Did you hear about the two police cars that hit head on?
There were donuts all over the place.
Author: admin
Things That Sound Dirty at Thanksgiving but…
Things That Sound Dirty at Thanksgiving but Aren’t
- Reach in and grab the giblets.
- Whew, that’s one terrific spread!
- I’m in the mood for a little dark meat.
- Tying the legs together will keep the insides moist.
- Talk about a huge breast!
- “…and he forced his way into the end zone…”
- She’s 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her
down. - It’s Cool Whip time!!!!
- If I don’t unbuckle my pants, I’m going to burst!
- It must be broken, cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts
out! - “All I want is stuffin’!”
Deja Drunk
One time two guys are sitting in the bar near closing time, and the one man looks at the other and says, “You look mighty familiar, have I seen you some where?” The other replies,”yeah I got the same feeling, where were you raised?” and the first drunk says,” Springfield.” The other drunk replies, ” Hey no kidding, me too. What school did you go to?” “Springfield Middle school.” “No way! Me too. Did you live on Frederick St.?” “Yeah.” “No shit, me too.” Now this conversation goes on and on like this, then the owner of the bar calls the bar tender to close up and asks ” Anything new happening down there?” to which the bar tender replies “Nah, just the Johnson twins drunk again.
Knock KnockWho’s there?Indiana!Indiana who?Indiana’ls of
Knock KnockWho’s there?Indiana!Indiana who?Indiana’ls of history you’ll be famous!
That darned cup holder
Caller: “Hello, is this Tech Support?”
Tech Rep: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?”
Caller: “The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?”
Tech Rep: “I’m sorry, but did you say a cup holder?”
Caller: “Yes, it’s attached to the front of my computer.”
Tech Rep: “Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it’s because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?”
Caller: “It came with my computer, I don’t know anything about a promotional. It just has ‘4X’ on it.”
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn’t stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off in the drive. Oops!
Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind…
Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.
Is a book listing the definitions of habitual…
Is a book listing the definitions of habitual substances known as an
addictionary?
A Rabbi and a Priest
A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it’s a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest’s collar and says, “So you’re a priest. I’m a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days.”
The priest replies, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God.”
The rabbi continues, “And look at this. Here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.” Then he hands the bottle to the priest.
The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest. The priest asks, “Aren’t you having any?”
The rabbi replies, “No…I think I’ll wait for the police.”
There is no job so
There is no job so simple that it can not be done wrong.
Yo mama so fat…
Yo mama so fat that God couldn’t lift her spirit.
Bobby’s Motto
I have a small mind-and I’m prepared to use it!
Un tipo se preciaba de
Un tipo se preciaba de cuidar su cuerpo; levantaba pesas y trotaba seis millas diarias. Una ma�ana, al estar admirando su cuerpo frente al espejo, not� que hab�a cogido un bonito bronceado por todo su cuerpo, menos en el pene, y decidi� hacer algo por remediarlo. Fue a la playa, se desnud�, se enterr� completamente en la arena, exceptuando el miembro, para que pudiera broncearse con el sol.
Un rato m�s tarde, pasan dos se�oras mayores, una de ellas se apoyaba en un bast�n para caminar mejor. De pronto, ven ‘eso’ emergiendo de la arena y la del bast�n empieza a tocarlo con el mismo. Entonces dice a su amiga:
“�Realmente el mundo no es justo!”
“�Qu� quieres decir?”, inquiere la amiga.
“Cuando ten�a 20 a�os, estaba curiosa por verlo; cuando ten�a 30 a�os, lo disfrut�; cuando ten�a 40, lo ped�; cuando ten�a 50, pagu� por �l; cuando ten�a 60, rogu� por �l; cuando tuve 70, se me olvid� que exist�a; y, ahora que tengo 80, esas ‘cosas’ crecen silvestres y… �Ya no me puedo agachar!”