurance Sales
Private Jones was assigned to the army induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their Serviceman’s Group Life Insurance (SGLI). It wasn’t long before the center’s lieutenant noticed that Private Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the lieutenant stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch.
Jones explained the basics of the SGLI to the new recruits, and then said:
“If you have SGLI and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don’t have SGLI, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000.”
“Now,” he concluded, “which recruits do you think they are going to send into battle first?”
Getting what you ask for!
A traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted.
“I want to get screwed,” said the man.
“OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot,” answered the voice.
The man slid his $20 bucks in, the panel was closed.
Minutes passed and nothing happened.
He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open again.
“Hey,” exclaimed the sport, “I want to get screwed!”
“What?” said the voice, “Again?”
The Blind Pilots
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial
airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so
they can get under way.
The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane,
and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle.
Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane,
bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the
aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog.
Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses.
At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be
some sort of practical joke.
However, after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and
the airplane starts moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness,
whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the
stewardesses for reassurance.
Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin
panicking.
Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and
closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more
and more hysterical.
Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left,
there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone
screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts
off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and
turns to the Captain: “You know, one of these days the they’re
going to scream too late, and we’re gonna get killed!”
Time: Early Sixties. Place: Yourtown, USA…
Time: Early Sixties. Place: Yourtown, USA
A young unmarried couple decides after a few dates that
they are going to sleep together. So, the guy, Tom, goes to
the local pharmacy to buy some condoms.
Tom goes up to the pharmacy counter and asks the
pharmacist for some Trojans, (just like the kid in Summer of
’42). The pharmacist looks at Tom disgustedly and says,
“What’s wrong with you kids today, ya go on two dates and you
wanna go to bed with each other. Why can’t ya save sex for
when ya get married. You should wait until you’re married!
Sex before marriage is a sin ya know.”
Well Tom calmed down the pharmacist and explained that
his generation was a little different. He said that he and
his girlfriend were just trying to act responsibly and take
precautions against pregnancy and disease. The pharmacist
conceded that times were changing and finally sold him the
condoms.
That same night Tom was invited over to his girlfriend
Katey’s house for dinner with the family. When they all sat
down, Tom asked Katey’s father if he could say grace. Her
father said yes and Tom proceded to say a beautiful eleven
minute grace thanking everyone from the Pilgrims to the
President for the meal they were about to eat.
After dinner Katey took Tom aside and smiling, said,
“Tom, you never told me you were so religious!” Tom smiled
back and said, “Well, Katey, you never told me you father was
a pharmacist.”
Training
A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop, and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all you sons of bitches who are returning and want to get on, get your asses on the train now, cause we’re going down the tracks!”
The mother went into the living room and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now go to you room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may go back and play with your train, but only if you use nice language.”
Two hours later, the boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say “All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of you belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.”
She hears the little boy continue. “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under you seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”
Then, the child added, “And for those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR DELAY, see the bitch in the kitchen.”
What God made
Why did God make criminals?
so they can go to hell