Old Mother Hubbard went to the cubbard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over,
Rover took over
And the bitch got a bone of her own!
Author: admin
When Reaches Orgasm
Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, “Next”.
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He’s had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
You might be a Republican if…
You argue that you need 300 semi-automatic assault rifles, in case a squirrel ever attacks your home.
Una vieja le dice a
Una vieja le dice a otra:
“Con los a�os, mi Ruperto se ha convertido en una fiera en la cama”.
“�Te hace el amor como un salvaje?”
“No, se mea en las s�banas para marcar su territorio”.
Cargo
Knock Knock.
Who’s there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Cargo beep beep.
Mine
There are two Bosnians playing for West Ham in an important league match. The
ball comes spinning towards them but the captain, who’s also well placed to
receive the pass, shouts,
“Mine!”, and both players hit the ground.
A Scant 100 years ago…
It May Be Hard to Believe That A Scant 100 Years Ago…The average life expectancy in the United States was forty-seven.Only 14 percent of the homes in the United States had a bathtub.Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone. A three minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.There were only 8,000 cars in the US and only 144 miles of paved roads.The maximum speed limit in most cities was ten mph.Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents, California was only the twenty-first most populous state in the Union.The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.The average wage in the U.S. was twenty-two cents an hour. The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year.A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2500 per year, a veterinarian between $1500 and $4000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5000 per year.More than 95 percent of all births in the United States took place at home.Ninety percent of all U.S. physicians had no college education. Instead, they attended medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and by the government as “substandard.”Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee cost fifteen cents a pound.Most women only washed their hair once a month and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering the country for any reason, either as travelers or immigrants.The five leading causes of death in the U.S. were: 1. Pneumonia and influenza 2. Tuberculosis 3. Diarrhea 4. Heart disease 5. StrokeThe American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii and Alaska hadn’t been admitted to the Union yet.Drive-by-shootings — in which teenage boys galloped down the street on horses and started randomly shooting at houses, carriages, or anything else that caught their fancy — were an ongoing problem in Denver and other cities in the West.The population of Las Vegas, Nevada was thirty. The remote desert community was inhabited by only a handful of ranchers and their families.Plutonium, insulin, and antibiotics hadn’t been discovered yet. Scotch tape, crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn’t been invented.There was no Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.One in ten U.S. adults couldn’t read or write. Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.Some medical authorities warned that professional seamstresses were apt to become sexually aroused by the steady rhythm, hour after hour, of the sewing machine’s foot pedals. They recommended slipping bromide — which was thought to diminish sexual desire — into the woman’s drinking water.Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, “Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and the bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.Coca-Cola contained cocaine instead of caffeine.Punch card data processing had recently been developed, and early predecessors of the modern computer were used for the first time by the government to help compile the 1900 census.Eighteen percent of households in the United States had at least one full-time servant or domestic.There were about 230 reported murders in the U.S. annually.
Lesbian Dinosaur
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?Answer: A lick-A-lotta-puss.
Either
�It�s no good, sir,� said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher, �I try to
learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other.�
�Goes in both ears and out the other?� asked the puzzled teacher, �but you
only have two ears, son.�
�You see, sir,� I�m no good at math, either!�
Leroys
A man from the Welfare department was interviewing a lady who had requested assistance and he was reviewing her form. He noted that she stated that she had three sons, but only has one name listed, “Leroy”. “Yes”, she replied, “All three sons are named Leroy.”
“Why would you do that?”, inquired the government worker.
“It makes it much easier to get things done.”, was her reply. “Leroy, time for bath.” And they all would get in the bath. “Leroy, time for supper.” And they all would come to the table.
Amazed, the government worker then inquired how did she get personal if she wanted to talk with just one of her sons.
“Oh that’s easy”, she replied. “I just call them by their last name.”
Chocolate coins
This story I heard from a friend of mine. I hope you like it.
My happily married friend of 30 had a quick witted six year old named bobby. Rick, the father made a father-son outting out of going to the local market. Everytime they went, Rick would bring his son pick out a piece of candy, or snack.
Holloween came around, and all the stores put out those little bags of chocolate coins. So when Rick would go to the market, he let his son pick out any bag he wanted. The bag had mixed big and small chocolate coins covered in gold foil wrapping. When they got home, little Bobby would always share with his dad. And like any good father, Rick always took the small ones, and left the big ones for bobby.
So a few weeks had passed, and Rick made an early evening trip to the market, and bobby caught him out the door and begged and pleaded to tag along. When they got there, bobby went searching for his candy. When he passed the isle closest to the register, he caught a glimpse of what looked like the gold coin chocolate candy he liked so much. They were actually those giant gold foil wrapped condoms. So little bobby grabs them, and meets his dad at the register were an attractive woman is checking out his groceries. Bobby puts the condoms on the counter, and says-“Im getting these for my daddy- He likes the LITTLE ones!”
When the going gets tough,
When the going gets tough, the smart get sneaky.