Yo mommas so stupid that she threw a rock at the ground and missed.
Author: admin
Yo momma
yo momma so stupid she thought taco bell was the mexican phone line.
The Statue
Mrs. Smith was in bed having wild passionate sex with Mr. Jones,
when all of the sudden her husband came home. Surprised that he
was home so early, she quickly told Mr. Jones to stand in the
corner, then she covered him with cold cream and patted him down
with some talc she had on her dresser.
Mr. Smith walks in the bedroom and sees his wife laying naked in
bed, appearing to be ready for a wild night of sex with her
husband. After a long day at work, he is refreshed by this site,
so he disrobes and climbs on for a great ride.
After they finish having sex, he asks her, “Dear, what is that
in the corner?” “Well,” starts Mrs. Smith, “It’s a statue! It’s
the latest fad and Mrs. Crump down the street has one just like
it, so I wanted one too!” Mr. Smith seemed satisfied with this
answer so he closes his eyes and goes to sleep.
He awakens at midnight and goes to the kitchen where he prepares
2 sandwiches and brings them back to the bedroom. Upon entering
the room, he walks over to the statue and hands one of the
sandwiches to Mr. Jones. “Here buddy,” says Mr. Smith, “I stood
like an idiot at the Crumps the whole night and nobody offered
me so much as a glass of water!”
Elevator jobs
Why don’t blondes have elevator jobs?
They don’t know the route.
C & W Song Titles!
The Best of the Worst Country-Western Song Titles (Yes, Guys, these are REAL.)
1) Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
2) Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
3) Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye
4) Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
5) How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?
6) How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I’ve Been A Liar All My Life?
7) I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
8) I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
9) I Don’t Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
10) I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
11) I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
12) I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You
13) I Wanna Whip Your Cow
14) I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn’t Spell Yuck!
15) I Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win
16) I’d Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
17) I’m Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
18) I’m The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
19) I’ve Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
20) I’ve Got The Hungries For Your Love And I’m Waiting In Your Welfare Line
21) If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
22) If Love Were Oil, I’d Be A Quart Low
23) If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I’d Blow It All On You
24) If You Don’t Leave Me Alone, I’ll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
25) If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
26) Mama Get The Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head)
27) My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
28) My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don’t Love Jesus
29) My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
30) My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
31) Oh, I’ve Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
32) Pardon Me, I’ve Got Someone To Kill
33) She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
34) She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
35) She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
36) She’s Got Freckles On Her, But She’s Pretty
37) Thank God And Greyhound She’s Gone
38) They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can’t Stop My Face From Breakin’ Out
39) Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
40) When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I’ll Think You’re Walking In
41) You Can’t Have Your Kate And Edith Too
42) You Can’t Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
43) You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
44) You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
45) You’re The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
Clinton Soup
A new soup introduced this week by Campbell’sThe Nations largest Soup Manufacturer Campbell’s Soup announced today that they will be stocking America’s shelves this week with their newest Soup creation, “Clinton Soup”It will honor one the nations most distinguished men. It consists primarily of a small weenie in hot water.
Drunken Office Party
After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, “What the hell happened?””As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss,” replied the wife.”Piss on him,” answered the husband.”You did,” said the wife, “and he fired you.””Well, fuck him,” said the husband.”I did, and you go back to work in the morning.”
Drunken Donut II: Th
A cop pulls over a guy.”Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?” “Gee, officer,” the man says.”Your eyes are awfully glazed — have you been eating doughnuts?”
Microsoft Programmer
A woman had been married three times and was still a virgin. Somebody asked her how that could be possible.
‘Well,’ she said. ‘The first time I married an octogenarian and he died before we could consummate the marriage.’
‘The second time I married a naval officer and war broke out on our wedding day.’
‘The third time I married a Microsoft Windows programmer and he just sat on the edge of the bed and kept telling me how good it was going to be.’
A quote on marriage
Suicide is belated acquiescence in the opinion of one’s wife’s relatives.
First Pregnancy Rules
Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician’s office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, “My husband wants me to ask you…” “I know, I know,” the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, “I get asked this all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy.” “No, that’s not it at all,” Brenda confessed. “He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.”
I am afraid of that tarmac
A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac. The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won’t see him. The barman looks down at him and says, “What’s the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You’ve got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac? The motorway replies, “You don’t know him like I do. He’s a cyclepath.”