A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes. The judge said
“Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100.” The lawyer stood up and said “Thanks, my
lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you’d allow him
a few minutes in the crowd. . .”
Author: admin
Forgetful Minds
A couple has been married for 50 years. One day they went to a doctor because
they recently had been forgetting things and they were afraid that they would
leave the stove on. The doctor said, �There is no way medically, but you could
always write notes to help you remember things.�
That night, as the wife was getting up, her husband asked what she was doing.
She replied, �I was just going to make some ice cream.� The husband insisted
that he would make it. As he was walking into the kitchen, she called out, �WITH
A CHERRY ON TOP!�
�Okay dear,� he replied.
�And sprinkles too!�
�Okay dear.�
From the kitchen came sounds of banging pots and pans and nearly twenty
minutes later he came back into the room with bacon and eggs. The wife said �So?
Where’s the toast?�
Otto
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Otto.
Otto Who?
Otto know. I can’t remember!
Un boliviano estaba en Buenos
Un boliviano estaba en Buenos Aires observando El Obelisco; en eso se acerca un gaucho:
“Che bolita, �qu� hac�s, boludo?”
“Estoy mirando El Obelisco”.
El argentino, que estaba con ganas de molestar, dice en tono fanfarr�n:
“Sab�s una cosa, bolita, este obelisco es un monumento a la verga de mi padre”.
El boliviano se queda observando admirado El Obelisco; saca una cinta m�trica y comienza a medir el di�metro. Otra vez se acerca el gaucho con ganas de joder:
“�Y ahora qu� hac�s, bolita?”
“Estoy midiendo la concha de tu madre”.
Bad News?
A secretary walked into her boss’s office & said, “I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news for you””Why do you always have to give me bad news?” he complained.”Tell me some good news for once.””Alright, here’s some good news,” said the secretary.”You’re not sterile.”
As horny as hell
A guy is horny a hell – but broke. He goes to a whorehouse with $5.00, and begs the Madame to give him whatever she can for it.
She says “I’m sorry, but that will only cover the rent for ten minutes, and none of my hookers work for free!”
The guy gets the room, but has nothing to fuck. He looks out on the ledge of the building and sees a pigeon.
Quietly, he opens the window, grabs the poor bird and just fucks the living shit out of it. Satisfied, he goes home.
Next week, he returns to the whorehouse, with his pay cheque. He says to the Madame, “I got lots of money now…give me a hooker!”.
The Madame replies “All of them are busy now, why don’t you go to the peep show and get yourself in the mood?”.
The guy does, and is enjoying the show, when he turns to the guy next to him and says, “Hey, these chicks really know what they’re doing huh?”,
The guy responds, “Yeah, but you should have been here last week, there was this guy fucking a pigeon!”
Yo mama is so fat
Yo mama so fat that when she stepped outside everyone thought there was an eclipse.
16 Things That Annoy
1. Trying on sunglasses with the tag still attached to the bridge.
2. The person behind you in the supermarket who keeps running their cart into the back of your ankle.
3. The way everyone drives slower when you’re in a hurry.
4. The way everyone drives right on your bumper when you slow down to look for an address.
5. You open a can of soup – or anything, really – and the lid falls in to it.
6. Finding out you stepped in dog poop … AFTER you’ve walked across your carpet.
7. Drinking from a soda can you thought was yours only to discover someone had extinguished their cigarette in it.
8. Slicing your tongue licking an envelope.
9. The tire gauge that lets out half the air in your tire while you’re trying to get a reading.
10. Televisions or radios that come in brilliantly while you tune them then fade to snow and tatic as you walk away.
11. Realizing you never washed that bright red shirt by itself before … after everything else in the load comes out pink.
12. Setting your alarm clock for p.m. instead of a.m.
13. A fantastic song on the radio and the DJ doesn’t tell you who it is.
14. Having to say to five different salespeople, “No thanks, I’m just looking.”
15. You reach under a table to pick something up and whack your head coming back up.
16. The candy bar or bag of chips that gets stuck on the rotating clip in a vending machine.
a boy and rest
A boy did not want to go to church on sunday because he wanted some rest.so a vicar went up to him and said why did you not come to church and the boy repiled god made this day to rest.
Yo mama…….
yo mama so fat, when she did the backstroke in the Atlantic people said Free Willy!
Christmas video
My friend at school made a video:
His mom walked into his room with some wrapping paper and
covered his computer, which was still on, with it. She screamed
to him, “Max! It’s Christmas! Come open your present!” He walked
into the room, half asleep, and walked up to the computer,
ripped off the paper, and screamed, “It’s the same damn
computer!”
Cheese and Crackers
A boy was walking down the street one day right after purchasing some
snacks at a local store. He was walking in front of a church and slipped
and fell in the mud. “Jesus Christ God Almighty” A priest was walking by
as he said this. “Excuse me son?” The boy replied “Cheese and Crackers got
all muddy”