Learn from your parents mistakes – use birth control!
Author: admin
Knock Knock 93
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ilona!
Ilona who?
Ilona Ranger!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ima!
Ima who?
Ima girl who can’t say no…!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Imogen!
Imogen who?
Imogen life without chocolate!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Ina Claire!
Ina Claire who?
Ina Claire day, you can see for miles!
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
India!
India who?
India night time I go to sleep!
The plane is crashing into the ocean
Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes
over the intercom: “Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and
assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this
baby as gentle as possible down on the water”.
“Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?” asks a little old
lady, terrified.
“Yes, I’m afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel in
the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this.
Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs”.
“And if I do this, the sharks won’t eat me any more?” asks the little lady.
“Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won’t enjoy it so much”.
Santa wave
when santa clause was busy dropping presents to us, the only thing he did when he past asia was to leave a wave!!!!
Crime=Idiots=Don’t Pay!
Investigating a purse snatching, Brunswick, Georgia, detectives picked up a man who fit the thief’s description and drove him back to the scene. He was told to exit the car and face the victim for an I.D. The suspect dutifully eyed the victim, and blurted, “Yeah, that’s the woman I robbed.”
Elsewhere…
In Nashville, they tell of Fred “Bubba” Johnson, the burglar who fell asleep on the sofa of the home he was robbing, only to be awakened by police.
Meanwhile…
In Thibodaux, Louisiana, a robber with a thick Cajun accent couldn’t get restaurant patrons to understand his demand for money. Frustrated, he whipped out his gun, but it wouldn’t fire. Grabbing the cash register, he ran — but got only three feet before falling down. The register was still plugged into the wall… Unplugging it, he tried again, but a regular diner decked him and called police.
And…
In Rhode Island, cops were sure they had the right guy when the suspect in a string of coin-machine thefts proceeded to pay his $400 bail…entirely in quarters.
Stranger yet….
Texas authorities, responding to a store robbery, seized a man who was fleeing naked. When asked about his choice of attire, he said he’d stripped after the job because he figured his clothes would make him identifiable. . .
In the Heartland…
Lawrence, Kansas – Officers tracked a midnight thief who prided himself on his running speed by following the red lights on his high-tech tennis shoes. . .
And Finally. . .
In Virginia, a janitor went to great lengths to avoid I.D. in a 7-Eleven robbery, using a ski mask and rental car for the occasion. But he also wore his work uniform, which said “Cedar Woods Apartments” and had his name, Dwayne, stitched across the front. . .
Ugly
You’re so ugly, when you were born, the doctor slapped yo’ mama!
Funny Old Men
Three elderly men are at the doctor’s office for a memory test.
The doctor asks the first man, “What is three times three?”
“274,” is his reply.
The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, “It’s your turn. What is three times three?”
“Tuesday,” replies the second man.
The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, “Okay, your turn. What’s three times three?”
“Nine,” says the third man.
“That’s great!” says the doctor. “How did you get that?”
“Simple,” he says, “just subtract 274 from Tuesday.”
Nostalgia isn’t what it used
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
PEANUT
One day there were these 5 little boys
the first little boy went to the priest and went bless me father for i have sinned the priest goes what did you do my son the boy goes i threw peanut in the water and the priest goes your forgivin
the second little boy goes to the priest bless me father for i have sinned the priest goes what did you do my son the boy goes i threw peanut in the water the priest goes your forgiven
the third little boy goes to the priest and goes bless me father for i have sinned the priest goes what did you do my son the boy goes i threw peanut in the water the priest goes your forgiven
the fourth little boy goes to the priest and goes bless me father for i have sinned the priest goes what did you do my son the boy goes i threw peanut in the water the priest goes your forgiven
then the fifth little boy goes to the priest and goes bless me father for i have sinned the priest goes i know you threw peanut in the water too the boy goes no i is peanut
Blonde Man
A blonde manfratically calls 911 and says, “Help, my wife has gone into labur and her contractons are ten minutes apart!” The 911operator asks,”Is this her first child?” To which the blonde replies” ofcourse not you idiot, this is her husband!”
A DOOR SLAMMIN WOMAN
A man is driving along the road to pick up his wife, just after leaving his girlfriends house. Then all of a sudden she pops out infront of him, screamin am going to tell ur wife. So he knocks her down and kills her…
Then he sees his mother-in-law she knows hes bin cheeting so he knocks her down and kills her.
He picks up his wife, (who has been having an affir with the next door neighbour) and they start driving along.
The next door neihbour is on the sidewalk and shouts to the man ur wifes a whore, although the wife doesnt hear. So he thinks to himself i am going to kill this prick but can’t make it too obvious. so he drives up slowly trying to hit him with the wing mirror… then all of a sudden BANG!!!
The man looks at his wife puzzeled and she said, “i thought you where going to miss the BASTERD so i opened the door””
“
Cool Sadam
once upone Saddam went to the zoo then he saw the monky then he said”oh coool my wife”
then the monky said “weshbalak ya rejal”
then sadAN ASKING”WHAT DO YOU MEAN”
THE MONKY SAID”I MEAN YOU COME FISH GO”
THEN SADAM SAID”3AYAL eNTA SHAROON”
NO REASONS
HA HAHA HAH AHA HAHA HAHA
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